Boyfriend's rude sister

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I decided to put this here instead of on the dating forum since it is more of a social interaction question than a dating question. I went out with my boyfriend's parents and sister and him this past weekend. His sister kept talking about the cost of everything and she has plenty of money. She makes bitchy comments about everything I say. I mentioned a movie that I had rented recently and she very smugly said that she is waiting for the movie to come to the library for free. We went to an outing to a winery and my boyfriend commented that he wanted to get a souveneir with the name of the winery on it. His sister had the nerve to say "You could peel the label off of the bottle of wine." How rude!! She also makes snarky comments about public transportation and undesirable people, and I don't drive and thus am dependent upon public transportation.

I can't stand this woman. It looks like she will be my future sister-in-law as I had the opportunity to talk to his mother and she hinted that he does want to marry me and just to be patient. At the gift shop my boyfriend mentioned that he didn't have any wine glasses and his mother said that they are a common wedding gift and that he would probably get some for his wedding.

I am upset because I try to get along with people even if I don't like them. But this woman literally makes me feel sick to my stomach when I am around her. Every time she is around I imagine slapping her across the face and telling her off. She is stingy and rude and thinks that she is better than everyone else. Has anyone else had to deal with an extremely rude and hateful person like this before? How can I be cordial to this person without letting her walk all over me?

Many many times, and I'm sure I'll meet many many more like her! My personal approach is to ignore them, and just remember that everyone else there is hearing her say the same words, and it's annoying them just as much. It's best to let her carry on showing herself up and not join in and challenge her, because then you'll end up sounding the same as her to everyone else. If everyone else is ignoring her, they're her family, so they likely know already there's no point in interrupting her.

Have you talked to your boyfriend about it?

No, I haven't mentioned it to my boyfriend yet. I don't want to be mean about it but her behavior really bothers me. But at least nobody responded to her stupid comment about public transportation. And nobody joined in when she said the stupid thing about free movies at the library. I don't want to cause problems between my boyfriend and his family but I don't think I should have to put up with rude behavior either. So I just would like to see as little of her as possible. I just wish she would shut up about money.

AS,
I thought about some of the things you told me and it sounds like she's mad that Joseph isn't with someone with a lot of money. She sounds like one of those who thinks she's all that. Eeek!

I agree, just ignore her and talk to Joseph about how you feel and maybe his parents about her making you feeling uncomfortable. However, if she is your future-in-law than be be careful.

Part 1.
(disclaimer: I’m the Mom of a 30yo aspie…)
Your phrase “sick to my stomach” is a solid clue that this is a problem worth taking on. Ignoring is great if you’re not related/rarely see. But this woman will be in your life for decades.

Exploding all over her makes YOU the bad guy in the family and who wants that? You want to be crafty AND sweet-faced, and pull the rug out from under the sister in a way that leaves her without a legitimate complaint. You do not have to figure this out immediately; time is on your side. Use the “ignore” tactic for a while, if need be.

Over dinner or on a walk, and in neutral tones, relate to your boyfriend what you wrote here in this forum. Say, you found these incidents puzzling, and see how he responds. He’ll probably say, “Oh, that’s just her way, “, or some such. And you say, “It just hurt me, is all,” and drop the subject.

NOW, you know he realizes Sister’s being smug, snarky, and rude. That is something to work with. You’ll be able to enlist his help later.

In the meantime, look online and ask friends for suggestions. Maybe there are other forums or advice columnists where you could get some help. Even talking to a social worker once or twice would help, if you’ve got insurance or access to a free clinic.

One idea that pops in my head is the over-the-top double reverse. Sister says she’s waiting for the movie to come to the library; YOU say, with a cheery grin, oh, did I say RENT? I meant, the head of Universal brought it to my house, and he’ll drop by next week to pick it up! At the winery, Sister says, peel off the wine label, and YOU grin and swoop the empty bottle into her hands and say – great idea! Can you do that for us?? Or, WOW ! Sister’s money–saving tip #89! Let me write that down!! (keep grinning!) Public Transportation? Grin, and, SOOO glad I can take a car off the road and make commute easier for you!
(by the way – all these examples are about $$; maybe she’s not as solid financially as she pretends…?)

Once you have a plan, practice in the mirror using recent examples to respond to. Remember the grin. You might also let your boyfriend in on it, so that he’ll know what’s happening and have your back.

Keys: YES she is being rude; you have a right to be treated with dignity. And, the best solution is one that leaves YOU smelling like a rose!

Wish I had something more concrete for you. Good luck!