Need a bit of advice

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One of my current obssesions is building and flying radio controlled aeroplanes and I've been looking at joining a local club, however, turning up at a flying site to meet a bunch of people I don't know has me worried to the point where I'm likely to miss out on joining before they fill their empty membership spots, I'm concerned that the following might happen: I get ignored; everybody thinks I'm an idiot; everybody stares at me as I'm new; everybody laughs at the equipment I use; I get told to bugger off etc. I know most of it is irrational but does anybody have any tips for trying to introduce yourself to a crowd of people you've never met and make a positive impression?

Many thanks.

I find joining groups that have the same interest as me much easier than just general meeting people as you can just talk about the common interest you share. So hopefully it will be the same for you

Why do you think people might think you are an idiot, etc? I have been told that often people are too worried about what others think of them to worry too much about what others are like.

One thing I have found helps me get on with people is to ask them about their interests. It seems people like to talk about themselves and like people who show an interest in them. Also this means you are doing less talking and have less chance to say something weird. I often remind myself when I am talking lots that I have to make sure other people can talk as well and that I might be boring them. As soon as I remember this then I ask them questions about their interests. This is very easy in interest-based clubs. But a bit harder in other circumstances...

I hope that helps Good luck and I hope you have a great time.

Hi Krabs and welcome to the forum!

I understand your thoughts very well. I did such an approach once, joined a club for an obsession I had. In my case it failed due to many reasons and it ended up in resigning my membership some years later and I lost the interest.
It was indeed very difficult in the beginning to appear as newcomer. Most people knew each other since before and had quite some off topic talkings, meaning they didnt need to talk about the subject of the club all the time. Partly that and also partly the fact even if you all gather together in the same interest they have the social advantage of beeing NTs made it difficult to join in as an aspie.

But I dont want to scare you off from trying this out. I would like you to do so. Because you came to the point of these thoughts then you really miss to have somebody to share your interest with.
I see it as a good social sign and its certainly worth a try. But it can be spooky in the beginning, just as all new situations might be, like if you starting at a new working place.

The benefits in this case you have is simply your own knowledge and experiences of radio controlled aeroplanes. Out of that it can be easier with introduction in talking and getting to know each other as the subject is very obvious. You bring your own planes and you see theirs and you exchange experiences and learn new things. If I was part of the club you want to join I would think its fun with a newbie who is enthusiastic and curious. I would want to know about your technique and how you build your planes and how many planes you got and what colours and so on and so on....

Im sure you have your socially difficult moments but I hope it will be worth the great feeling it can be to SHARE your special interest with somebody!

So take a deep breath, be brave, join the club and be proud of yourself that you got the courage to do it!

Good Luck!!

I also find interest groups easier to be in than just plain social groups.
One thing that helps me work up the nerve is to put more mental emphasis on the fact that I am going to see the planes [or whatever] than going to meet people.

Get/Stay excited about all the neat new planes you'll get to see... and that same enthusiasm/admiration for the planes will automatically help you engage a bit with the people who have them.

It's OK to go slow and easy, just go.

Don't worry too much, you have something (your plane) to take the focus off you personally. Everyone will want to see yours and show you theirs (oh hell that sounds perverted, sorry) and there you have it. You'll most likely just kind of slip into place with them without even really trying.

Thanks for all the replies, very helpful, I was toying with the idea of taking somebody with me but despite my fears I think it's something I'd be better off doing on my own, experience for the future and all that.

I almost suggested taking a friend, but when I do that, I only talk to the person I know and don't meet a soul. So I'll take a friend to a gallery opening, a concert, or a talk, but when I'm trying to break into a new group of folks I actually want to try to connect with, I go solo.

It gives me the shudders, but so far it's worked out pretty good. It seems like there's always someone who will come forward, introduce themselves and help me feel a little more comfortable. Then it's a one-to-one situation and I can do OK with that.

It's down the road that things tend to go awry... but that was before the AS ID, so now things may shift a bit for me there.

Howabout just showing up without your planes and watching? Don't join the club...yet, but hang out and get a feel of what's happening and watch what the other people do.

Here's the tricky part; don't approach anybody, let them come to you. After a while, you might just end up talking to a few people about the planes, and I bet someone will ask you to jion the group. It may not happen at once, but if you keep going and watching, you'll catch on and others will get to know you a little. Hey, it's a start.

Often times that's how many join groups, by showing interest. Others often are more than willing to share their interests with new people. Some even become mentors.

Just think about it. If it feels comfortable, then go slow and give it a try. Really, you have nothing to lose.

By the way, a lot of people think I'm an idiot. After many years of trial and error, I find the best way to deal with that is to remember that I have way more life experience than those morons.

It helps.

Try to say something amusing, then something subtly intelligent (w/out overding it or being too broad), and then say something rediculous or slightly embarassing. Because the people who talk to you after that are the ones that will at least respect you. The things you would say (or do) however, would have to be relative to yourself and what actually going on. Do you understand?

Thanks folks, I'm all set to head over at lunchtime on Sunday (weather permitting).

Hey, let us know how it goes.
Good Luck!

Lots of good advice here. One thing I'd add is that even NT people are usually self-conscious and insecure around new acquaintances, so at least you don't have to add in feeling like a weirdo for feeling awkward ... it's normal to feel awkward.

The other thing, if you're feeling inadequate about your knowledge and equipment, is to just say "Oh, I'm just a beginner, I just have this one little plane so far ... wow, your plane is so cool! No wait, can you show me how to do that?" It's OK to be a novice as long as you're not trying to act like you're not a novice, and as long as you're enthusiastic enough to let them know they will not bore you or lose you ... you make THEM feel like experts, they will WANT to show you their stuff and teach you.

One more thing, I would think that in a special-interest group there are likely to be at least a few other aspies ... people who go deeply and whole-heartedly into an interest, no? I'm glad you decided to go. Have fun!

My advice:

1) Just go for it. The worst that will happen is that you won't get in. While this is pretty bad, remember that if you don't go for it, you definitely won't get in, thus dooming yourself to the worst case scenario.

2) If you seem nervous, the others will chalk it up to your being new. After a while, these people won't be stranges anymore, and you probably won't be so nervous.