WOOHOO, Wait...DAMMIT

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I managed to get real life feedback, but it is in NTspeak.

It would seem I am too "Intense" (I do not exceed 100 deg C, nor give off many lums, nor under significant tensile strength) so presumbly some characteristic of mine is too much(telling me what it is would be too easy though, wouldn't it)

It would also appear, that I do not show platonic interest in others(I guess "What did you do today?","What are you up to?" and stopping to chat to people, and trying to arrange to spend time with them is not an indicator of interest in a person. What the hell is?

The only bit that did make sense is everyone else's I am pissed off face resembles my I am constipated face, maybe I should eat more bran.

Cannot... stop... myself...

Must... put... missing... parenthesis...

Gaaaaaaaaaaa!

)

Whew. Okay, I'm better now. I'm so sorry about that. I just had to before I could reply .

I found when I forced myself to regurgitate the same 'greeting pleasantries' of 'I'm fine, how are you today?' it went much better with the NT on the other end of the conversation. Somehow (and I truly don't know how) this makes them more 'at ease' with whatever they are trying to get across to you. You've taken the first step and written them out here, try just throwing them out to someone verbally and seeing what happens. You've got nothing to lose, brother (unless you really do start eating more bran).

Also, it's nice that you even found someone you could trust who was willing to be so open with you about your behavior on a helpful level. Those moments are few and far between.

LOL.. I know that one about parenthesis.. xD

You're such an aspie.

(((((Lol)))))

I do regurgitate the greetings, my queries are an attempt to elict a greater response, to learn about the indvidual and their interests,etc

I need to demonstrate that I am intrested in what they have to say, who they are, what they enjoy without interrograting. I need to learn to show mine in order to make it sharing but without it being about me. I must get others to talk to me about themselves somehow.

It certainly was, it does make me sad that I may never see them again, and that there was never a hint of this in a year, when I could of made actions to atone and devlope a friendship.

One... two.... three... four... okay <whew>




OH! Oh, okay my bad there. Understood. At this point I usually throw out something open-ended. My typical stock phrase is "So, how was your weekend". This usually leads to something important to them that can be commented on with something from the ‘inane comment list’ to satisfy the requirement that I am interested in them as a person. Don’t get me wrong here, I usually AM interested in them, but it took a long time to figure out how to get them to realize it. I would think I was doing just fine and then BLAMMO! Out of the blue just like in your case I’d get this ‘you show no interest in me’ jazz.



I feel you there! I typically never heard about it until things were unsalvageable. But those are the chunks of gold, my friend. The rare times when you get a reality-level of insight from the perspective you are trying to emulate. If you’ve learned from it or at least found a desire to learn from it, then you’ve taken something away you can feel good about.

Slightly OT, but: If you are not a programmer, have you ever considered a career in software development?

((()())(()))())

Aggghh!

A sample of my attempt to socialise.

Me Hi
A: Hi
M: How are you?
A: Ok, Thanks
M: Have a nice weekend?
A: Alright
M:Get up too much?
A: Nah not really.
(Insert sound of my brain exploding)

I mean really, if they don't want to tell me anything, why the hell should I know anything about them? Plus, this is a long conversation, usally it is a passing in the hallways thing, if they don't have time then and they never accept my invitations or extend their own. When the bleeding heck are we suppose to small talk?

If someone says you are 'intense' it usually means that you are are overdoing something. One of my best friends came across as 'intense' when I first met him because he was keen to get to know me but more than I expected or felt like I could tolerate - I didn't want to know him as much as he wanted to know me, and all the "shall we go to the canteen together/see you at the break" was a bit too much. In your case it may be that you are overdoing the 'conversation warm-ups' or that you fail to develop the conversation afterwards. For example, after his "Nah, not really." you could say something like, "I went to the cinema and I saw [insert film]. Have you seen it?" If they haven't you can then tell them what the film was about, what you thought of it, and from there ask questions about the sorts of films they like to see and why, or whether they like the kinds of things that happen in the film you watched. Alternatively you could have told him what you did on the weekend, and found out if he liked doing that kind of thing.

With your example dialogue it isn't that they don't want to tell you anthing, it's that the "Did you have a good weekend?" conversation it isn't always 'real' - it's more of an an introduction to a fully-developed conversation: a way of easing you in. Therefore you might have been expected to take the conversation in a new direction, and because you didn't, it stopped.

Also, all of the questions you asked in your sample are what are known as "closed-answer" questions. If the question can be answered with "yes," "no," or "maybe," that's probably the kind of answer you'll get. So instead of asking if the person had a good weekend, ask what they did on the weekend.

My problem is that I talk about my family and tell stories about people I know. Good, right? Cuz I'm not talking about myself, right?

WRONG!

Apparently people just want you to ask them questions and occasionally insert comments or short anecdotes that relate (in an obvious way, not the tangential route my stories tend to follow) to the topic at hand.

I hate small talk. I want meaningful conversation, if I'm going to have any at all. I am really bad at figuring out what questions to ask in order to get to the meaningful stuff, though.

Trouble was I always thought what, why whern,wher,who and how were open questions. I've tried ""what did you get up to at the weekend?" and usally get told"nothing" or "not much". I really wish I had something that couldn't be answerd in one or two words.

Sometimes it helps to let them initiate and then turn the question around. Many people aren't asking about something because they want to hear about you. They're asking because they want YOU to hear about THEM. For example:

THEM: Hi
You: Hi
THEM: Hey, did you see the new Star Trek Movie?
You: yes/no. Did you get to see it? How was it? <-- turn it around

Or THEM: How was your weekend
You: Nothing too exciting, what about your weekend? <-- turn it around
THEM: Oh, I got to blah blah blah because I am so important. Me.... ME... MEEEEE!

Lather, rinse, repeat. This works wonders for me when getting a haircut.

^^