Standing up for yourself

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I've never been too fast on my feet with saying the right thing. Today I was in the computer lab, listening to something on YouTube. Apparently it was too loud for somebody a few rows ahead of me. All of a sudden I hear this voice, "Alright shut the **** up I've had enough, I'm over here, actually working on a serious paper, and I can't stand it anymore." This was like, all one sentence without a break. I turned it down and said "Sorry, didn't know you could hear it." And I really didn't! She finishes with, "It's like you're ******* deaf I swear."

I wanted to say, "What?! **** you." But I didn't. First, I was afraid it would turn into a huge spat right then and there, and second... well, there is no second. I didn't know what would be appropriate. So I let it go. That is, except for now, on these boards.

What do you think? Do you ever cop out of standing up for yourself like that?

All the time.

Due to social anxiety and cognitive deficits since childhood, I've devloped a terrible habit of avoiding social confrontations at whatever the cost. I tned to shut down when put on the spot like that and like you, simply don't know what to say.

I absolutely hate it as I feel like I let people walk all over me, but it's hard to overcome biology. If you can't think fast enough to respond appropriately, you simply can't.

N

I love standing up to myself but I suck at it in real life because I am always speechless. But I am better online because I can think of things to say and I can go and reply to that post and say it.

In real life if it's repeated stuff like when I was a kid, I basically had the same kind of bullying so it gave me time to think up of things to do and bug them back and piss them off.

Well, for future reference, what could I have said?

I don't have that much of problem of standing up for myself when needed, but I would have let that one go. You never know, the she might of been in a bad mood, thus her negative remark. In this situation, it's wouldn't have been worth starting s**t over you playing some music. You made the right move by keeping your mouth shut.

I always freeze up in social confrontations. I'll usually think of a good comeback the next day, but by then its too late. I wish I could make up comeback lines on the spot.

Sounds like she was in a bad mood. This might have also been bugging her for awhile, but she never mentioned anything until now.

Keep in mind, not all of the problems are us, sometimes people have their own problems to deal with, but take it out on others. Anymore, if someone mouths me, they get it right back.

I find the best thing to do in circumstances like these are to give the person a look like you would give a small child throwing a tantrum. It's the "are you done yet?" look, then just go back to your own thing.

Pick your fights, this one doesn't even sound ire worthy. So you had your thing a little loud, you turned it down. If she wants to throw a tantrum about it then just let her act childishly.

Chances are if you were watching it loud today, you might have been watching it loud all week and something else going on with her just kind of made it so it bothered her more. I'd just let it pass.

I don't stand up for myself enough either. I'm often too surprised or shocked by other people's comments/behavior that I can't think fast enough about how to react. When I'm shocked it's also like I become non-verbal, the words don't come out even if I want to say something back. I also don't always know what's appropriate or how I should stand up for myself and I don't want to get into a fight, because they upset me too much.

Afterwards I tend to get angry because of the incident and wish I had stood up for myself.

slowly but shurley is the best way ive found

That girl sounds like a major b**ch

What I would've done is I would've given her a look like I give to a misbehaving child, and then I would ask her in a calm, sweet voice, "I'm sorry, would you please ask politely?"

If she continues to be rude, I would just repeat that question in my sweet, calm voice until she finally becomes polite or gives up.

When she finally asks politely, I would say "Thank You!" in that same sweet, calm voice, and then turn down the volume.
If she gives up, then I would continue listening to the music until she decides to ask politely.

I will not respect anyone who will not respect me.


I've had lots of practice doing this when my brother gets all rude.