Learning social situations from SITCOMS

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I think about 90% of the social skills I have learned in life have come from watching Television. Usually I find sitcoms boring but I realized a couple of years ago that they show you things you shouldn't do or say in social situations. A couple months ago I watched a rerun of the show "How I Met your Mother" and the main character blew his chance with the main female character when he told her, "I Love You" after the first date. It than occured to me that on the few dates I have been on perhaps I scared the girl off by being too forward and I recalled specifically telling girls that I loved them when I barely even knew them(This was about six years ago.) So now, I know to be cautious if I am in a dating situation to lay all my feelings out on the table or to call her number more than once if she gives me her number. (The first time a girl gave me her number I called her like 7 times and left 6 messages. No wonder she never called me back. Curse my inexperience.)

Anyway, I've been watching reruns of the show "How I Met your mutter" on lifetime and I realized that it is an awesome teaching tool for the basics of dating and flirting. The whole show is basically two single guys who try and date different girls but their attempts to form a relationship usually fail because of their social mistakes. And when they make a social mistake and the girl breaks up with them, I realize that what they did is probably something that I might have done. The guys always wind up "saying the wrong thing." that leads to the breakup. The main female character, Robin, sort of coaches the guys in their quest for love and dispenses dating advice.

FRIENDS is another pretty good show with alot of focus on social situations, although the storylines are starting to seem somewhat outdated. I think that WifeSwap/Trading Spouses gives alot of insight into the right way to operate a functional marriage and family, and Survivor is another good show that focuses on human interaction that one can draw conclusions from.

I would watch TV and learn stuff from it... but I just don't care. I'd rather stick with reading books and doing other stuff that interests me. I think you can't really learn much from watching unless you actually go through the process of doing it.

be careful to keep up with the changing mores of the times. As a child I learned from 'Leave it to Beaver' and "Father Knows Best" and "Make Room for Daddy". What you learn unconsciously you can keep forever and never question how you just know this is how it is supposed to be. I have had people tell me 'life is not a sit com, Merle' and 'why is everything a joke to you?' (because I would say something that should have had a laugh track behind it.)

so realize the social situations described in the TV shows are how some people deal with social situations. Other people just think you are 'fake'.


Merle

(hell YES I am 'fake' when I simulate social situations, but my heart is not fake, it is true!)

Television has taught me a lot.

I've learned a lot about social skills from TV and novels, but you do have to remember that they are fiction -- a lot of things that happen in them just don't happen in real life.

Be really careful of the reality shows -- they generally show people at their worst.

I preferred reading... generally mythology, various histories and fiction. But most of my mannerisms have a root in one I observed elsewhere and practiced. It's awkward to realize that I am such a compilation of relatively prepared pieces, but as I've gained experience I've learned how to move from one to another without frequent issue.


M.

Gotcha - I grew up using sarcasm and humor to mask the fact that I often had no idea what was going on around me in social situations, or felt uneasy about not knowing exactly how I was expected to behave or react - so I'd often pull a switchup to distract by doing or saying something that I knew was inappropriate or downright bizarre under the circumstances. And of course, getting a laugh was just positive reinforcement to encourage me to keep doing it. But it came in handy - helped me make a living for 35 years.

amen! I am just starting to understand how confused and dazed I am on a daily basis, not recognizing people if they are out of their normal place, or if they change their hair, or clothes. Not being able to find my way around easily, knowing orientation and placement only because it has grown into habit. One of my therapists once said to me 'you have no emotional skin!' and I agree. So I use humor, constantly, and am thought of as a fool rather than as a psycho. Talk about Sophies Choice!

Merle

Be careful as what is shown on TV is normally a gross distortion of real life, real life does not make good TV.

I think that a balanced view of real life would not be exciting and interesting, so the TV shows tend to choose what the minority do so which is more interesting.

For examples the makers of Cops are likely to witness the police pulling over plenty of drivers for traffic stops where the driver pulls over as soon as the cop switchs on his lights. The sight of a driver pulling over at once, turning off the car, winding down the window, waiting with their hands on the wheel, talking to the cop and then being sent on their way (maybe with a ticket) does not make good TV. Most of the film produced by these well behaved drivers is likely to never see the light of day. But a high speed car chase does make good TV, and is more likely to be shown on TV.

I never saw social situations on TV as being how things really are. It might have been easier if that were so, but I've never seen it as such.

I learned most all my social interaction skills from television.

It messed me up.

TV is not in any way reflective of reality or how people normally respond.

It's messing up NT kids who watch too much of it and think it represents proper social behavior.

It's worse for someone with AS who basically emulates what is presented as "normal" social behavior.

The Real World on MTV. It's a reality show I love. I've learned so much from it. Degrassi has been good for me too. The socializing is more realistic than a sitcom.

I certainly observe social interactions from sitcoms but since most of them are comedies, I shouldn't take them seriously. I mean Seinfeld wouldn't set a very good example on social interactions. Characters like George or Kramer would not make good models and the show makes fun of dating.

All the sitcoms I watch are animated.

I learn a lot of my social skills from watching Friends. Also Sex and the City.

The only problem is that on TV they are all drama queens and they yell at each other a lot, so I often get told off for yelling during arguments, but I always thought that's what everyone does cos that's what they always do on Eastenders [British soap opera] and stuff.

I agree. What is presented on TV is very carefully crafted and scripted to appear natural enough for it not to actually register with viewers as being unnatural - but it nonetheless is unnatural.

I find that, as an Aspie, I find television a great deal easier to follow and understand than real life, because everything is concise and exaggerated and purposeful; there's no 'small talk' on a fictional TV show, and nothing is ever said that doesn't have some part in moving the plot forward, informing us clearly how a character is feeling, etc. I sit and watch TV and always find myself thinking, "Why, I can understand everyone perfectly well! There's nothing to this art of reading people!" But then I switch off the TV and go outside and try to interact with others, and everything becomes, once more, a grey world of vague shadowy people and confusing mumbles and expressions.