Hi everybody. I have created a new website msitua.net
It has some art and will have some articles and math in the future.
I have Photoshop Elements art, watercolor and graphite (and some mandelbrot art that will be added next week).
This is an article I written:
Asperger’s syndrome is a variant of autism that conjugates with normal to high intelligence. I got diagnosed at 22 years of age in a serious period when I was very ill. My life went downhill from first year in school to the year I was diagnosed. I main difficulties in life are that I do not get the undertone of what is said or read. And also that I get very tired of all sensory input from the surroundings. And finally that I get so afraid that my whole body becomes paralyzed.
I do not own the same emotions that other people. Autism is a biological variety in the brain and the autistic brain do not have the same response. I can not take care of myself and become dependent on other to keep my life together. I worry about my economical future, and give a lot of thought if I ever will be able to have a regular job. What if my best is not good enough?
I have a body of 26 earthly years and emotions that belong to a much younger body. For me it seems that my emotions take more time to change to adult, my life is very predictable with slow progress in therapy and constant fear for the future. All my life I have cried as a primary response and I still do. It feels like I have fought all my life for the right to be here on this planet. My high intelligence has made it hard for medical staff to detect my disability and it was first discovered when my body became adult and my emotions could not deal with the adult world. And the pieces of the puzzle fell into place.
I have been the ugly duckling all my life and suddenly it is said to me that I am not a duckling. I say to myself “I am a survivor” to not loose the grip of reality and cross into a fade mystical dimension. My soul is autistic and it has descended into a body with a specific wiring of the brain. The way I describe Asperger’s syndrome is an endless inner monologue. There are so many thoughts of obsessive nature inside the mind that the connection to the outside world is suppressed. The directed interest of autism is like a security blanket that comfort in a distressed situation. Predictability and minimal risk in life is very important for me to function at all. I do as much as I am able to and hopefully the surrounding will lower the bar so that I can get over.
Be well
/Robert Svensson
25 Nov 2005, 5:49 pm
