Friends or people of the opposite gender thinking you're..

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attractive.

When you don't want them to. It makes me feel REALLY uncomfortable. I was wondering if anyone else had the same problem.

Doesn't sound like a problem to me (But that's me)

It doesn't neccesarily have to mean much if your friends find you physically attractive.


I got a little of that sort of thing.

I've got the same issue too!!

hale, do you mean when (a) they say you are good looking, or (b) they are actually attracted to you? There is a difference.

If you mean when they are actually attracted to you, then it is easy to understand why you feel uncomfortable -- because you do not want to have a relationship with them, while they are warm to the idea of a relationship. Obviously it is uncomfortable if one wants a relationship and the other does not.

On the other hand, if someone says you are good looking, it does NOT necessarily mean they are actually attracted to you. For example, I might say that Angelina Jolie is good looking and physically attractive, however I do not want, wish for, or seek a relationship with her. I am merely making a simple statement of obvious fact -- she is good looking and anyone can see that; it is a fact.

So if they are just saying you are good looking, then I would just take that as a compliment. It is the same as someone saying to you, "Nice shoes" or "I like your hairstyle". No reason to feel uncomfortable, as it is nothing more than a simple compliment. No big deal.

But if they are indicating some desire for romance and you do not feel the same way, then yes that is uncomfortable and unfortunately there probably is not much you can do about it to restore comfort.

And just to make you feel better, may I say that personally, I think you are hideously and grotesquely ugly, children probably cry when they see you, and you would be doing a service to humanity if you wore a paper bag over your head at all times. Actually, make it a plastic bag so you can wear it in the shower as well. Consequently, I will never, ever consent to being your e-tampon

Last edited by emp on 13 Jun 2006, 6:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I feel very uncomfortable when anyone says I am attractive, or anything like that. First of all, I have a very low self esteem, so I don't believe them anyways. I also feel like they are probably just lying to me, because I feel very ugly. And second, I am asexual, so I am completely uninterested in any kind of relationship.

It depends who it is and the amount that they express it. If I can't stand the person it bugs me. If I just am not attracted to them but don't hate them then it's no big deal. Sometimes I even like it, just because it gives me some satisfaction that some people do, in fact, find me attractive, and that gives me more hope that someday I'll finally meet someone I find attractive and who finds me attractive--hopefully even moreso in personality than in appearance.

I've had a couple of my girl buddies and a few past coworkers confess attraction to me (when I didn't feel the same about them).

The girl buddies were complicated and it made things weird. Especially once they got all distant and acted like we weren't as good a friends anymore. That or they would make snide remarks about the girls I would pick to date or the types of girls I would go out with... I still have problems with two of these friends (one of which I rejected three years ago and she still won't let it go). At first it was uncomfortable but I stuck with them because they were my friends. As time has passed, it's gone to more of an annoyance (I really care about them, otherwise I would kick them to the curb).

The coworkers liking me just sucked. I have certain ideals about work and work ethic and this just didn't go well with those ideals. I had one instance where I was a supervisor to one girl who did this -- I was afraid of how she would react to my rejection of her.

Yeah but I know what they're thinking and that is really rather frightening. Imagining people I don't like fantisising about me (they probably do because most males just think about sex all the time) makes me feel ill and lowers my sex drive.

Because of this I'm really rude to the majority of males because I don't want them to like me. This is not an online problem, only in real life.



You wouldn't turn her down if she showed up in your bed.



I'm starting to think I am, too.

People are sexual. Well, most people anyway, I think. I'm not really involved in the whole sexual-dating-relationships-love mess right now, so I just assume that people are from what I hear. So there's a good chance they do think about doing nasty stuff with you, as long as they have blood running through their veins.

But what does it matter anyway, unless you both decide to act upon it? Sexual thoughts are entirely normal, and I bet you do it to people you wouldn't consider going out with too.

I have you tried to make them think other wise? Do you think you are attractive? I don't really know what to say. Hope you can stop them from thinking that way.

Yes, and so do women. Research has indicated that BOTH men and women think about sex quite a lot. The idea that only men think about it all the time, that is a stereotype.

And women most certainly do fantasize about sex, and it is NOT only men who are the "perverts". For voluminous proof of this, have a look at Nancy Friday's books, "Women On Top", "Forbidden Flowers", "My Secret Garden", etc. These books are collections of women's sexual fantasies, and very much destroy the stereotype that only men are sex addicts/perverts.

I also know from my own personal experience, talking with girlfriends and female friends, that women are equally as much sex addicts as are men.


Then stop imagining it. Stop focusing on it. It sounds like you are fantasizing about men who fantasize about you, except that your fantasizing is negative, an "anti-fantasy".

If it makes you feel ill to imagine it, it is your own fault for imagining it! If you are in control of your own mind, then you can choose what you imagine and focus on. Do not choose to imagine things which make you feel ill!

And as Enigmatic_Oddity said, you too probably have sexual fantasies about people who are uninterested in you, or who you are not seeking a relationship with.


You being rude to them most likely makes their fantasy MORE intense because you are appearing unattainable. Fantasizing about the unattainable is common. You being rude to them is also flaunting your power, and this may cause them to fantasize about a reversal of the situation where they regain the power; where the tables are turned. Therefore I think you are probably causing the opposite effect of what you intended.


You would not turn down Keanu Reeves or Viggo Mortensen if he showed up in your bed. Most single women who think Keanu Reeves, Viggo Mortensen, or Brad Pitt is good looking would not turn him down if he showed up their bed.

Sex can be done only for pleasure, or it can be done as part of a loving relationship. Intrinsically, there is nothing wrong with either of these. Sex only for pleasure, provided that both people want the same thing, there is nothing wrong with it. It is only wrong if you are hurting or misleading someone.

It is usually said that sex as part of a loving relationship is better, and I agree, however sex for only pleasure can still be enjoyable and good.


Being asexual and being uninterested in relationships are 2 different and separate things (although they may be related).

It is quite possible for a person to be asexual but still interested in relationship (he/she would probably seek a partner who is also asexual).

And it is quite possible for a person to be sexual but not interested in relationship (similarly, he/she would probably seek a person who does not want a relationship with him/her). As I said, 2 different things.

Some people feel asexual because the drugs/medication they are taking makes them feel that way. It is a known side-effect of some medications. I was once friends with such a person. She switched to a different medication, and then her sexuality returned to normal.

And ofcourse, some people feel asexual for reasons unrelated to any medication (they are not taking any medication that has a possible effect on sexuality).

wow i so cant relate to that..

people make a compliment about you, or want to go out with and you think its a bad thing?


oh you would love to be me..

lol I can't argue with all that intense picking things to bits emp :p

You know.. my short attention span..

Well, I for one don't fantasize about my crushes...kinda hard to when I feel dismal whenever I think about them. My fantasies have always involved people who don't exist, who you can therefore warp the forms of--make them look however you want, you know? You can't do that with someone who actually exists (let's not get into plastic surgery, that's just nasty IMO). But then, the crushes I get are usually for their personalities, rather than their appearances--there are so few people in existence that I find physically beautiful, sexy, etc. So I dunno, I'm a strange case I guess, but I just kinda wanna put that out there.

Just say, "emp, you're the slickest bas***d I've ever met."

You're kidding, aren't you? My problem is the exact opposite From what I've read, though, being universally deemed un-attractive is the norm for AS males, although this doesn't seem to apply to AS females.

Couldn't you just make yourself less attractive? I know cosmetic shops sell make-up but not 'make-down' but you could improvise. A couple of stick on warts and fake scars from a joke shop maybe. What about blindfolding a friend and getting them to cut your hair?