bullys and depression

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My daughter is 9 and has mild aspergersand sensory issues. I am worried she is going to become depressed again. At the end of first grade she was depressed, physically ill each morning before school and losing her hair. This was all prior to finding out what was "wrong" with her. We homeschooled last year till we could get testing and therapy started, and a new school district, ect.

Now she has a few friends in class, most of the class is somewhat indifferent to her, and there are a handful of kids that pick on her. Her friends stick up for her and are great but she is getting really upset about the few kids that pick on her. How can I help her learn to deal with these kids. She has this need for EVERYONE to like her and be friends with her and will go out of her way to try and make these kids her friends.

She has poor self-help skills and while improving greatly with therapy she has a long way to go yet and these couple kids just pick and pick and pick. About everything, good bad whatever. What she wears, that she reads better than them, that she's so smart, you name it.

Any ideas on helping her deal with the not so nice kids she is going to have to deal with for her entire academic career?

Thank You

Kelly

Vladi is 10 y/o and gets picked on TONS! unfortunately there is nothing us as parents can do for kids to like our children I hate that! Vladi has gotten picked on, made fun of, ignored and even as fas as in third grade found all his Invites to his 1st comunion in the trash. He has 2 friends and I try to help him keep them by inviting them over on playdates or letting him go, by letting them talk on the phone as much as they want. I do explain to him that he is a smart & very complex little boy and that because of this he is outcasted. I tell him that it is human nature to be scared of what they don't understand, "that" being him. This way he feels it is not he with the problem but them. This has worked for him. I hope I helped at least a little and a big hug to you little girl!

my son, now 13, was bullied mercilessly throughout elementary school and worse during the 2 years he attended public middle school.........all i can offer are two things: 1. talk to her teacher ~ there are anti-bullying laws which are supposed to protect her.... repeat offenders should have notes or phone calls made to home to discuss the situation. 2. please remember that aspies don't always perceive social situations accurately ~ just because she says that she is being picked on doesnt necessarily make it so...my son has a particularly hard time grasping the idea of anger. he believes that if you show any amount of displeasure with what he has done or said, it's because you hate him~ not because it was an isolated incident that irritated you.

Maggie does the same thing. I realize some things are misinterpretations, however there is one boy and a couploe of his friends that mock whatever she says or does and this makes it so much harder for her to handle the other stuff.

I was a lucky child in that I was never bullied all the way through high school and I put this down to the wise advice my mother gave me.

She said that I should be proud of my own achievements and that anyone who is nasty to me is only that way because they are insecure about themselves. And so rather than fear them, it is better to merely feel sorry for them.

Tell her to watch the popular kids, when one of them is off school the people that are usually their friends will run them down and insult them, showing that the popular crowd actually has very superficial and poor friendships amongst themselves, and this is down to their own insecurities about themselves. Tell her that if these people were happy being the people they are then they would not feel the need to bully or belittle anyone else. So your daughter is better than them if she is not moved to bully other people.

Also, if you show that you are upset by bullies, you are giving them exactly what they want. If you fail to respond, they will soon get bored and pick on someone else. If anyone tried to bully me I would swear at them in the most withering tone I could and they did actually leave me alone after that.

It helps to have strength in numbers, so if possible ensure she has a little gang of friends around her, so that the bullies who are basically cowards will have three people to reckon with rather than just one.

Tell her that you cannot please everyone and there will always be people who don't like you for whatever reason - just try and leave them to it, if they appear hostile, smile sweetly and be on your way, do not try to win them round because they will perceive weakness and try to exploit it.

Lots of luck.

I would contact the principal. As a matter of fact, I have contracted a principal with the exact same situation. I wrote a letter along the lines of...Dear Mr. Principal,
As you know, it is a very serious matter for a disabled student to be bullied because of his disability. Wiht that in mind, I'd like to inform you that on Date, So-and-So and Name, bullied my son by telling him write-in-name. Per my son, this is almost a daily occurance. Please contact me so that we may set up a time to discuss this issue."

I expected to be blown off and to have to document more bullying and make an issue it. I was pleasently surprised though when the principal called. He said he would be happy to meet at any time and I should know that he had called in the two named students and discussed the serious nature of bullying and the consqences of it, and that he was quite willing to apply those consqences. He also told three of David's teachers (those where the two were in class with David) to immediately rearrange the seatting chart in such a way that David ended up near the front (so the teacher could keep an eye on it) and surrounded by more supporting students. The rearrangement was to be done in a way that did not call attention to David, ie many students where to be moved about. He asked his other teachers to make these changes next time they rearrainged seatting.

Its gotten a lot better since then.

BeeBee

My worst year of bullying was 8th grade, my one year in public school. Seems like those years seem to be the worst for bullying, at least based on what I've seen here. Those kids showed no mercy. With no support at home, it gets even harder.

the school my son is in now is much better....bullying is not tolerated ~ and issues are addressed as they come up...no one is made to feel bad for their misperceptions. I his new school ! My son is so happy now. it's like seeing a familiar face that i havent seen in a couple of years.........