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Just diagnosed - should I tell my parents?

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Theyfan
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20 Nov 2005, 3:54 pm

Antigone wrote:
When my son was diagnosed they said he was on the mild end too. But that wasn't important what really mattered to me was the fact that now I could better understand some of the things he did and how I could be a better parent by having more patience with him. I learned so much by reading some of the books just because after reading a light bulb would come on in my mind and I could say, "Aha, so that's why he does this or says that."

I was lucky too because after I gave my parents some information and gave them clues about how to make his visits better by eliminating certain "normal" expectations of behavior everyone seemed to have more relaxed visits.

I don't know if that helps at all but what was important to me was to make sure the four of us first work on what the diagnoses means for our immediate family then worry about parents later.

Good Luck :D


I really appreciate what you said about waiting for us to get used to what the diagnosis means before telling my parents. I discussed this with my husband and we both think it is very sensible.

What sort of normal expectations were you having to cope with from your parents? Were they sympathetic?


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Theyfan
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20 Nov 2005, 4:01 pm

aspiedad2 wrote:
I see no reason to mention the dx of Aspergers to your parents if they can't understand the issue or be supportive about it. Especially at age 5, I don't think there is that need, unless your parents are intimately involved with the child raising responsibilities. My son was 10 when we received the Aspergers diagnosis. We did tell our parents about it, and my mother in law immediately came to his defense like we were saying something bad about him. My parents think that it is something that he'll eventually grow out of (he's 18 and hasn't grown out of it yet!). But at least they continue to love him for who he is. We've always tried to be honest with my son about his disability and help him to understand it and be open about it. He is just beginning to be more open about it and even wrote an English paper about the struggles he has. He went into detail about what his disability was without actually saying the word Aspergers. So, it's a process that as they get older they will have to eventually come to terms with.

aspiedad2


Thanks for your advice. My parents are not intimately involved with my son's care except maybe if my mum ever comes to babysit for me, which is nearly never. She is not very patient, in fact she is hard as nails with my son, much as she was with me, but last time she looked after him we used a points reward system and if he was good he got points, and if naughty they were taken away and at the time this was all that was needed to get him to behave. My Mum used my system very well, so it could be that we could do that next time and his diagnosis need not come into it.

I don't want to tell my Mum about my son, not really because of my son but because my Mum consistently lets me down and breaks my heart. I don't want her to do this with my son; the older I get, the less I want to tell my Mum about my struggles in life. If I don't let her in she doesn't have so much capacity to hurt me and let me down. She might as well be blissfully unaware because I'm sure she couldn't care less anyway.


_________________
If it wasn't for disappointment, I wouldn't have any appointments.