Instant messaging makes my brain freeze up

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The title says it all, and is an experience as of 5 mins ago. I can't cope with it, want to log off, it's as excruciating as real life conversation. But filled with typos. I think I have just upset someone, and given myself tachycardia as well.

I usually have the facebook offline button ticked, as if I am IM'd I know I come off as rude, defensive or hostile, no matter how much I actually like the person . Then again, I refuse to anser my mobile most of the time..real time conversation is my bete noir. I can either listen, or I can launch into a lecture....... Plus it's intrusive, I am ultra private....it feels like people lie in wait, for the time you forget to check that button....paranoid? me

I only ever manage non-stressful facebook online chat messages with my (very very) ex. He also worked as a specialist teaching assistant with children with AS, so he knows to remain on point, just give me links, share jokes or tell me about cds.

But that defeats the purpose. You don't have to answer right away. You can close it, do something else, and come back to it if and when you feel like it. I hate cell phones and everything about them and will probably never own one. I've never used text-messaging and I'm sure I would hate it. But a message board is as non-invasive as you can get, and an IM is just an extension of the same. You are not required to answer.

Like right now. If your inbox is suddenly stuffed because of this thread, you can just delete them all and forget it. You don't even have to read them.

Edit: Oops. Sorry. Never mind. I was thinking PRIVATE message rather than INSTANT message. I tried IM for a while on a very limited basis. I can see it becoming a thousand times worse than a real-life conversation. I don't see a way to be plugged into that and have a life at the same time.

Last edited by Tahitiii on 08 Mar 2009, 3:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I deleted MSN from my computer a long time ago because of very similar reasons, (and am permanently "offline" on facebook). I soon learnt that its not just Aspies who find instant messengers a bloody irritant - a lot of my NT friends refuse to use them too. Bottom line - a real friend will not mind if you don't want to chat to them on messengers. They'll send you an email instead. It's not hard...

xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx

Last edited by Tahitiii on 08 Mar 2009, 4:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You see, emails, and post on here are great because:-

.

But being held hostage to replying straight away, with gaffes and typos a plenty, and worse still, the vague nagging sense of "What exactly do you want? and, if nothing, why bother me with this?"

BTW, bulging inbox.....not likely to happen. Unless I get some tourettes of the fingers and type something REALLY offensive by accident and generate many complaints:lol:

I tried the MSN a few times and it was a little too
stressful, might be that i`m not used to it, i dont
know. Met a girl last year or something who wanted
to chat on MSN, but it was more stressful and annoying
then fun, the girl was great but the MSN-thingy wasn`t.
Then she insisted i turned on the camera, which i did
after a little swearing, and then it got even more stress-
full dont think i`m built for that stuff, she asked
several times later to meet on the msn again but due
to its suckyness i kinda dragged it out and avoided it,
if its little fun and just makes me feel bad whats the
point. Well..maybe i shouldn`t say it sucks, it was
probably mostly me who just didnt do to great

I don't IM chat with people who have a strong sense of chat-etiquette. it's pointless, as I often do multiple things at once and can not respond for ages... and I don't expect people to behave in any certain way so I don't get bothered by slow responses. I'm the same in most casual conversations. I'm just a bit slow lol.

^
""chat with people who have a strong sense of chat-etiquette. it's
pointless, as I often do multiple things at once and can not respond
for ages""

Yes, nicely put, that was one of the big things i didnt like, if i was slow
to answer there was this "why dont you answer" again and again. So
after i while i felt like i had to answer asap every time, got really tire-
some. After a while everytime i heard that damn "bing" sound i thought
"dammit, not again and not so fast"

"are you still there"
"what is taking so long"

Those are my favorites, when I have tried it, unfortunately I cant use it because I don't have the proper assistive software for that and typing my message out, copying and pasting using symbols is just way to sloooowww.

I can't bear IM. I find it very draining and I don't like making typos. Conversations can be difficult enough without having to type them too.

Guys, don't beat yourselves up about finding IM difficult. Leave it to those who find it so pleasurable and stick with emails or forums which you can answer in your own sweet time.

I seem to have become very popular on Facebook chat all of a sudden. It scares me. I find that I'm actually better at talking in person than with an instant message.

I usually stay 'offline', but it's like soon as I go 'online' to see if there's anyone I actually want to talk to available, BAM! Somebody says "what's up", and I cry.

I'm probably more frightened of IMs than anything else, ever. Though I'm flattered when people want to talk to me.

I love IMing. I've gotten okay with it... I can only talk to certain types of people though, people that can keep a conversation going. And I have to walk off and pace or lay down a lot throughout though.

IM's are my lifeline. I couldn't get by without them. They're my link to the world. I turned to them early on because I have a speech problem, and they were the one way I could talk with people and not be judged and made fun of because of my speech. I started using them before I really developed my social fears, so I got used to it. By the time I talk with someone on voice, they already know me well enough that they don't care. Granted, I've screwed up plenty of times and made people mad, and been banned from a few places when I was younger, but I've learned. I find I tend to connect with certain individuals, even over IM. But only certain types of people. I make a few strong friends, but not very many. At least I can simply block the annoying people. Except when said annoying person is an administrator on a forum you moderate. . .

My information hoarding, writing skills, and dependability have seen me placed in a few positions of trust in Internet communities, although I tend to screw up because of my social problems. In other words, I tend to rise to the top in Internet groups, but I don't stay there because I screw up, particularly under pressure.

My advice, if you want to try desensitizing yourself: try chatrooms. It's a lot less committal than IM. You can pick and choose what you respond to, as it suits you. And it gets you used to a faster paced conversation. Because you're not the only person maintaining the conversation, you're under no pressure to respond if you don't feel comfortable.

This is how I cope:

If I am stuck, or I am upset, or for some reason I am finding it hard to talk and need extra time to plan a response, I say 'brb'. Sometimes I give a fake reason (ie brb helping brother with homework)

^ Good idea! I'm going to start doing that.