Do you feel like you failed if someone doesn't like you?

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CaptainTrips222
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12 May 2009, 11:21 am

Sometimes, when I'm chronically ignored by someone who should otherwise know me better, I feel like I did something wrong. Sometimes, when someone pretends to not notice, I feel resentment, and I take it personally, because I think it must be because they think I'm weird or something like that. Of course, I'm talking about the people who recognize me and have had past interactions with me.



i_wanna_blue
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12 May 2009, 5:03 pm

In the past I usually took peoples perceived rejections quite seriously. I was always hoping people would like me and show me the respect I showed them. But I learnt that not being important to others is not in my control. Some people for whatever reason may see it unfit to show me any type of concern. I can't change it. and one just has to accept it.

There will be people who will show you this concern and others who don't. Chasing for others approval will only make your life more complicated. It can be hard to swallow sometimes I know. Don't let it get you down.



protest_the_hero
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12 May 2009, 10:27 pm

Agreed. There will always be douchebags in the world.



CaptainTrips222
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12 May 2009, 11:13 pm

Thanks guys. Still, it's so hard sometimes. I wish I could sever some "sensitivity nerves" and not feel bad when I see someone cast their eyes down. It hurts, but I can't change it.



Rok
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15 May 2009, 6:37 pm

Just take comfort in knowing that the entire world isn't all bad, and that yes, there are lots of douchebags out there. They're not everywhere though. The nice ones are always hiding, mostly like us, waiting for someone to discover them. Although, it always seems that I find mostly douchebags under every rock I turn over...



Ligea_Seroua
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15 May 2009, 7:17 pm

Immensely hurt. Even more so where there are (independently*) more areas in common than not. I tend to put people on pedestals though, not realise they may be flawed enough to be deeply unpleasant. Friendship is a great effort, so rejection/ignoring hurts on more than just a simple "they don't like me" level...it makes me feel ashamed for even caring or trying.


*And yet on the flipside, on facebook I get creeped out if I have too many things in common with people, I feel that they will think I'm copying or stalking them..I sometimes refrain from telling/sharing interests if it seems too many/too much


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Witch
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16 May 2009, 1:42 am

You'll get ignored throughout your life. That's just the way it is.



jemir1234
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16 May 2009, 8:46 am

I get ignored too. Heather Kuzmich the asperger model, she siad "I'm used to people ignoring me". I get ignored, I don't know why.
When someone is talking I wait until they stop. Then I add my thoughts into the conversation and that person starts talking to another person.

Some times I'll be like "Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris" on and on and on and on, and I know that person hears me but he or she is just being a weird NT.

If I were to call chris a punk or something derogatory he would then blow up at me. But people hear what they want to hear. In my perspective, for us aspies there are no real friends because people will not always be exactly what we want them to be, so forget them. And "Forget them" doesnt mean to literally lose memory of them

It means:
Stop Thinking about them. Stop talking about them. Stop talking to them. Ignore them as well. Hate them.

Because they ignore you doesnt mean that they dont like you, but you have the right to hate them because of it, but dont let it make you think about it all day.

My mom is like that she ignores me, my brother too. They just want to hear what they want to hear. There's no such thing as ignoring.

This girl in class is like that for example I'll be like "Paula Paula Paula Paula!! !!" right next to her. She wont even be busy or anything she'll just be staring into space.

But at times when I was busy and talking to people she called my name and i didnt answer and she said "You know what f**k you b***h, no get down here now I'm not waiting we have to do this"

People hear only what they want to hear.

I'll tell people how she acts but everyone else ignores me too. I get ignored on wrong planet by many of the members, guys and girls. I'll send a message and it will be ignored. And I dont fool myself, no one is busy they just dont want to respond to me, it doesnt mean they hate me, they are just douchebags, and if any of you do that you fall into that category, I'm sorry.

So let me put it this way.

People are STUPID!!



Fudo
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16 May 2009, 1:38 pm

yes unfortunately.. even if it's people i've not met before, if people don't like me or i perceive that to be so, it upsets me because i think i potentially could have "gotten on with" that person & be liked by them etc..
i'm not a nasty person IMO & so it's never pleasant to not feel liked / respected..



Witch
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17 May 2009, 2:16 am

Being ignored really sucks. You try to fit in and converse with others, but then when you say something or respond to something, no one pays any attention. Really annoying to the point of screaming.

Even at work while in a group discossing things, I get ignored. A lot of times, I even get ignored at the family events I have to attend. It's gotten to the point sometimes that I just want to curl up and find a dark place to hide.

I have had some success dealing with it by just walking away and finding something else to do. Others had made comments about me not being a team player, but I reply that no one wanted to hear my comments, and I don't want to waste time trying. That often clears up the confusion.

A chef I see on a cooking show sometimes says "Walk away. Just walk away." when he says something needs to cook undisturbed for an amount of time. That's what I say now-Walk away. Just walk away.



reginaterrae
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21 May 2009, 11:59 am

I used to ... not any more. I'm sitting here trying to think what changed. Maybe it changed when I found out that some people really, honestly, DO like me. That made it OK for some other people not to like me.



missdoc
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21 May 2009, 1:52 pm

Absolutely. Right now I have a problem with this and I don´t know if/how to solve it. One boy from my uni who studies the same year as me, once said hello and my name to me-(it was the very first week I was at this uni and I was frustrated from the system and felt/still feel/ alone with my opinions) and it was a nice surprise and we were in contact since then..from the beginning it was him who was making the first step in the convo but as I got to know him better I was relaxed and pleased to talk to him about the same field that we both love.

And here´s the point-I was glad I had someone with the same interest as me and everything went well (I must say we were just acquaintances,not anything more but still it meant lot to me to have someone to "just talk"..) until the start of a new semester (summer holidays inbetween) -now he doesn´t communicate (but it seems it´s not just with me, but generally..) and when I asked him he told it was just because of the year that it´s boring and weird(most people sy it about the second year of this school) and no more comment on this. And since then we never talked and I think it was my fault but how and when did it happen? Maybe I didn´t notice him sometimes at school when he was greeting me or what??

I have to say I am really sorry for losing a potential future friend just like this.. (and sorry for the lenghth of the reply,too..hope someone has the same experience and solved it well?? :) )