Through being social for a while...

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Boy what a disastrous night I had on Saturday. It was a massive failure on the dating front, the social front, and the independence front. I girl I really liked invited me to her birthday celebration. Dinner with friends followed by drinks. Simple enough. We decided to carpool, and she offered to pick me up, to which I agreed. That was my big mistake. She arrives, and I quickly discover she has already had a few drinks! Her driving was terrifying...speeding (I mean, really speeding...as in 85 to 90 in a 70), switching lanes, veering over to catch exits, and all the while fooling around with her cellphone and GPS. And on top of it all, she drives one of those god awful SUVs that will tip over on a dime. I honestly feared for my life. I'm thinking, "God, I just graduated a week ago, and started an awesome new job, and I'm gonna die with these idiots!" Thankfully we arrived.

Then at dinner, she promptly grabs a spot, and I'm left to fend for myself. I wind up seated far from her, sandwiched between a bunch of people I don't know, but who know each other. So in one fell swoop, I realize she isn't interested in me, and I'm stuck with a bunch of people who are busy talking with each other about the most mundane, stupid conversations, of which I'm pretty much excluded. I'd have given anything for some good, intelligent discussion about politics, religion, philosophy, something! Instead, they're the usual bunch of cattle whose only concern is where they're moving next, or some account at their meaningless job, or what piece of IKEA furniture they like, or what they're going to drink tonight.

Which brings me back to the main subject. So my "date" proceeds to drink beer followed with a shot of god knows what, and then it's off to a bar, which is noisy, crowded and karaoke night! Everybody proceeds to buy more beer and shots, while I'm stuck because I can't stand the taste of alcohol. Now, I don't mind if others drink a bit, but god, let's do it in moderation, in a nice place where we can sit down and have a conversation. Everything was geared toward getting DRUNK. And the place is so noisy I can't even socialize. I asked one of the other persons in my group (who happened to live near my place) when he was planning on leaving. "Who knows? I'm staying forever!" was his reply. I felt ready to have a panic attack. So I hit rock bottom. I called my dad to pick me up. I made a hurried excuse that I had an early morning, and didn't realize it'd be a late night, yadda, yadda, yadda, and fled. I wound up standing outside by myself for twenty minutes or so, before my Dad came around 11:45 at night.

It was pretty devastating, and I've been secluded in my room most of the day. I just don't see the point anymore. All my old friends are married and living elsewhere, and to find new ones, I feel like I have to suffer the bars and the drinking. I can't seem to find people my age in other places. I sure would love to talk to people when I'm running, but they all wear those goddamn ipods. It's all stacked in favor of the house! I just don't understand it, and I'm more scared than ever that I'm permanently excluded, that I'll never have a "gang" to hang around with, that, because I choose not to drink, and I have trouble in crowded places with loud noises, I've set myself up for exclusion. I was in a crowded, noisy bar, and I never felt more alone or out of place. I'm feeling just about as low as I can get, and I just want to give up!

BR

I know what you are saying about crowded bars and nightclubs. I feel so isolated in those places, with all the lights and the music is never to my liking, the volume up way to high to the point i can not even hear myself think. I resort to sitting on my own and just drinking but them the depressing effects of the alcohol kick in. I have had to leave them on many occasions early in the night but in the past i have my friends follow me out, then accusing me of ruining there night because they wanted to stay and have fun when i was not even asking them to leave, i do not know why they just did not stay inside and let me make my own way home, it's as if they do not think i am capable of getting in a taxi by myself.

I can not help you on the making new friends front, all my old friends from school are gone, the only friend I have lives just 4 doors up from me and i only see him about once a week at the most, it's been about three years since i went out to a bar socialising. I really want to do something with my life, meet like minded people, go out, do thinks and have fun but i just do not know how. I used to enjoy going to my local, it was a nice quite village pub but it's just full of strangers now. I am sorry that i have no real advise for you but all i can say is, i feel you pain.

the story of my life in two posts! i feel your pain dudes!

Oh guys .... looking for love (and friends) in all the wrong places! If there are not ready-made social groups where you live, for the things you're interested in, try creating one. Post a note on Craigslist, or wherever there's a bulletin board of some kind ... church, if you're a member, at work if the workforce is big enough to be really diverse, one of the local supermarkets here has a community bulletin board ... e.g.:

DO YOU LIKE BUGS?
Looking to meet other amateur entomologists ... call (xxx)xxx-xxxx

or

TREKKIES UNITE
Recent high school grad wants to meet other Star Trek fans ... call... (or, you know, how ever a Trekkie would say that)

or, if there's a local university or museum or cultural center or something, with any programs related to what you're interested in, see if they have lectures or similar, or if not call, tell them you hope to meet people who share your interests, and see if you can volunteer in some way -- you're bound to meet people who will be interesting to you. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, lots of young idealists there.

Hope it helps