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tikidweller
Raven
Raven

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Joined: 20 Apr 2006
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 113
Location: Canada

29 Apr 2009, 10:39 pm

I've been having issues with my best friend. We've been fighting alot lately and it's kinda sad cos we're pretty close and consider each other family. I don't exactly understand why I am making her so mad. She says it's an issue to do with me "dodging" her. By that she means avoiding telling her something or at least I think that's what she means. I feel so stupid right now because I am an adult and no matter how hard I try to understand it, I just don't. And I try to avoid doing it but it's always too late and she ends up snapping at me. This is the latest conversation we've had. What happened is I was supposed to go pick up some hoodies for a social group that we're both a part of.

Me: umm I don’t know how to tell you this..
Her: whats going on aj
Me: I did something incredibly stupid
Her: what did you do?
Me: and now I don’t have money for the hoodies
Me: I don’t really want to say what I did
Her: say it
Me: you’re going to kill me...
Her: ??
Me: Well um...my sister
Her: ?
Me: *cringes* I really don’t want to tell you the full story
Her: You’re making me mad by dodging
Me: But she put me in a situation where she was going to leave me in the middle of nowhere if I didn’t give her all my money
Her: Forget it you’re dodging, I’m mad
Me: I’m not I just really don’t want to tell you the details
Me: Please don’t get mad at me like this. Feels like I’m walking on eggshells
Her: no I’m mad because you pulled the bs dodging game on me
Me: but it’s not a game though, it’s just how I talk
Me: do you have any idea how upset I am?
Me: This is not fair, don’t ignore me like this
Me: feels like I’m walking on eggshells
Her: I went afk, I’m sorry
Me: it’s ok
Me: but please...what did I do wrong?
Me: I’m beating myself up trying to figure it out
Her: never mind
Her: it’s fine
Me: I know I’m socially ret*d sis, I’m sorry
Her: No f*****g telling me your gonna get mad if I tell you this over and over again, it’s bs and it’s a dodging game
Me: ok, I actually wasn’t aware of that
Me: I’m sooo sorry
Me: I must be infuriating to deal with
Her: No you pull some dumb s**t no matter how many times I let you know what you’re doing
Me: I know I do
Me: I try so hard not to but I don’t even realize I’m doing it
Me: it’s part of being an aspie
*she signs off*
I send in a message: You’re dodging me now, thanks for being a hypocrite


Please...I really need some helpful advice here because I care about her so much and really don't want to lose her. What can I do to prevent this from happening?



opinionsEverywhere
Hummingbird
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Joined: 27 Apr 2009
Age: 46
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Location: San Francisco, CA

29 Apr 2009, 11:19 pm

I don't know about the level of your obligation to purchase the hoodies. This would affect how angry she is. It seems to me like she is being unfair with this "dodging" crap. I don't get what your sister was doing, but I should guess that you have a right to tell anyone that, yes you made a mistake and let your friend down (not getting hoodies), but the details are too embarrassing or whatever is the case to share. That of course will annoy almost anyone. I'm kind of annoyed thinking, what the hell happened with the sister that you had to give all your money to her, but if you feel it's none of someone's business, and it truly doesn't involve them then that is your right. It is your friends role as a mature person to accept that however frustrating it is. Unless that was her money that you gave away or that sort of thing. It seems from the chat you printed that she is being a brat out of anger. It probably doesn't help when you play the aspie card. It sounds like, I'm special I need certain consideration for my handicap. Not a message you want to send to people who are already angry with you. Don't always assume that if someone is frustrated, angry, accusing you of behaving in some unnerving way toward them that they are correct. NT or not. It's good to take what a friend says into consideration, but it isn't always best to believe an angry NT.



tikidweller
Raven
Raven

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Joined: 20 Apr 2006
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 113
Location: Canada

30 Apr 2009, 12:01 am

opinionsEverywhere wrote:
I don't know about the level of your obligation to purchase the hoodies. This would affect how angry she is. It seems to me like she is being unfair with this "dodging" crap. I don't get what your sister was doing, but I should guess that you have a right to tell anyone that, yes you made a mistake and let your friend down (not getting hoodies), but the details are too embarrassing or whatever is the case to share. That of course will annoy almost anyone. I'm kind of annoyed thinking, what the hell happened with the sister that you had to give all your money to her, but if you feel it's none of someone's business, and it truly doesn't involve them then that is your right. It is your friends role as a mature person to accept that however frustrating it is. Unless that was her money that you gave away or that sort of thing. It seems from the chat you printed that she is being a brat out of anger. It probably doesn't help when you play the aspie card. It sounds like, I'm special I need certain consideration for my handicap. Not a message you want to send to people who are already angry with you. Don't always assume that if someone is frustrated, angry, accusing you of behaving in some unnerving way toward them that they are correct. NT or not. It's good to take what a friend says into consideration, but it isn't always best to believe an angry NT.


My sister was pretty much manipulating me into giving her money at the mall by threatening to drive away with the car and leave me stranded in a place I was unfamiliar with. I knew that the friend would probably completely blow up at me if I told her the whole story so that's why I didn't want to tell her. I know I made a mistake with the whole apsie thing, but I wanted her to know that I wasn't being a manipulative b***h and any mind games I was playing, I wasn't aware of.

Oh boy, now she's just informed me that the fight upset her so much that she went off and drank herself silly. I hate it when people do stuff like that. I feel so guilty about upsetting her so much. :cry:



TB
Veteran
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Joined: 5 Oct 2008
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30 Apr 2009, 5:58 am

tikidweller wrote:
opinionsEverywhere wrote:
I don't know about the level of your obligation to purchase the hoodies. This would affect how angry she is. It seems to me like she is being unfair with this "dodging" crap. I don't get what your sister was doing, but I should guess that you have a right to tell anyone that, yes you made a mistake and let your friend down (not getting hoodies), but the details are too embarrassing or whatever is the case to share. That of course will annoy almost anyone. I'm kind of annoyed thinking, what the hell happened with the sister that you had to give all your money to her, but if you feel it's none of someone's business, and it truly doesn't involve them then that is your right. It is your friends role as a mature person to accept that however frustrating it is. Unless that was her money that you gave away or that sort of thing. It seems from the chat you printed that she is being a brat out of anger. It probably doesn't help when you play the aspie card. It sounds like, I'm special I need certain consideration for my handicap. Not a message you want to send to people who are already angry with you. Don't always assume that if someone is frustrated, angry, accusing you of behaving in some unnerving way toward them that they are correct. NT or not. It's good to take what a friend says into consideration, but it isn't always best to believe an angry NT.


My sister was pretty much manipulating me into giving her money at the mall by threatening to drive away with the car and leave me stranded in a place I was unfamiliar with. I knew that the friend would probably completely blow up at me if I told her the whole story so that's why I didn't want to tell her. I know I made a mistake with the whole apsie thing, but I wanted her to know that I wasn't being a manipulative b***h and any mind games I was playing, I wasn't aware of.

Oh boy, now she's just informed me that the fight upset her so much that she went off and drank herself silly. I hate it when people do stuff like that. I feel so guilty about upsetting her so much. :cry:


she decided to go drink you didnt made her do it sounds to me like she wants you to feel guilty by telling you this.



Jsmitheh
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 13 Dec 2008
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Posts: 131

30 Apr 2009, 6:56 am

Wow your sister is a terrible person.



llama123
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 5 Apr 2009
Age: 31
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Location: new zealand

01 May 2009, 4:30 am

try being honest to her i know its no easy but if you keep going the way that you are then you might not be her friend anymore which trust me having a good friend is important :D