MEAN?

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Okay my Vladi has always been the sweetest boy in the worls! however slowly he has become a little pain in the behind! he is mean to his younger brother and even to me! lats night I bit my cheek and I was near tears because of the pain and I was bleeding my 4 year old was very worried asking if I was okay and Vladi was rolling on the carpet laughing at me! I asked him why he laughed he said he could not help and kept laughing! it really hurt my feelings

He was dealing with it. My sixteen year old, diagnosed with autism, never knows how to respond when something upsetting happens to another. He often laughs, even when it is one of us. He is not meaning to be mean; he is just displaying his difficulty in finding the appropriate way to respond. Explain to him why he behaved inappropriately and try to tell him what he should have done. It does not come naturally to him.

And, don't take it personally (and I know full well that that is hard to do).

Make sure that he knows he should never laugh at someone who is hurt, he obviously needs to be reminded of this because if he was hurt he would not like it if someone laughed at him......I do agree though, you shouldn't take it personally, but he does have to learn, it's just going to be harder for him thats all. And under no circumstances should he nor his younger brother ever be allowed to be mean to eachother.

here is a thread on inappropriate laughter:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... pic&t=3471

hope this helps.

i laugh at things when they're not funny, which is why i dont know what to say or do in some situations, and people get mad at me.

While agreeing in principle, I don't want to give all4vladi the impression that this is somehow going to be easy. There is a difference between teaching someone not to do something and not "allowing" it. That implies that there is some sort of absolute control possilbe.

Good luck not "allowing" two brothers ever to be mean to each other.

ALL4VlADI, again, you seem to have a very positive attitude, and I am certain that you will know how to talk to your sons and instruct while keeping things in balance.

Thank you all!

ohh hecate you have no idea how good it was to read that post!

Litguy, yup I know what you mean about brothers....but it's just Vlad is 10 y/o 5'2 and 125 lbs his brother is 4 y/o 3ft tall and 32 lbs, and let me tell you sometimes Vlad trys to sit on him! so I try to not let them get too upset because if Vladi has a meltdown I am scared that he will hit Azzy....

Litguy, I have raised two children who are now 20 and one is almost 19, and I take care of 8 emotional disturbed boys, been doing that kind of work for 18 years. Yes they have been cruel and mean to each other, but it isn't tolerated. I had 3 sisters, all 4 of us were horrible to eachother and we shouldn't have been. Parents can intervene when their children cross the line, I know I certainly did with my two, and continue to do with my 8 boys. No child behaves perfectly, but it's up to their parents to correct them when they do something wrong. Just today at my work, one of my more difficult boys went out of his way to help a younger peer, because he continues to behave this way he recieves extra privledges and a bit more freedom. But the first signs of cruelty....we let him know it stops or he looses his privledges and his freedom. Same goes for the younger ones.Parenting is so hard, just when we think we have it figured out, our kids prove that we don't. So we have to stay consistent and look to other parents for advice, thats what I did and still continue to do. It helps alot.

ooops, i forgot to log in, I'm guest.