A little advice about a mistake I made

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About five years ago I decided to go "incognito". In class, I never put up my hand despite knowing the answer to every question. I never start a conversation with anyone I don't know already in my year. My teachers write little more than "well behaved, excellent academic perfomance" on my report card, and it's obviously they hardly know who I am. Years ago I liked to think that a persons "importance" can be told by people in your class wondering where you are if your missing. No-one notices when I'm not there. A while back, I had an epiphany when my english teacher was talking about a character in a book, and said "it's more insulting for someone to not care about you than hate you". I now know I have to change, I'm pretty talented but I don't flaunt it, in fact most people don't know what type of person I am (goth, or geek, or musical).

Yesterday was what tipped me over the edge. My music teacher asked me to perform in a concert type thing in front of the school, and I did everything I could to get out of it, giving tonnes of random excuses. My friend bluntly said I needed to do it because I've got no self-esteem, and if I can't do this how could I wouldn't be able to do anything later in life. But I know the reason I don't want to do it is because I don't want to do it. Its out of my comfort zone. But I recognise it's important for me to do it, but I think I'll mess up. I know not being known is worse than being hated, but I'm too shy to do it. Advice? Stay incognito? Don't stay incognito?

DON'T STAY INCOGNITO

aspies like to hide and get stuck in the comfort zone. grab yourself by your ears and get yourself out of it. make yourself feel anxious, self conscious. Do it. That's how you learn. That's how you grow.

I'll do my best. Just updated my bebo page with something more than "nothing to say" under the "about me" tab. It's a start I guess Next time I get in one of my euphorically happy moods I'll try talk in class...

do it! come back to WP. post about it. we'll support you.

good luck.

Things like that can go the other way. My 7-9th grade English teacher noticed that i stopped raising my hand in class and became worried that something had happened. She told me during a meeting we had that "if i knew, i should tell" or my grades could suffer (Being active in class displaying knowledge is also important "over here").

I eventually graduated 9th grade with a B+ in English, inspite of never doing any home assignments (i could never focus on boring stuff like that with a computer in the room). I continued to get good grades in College in both technical and business english - and i owe it all to raising my hand and displaying my knowledge.


Moral of the story: Do not be a "hermit crab", show the world who you are.

thanks. I will

I know that's good advice, but the thing is I despise myself, and see myself as sub-human, and it's hard to show everyone who I am when I feel that way about myself

But anyway, I will try to put my hand up next time i'm feeling good, could be a while though, I'm feeling crap right now

Well, I agree that the experience will probably be more positive than it may seem at the moment, but if by 'grow', you're implying that a brain dysfunction can be outgrown, overcome or cured by forcing yourself to do things that fall within your handicap, that won't happen.

FDR may have been able to force himself to stand and take a step or two, but Polio isn't something you just 'walk off' and entering a talent show will not cure you of Asperger's Disorder - not even a little bit. That's just self-flagellation.

YOU LEARN TO COPE WITH YOUR ANXIETY is all I mean. hehe. i love caps.

- evil all caps man:twisted:

I know I can't fix my AS, ever, but I'm just hoping that...I don't know. My aspie friend is more outgoing and confident than I am, and that's gives me a bit of hope.

All it takes is a strive to live life to the fullest extent, and then beyond. Yearn for feeling and understanding of all your emotions. Instead of saying you can't do things, say you can, and try it. If you fail, don't worry about, because it's nothing more than a lesson learned.

you're bound to be nervous when you do it, but you will feel proud of yourself after you have done it cos it will be an acheivement. things like that abit out of your comfort zone gives you a confidence boost too

I feel for you! I used to be terrified to play the piano in front of other people. I always played alone. I had the same fears about making mistakes. The truth is, most people won't catch it if you do make a mistake. And the few that do, who cares?! Many people can't play anything more than "chopsticks" and therefore have an appreciation for someone who can play beyond their talent. Keep your chin up! It gets easier!

Me too, but since I took lessons, my parents and teacher expected me to play in the recital. I HIGHLY DISLIKE being the center of attention. As long as you don't say "whoops, wrong note." they don't know if you messed up. They might think it sounds better that way... Now if I play, its kinda okay. But I don't really do it anymore...

Well, I got lucky and had a piano teacher that didn't have recitals. I simply practiced what she taught and then the next week played what I was taught just to her. She was a strange woman who was always smoking a cigarette and wearing a wig - haha. But my parents, who were paying for the lessons, used to get mad at me because I would never practice in front of them even. So they didn't know if it was paying off or not. Meanwhile, since I was the first to arrive home right after school, I'd make up my own songs on the piano. Sometimes I'd even write words. Eventually I found a book on chord theory at the library and just kinda took off into my own direction. Soon enough I could play by ear.

For whatever reason I didn't feel too uncomfortable playing the piano before the youth group started at my church. Anyone who happened to catch me always bragged on me, which made me feel good. Once the youth pastor figured it out, he wanted me to play along with him, which I didn't mind so much since he was taking the brunt of the attention. From there I was finally invited to play in front of the entire church, which REALLY bothered me. But after doing it a number of times the fear subsided. Then I was invited to play in a youth band in front of a large crowd in a theatre. I did great during the practices with a few new faces and all up until the day of the concert. I shook the whole time. But even then, I eventually became desensitized to even that.

Had it not been for those things, I would have never been able to play or sing at any of the places I've been. I'm not afraid of public speaking anymore and from time to time I even like Karaoke. Whats weird is that now I don't like small crowds. I get "woo hoos" and "owwws" and even other kinds of attention whether I like it or not. Most of the time I'm flattered. Sometimes it is the conversation starter.

What I'd really like now is to learn how to really dance. Not just moving side to side or whatever generic move, but really express myself. I'l even like to learn the older stuff, like how to tango and swing dance. There was a fascinating period of time in the '90s when this type of music returned, along with ska. I figured out how to skank, but not the other stuff.

OK, I'm rambling. Ciao!