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Aspie on a singles trip

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ACG
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01 Dec 2004, 7:27 pm

I've recently taken the advice of my therapist and signed up for a Jewish singles trip coming up. I've gone on trips with people my age before (I'm 33), and many of them go to party (which I almost always skip and go to bed early -- assuring myself my 8 hours and that I'm awake for the actual touring). Generally it's quite fatiguing (being around lots of people like that), but overall the trip is worthwhile if I have a place to recharge.

However, this is the first one which is actually marketed as a singles trip. To be perfectly honest with you, I'm in it more for seeing the sights than actually trying to meet someone. I'm not really expecting much on the social front.

I don't think ANYONE has ever actively tried to flirt with me or hit on me before (once a girl made a pass at me and I clammed up COMPLETELY, caught off guard -- this caught HER off guard and she left offended). MORE LIKELY: girls HAVE and it's gone completely over my head. This is a distinct possibilty if here since it's supposedly targeting singles. Of course, if I meet someone and the relationship is stable (BIG if -- it requires that I actually bond. I often use the chemical analogy of something trying to react with krypton or xenon or something like that -- it's possible but you need a VERY reactive element), that would be wonderful. The Red Sox are probably going to win the World Series before *that* happens (come to think of it...they did). Overall, I'm quite excited though.

How do I prepare for this? I've already done the obvious: pay the single-occupancy supplement (MANDATORY as far I'm concerned), retreat back to the hotel room/skip parties as necessary, go to the calmer activities to try to avoid the wild crowd, and so forth.

In general, I'm in the situation where I'm very lonely and looking for a significant other -- but if the significant other does something I'm not expecting (or goes too far too fast) all her affection "bounces off" and hurts her emotionally. The catch is that if we go slow enough to suit me you'd get a platonic relationship developing too slowly to suit her.

Thanks in advance,

ACG


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letsGoBlues
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01 Dec 2004, 9:48 pm

ACG wrote:
I've recently taken the advice of my therapist and signed up for a Jewish singles trip coming up. I've gone on trips with people my age before (I'm 33), and many of them go to party (which I almost always skip and go to bed early -- assuring myself my 8 hours and that I'm awake for the actual touring). Generally it's quite fatiguing (being around lots of people like that), but overall the trip is worthwhile if I have a place to recharge.

However, this is the first one which is actually marketed as a singles trip. To be perfectly honest with you, I'm in it more for seeing the sights than actually trying to meet someone. I'm not really expecting much on the social front.

I don't think ANYONE has ever actively tried to flirt with me or hit on me before (once a girl made a pass at me and I clammed up COMPLETELY, caught off guard -- this caught HER off guard and she left offended). MORE LIKELY: girls HAVE and it's gone completely over my head. This is a distinct possibilty if here since it's supposedly targeting singles. Of course, if I meet someone and the relationship is stable (BIG if -- it requires that I actually bond. I often use the chemical analogy of something trying to react with krypton or xenon or something like that -- it's possible but you need a VERY reactive element), that would be wonderful. The Red Sox are probably going to win the World Series before *that* happens (come to think of it...they did). Overall, I'm quite excited though.

How do I prepare for this? I've already done the obvious: pay the single-occupancy supplement (MANDATORY as far I'm concerned), retreat back to the hotel room/skip parties as necessary, go to the calmer activities to try to avoid the wild crowd, and so forth.

In general, I'm in the situation where I'm very lonely and looking for a significant other -- but if the significant other does something I'm not expecting (or goes too far too fast) all her affection "bounces off" and hurts her emotionally. The catch is that if we go slow enough to suit me you'd get a platonic relationship developing too slowly to suit her.

Thanks in advance,

ACG


In HS once I was sitting on a bench and a really good looking girl came up to me and sat and asked what my name was and told me hers. Of course I froze up and that was a turn off. :x :cry:


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newt
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02 Dec 2004, 12:34 pm

ACG wrote:
I don't think ANYONE has ever actively tried to flirt with me or hit on me before ... MORE LIKELY: girls HAVE and it's gone completely over my head.


I can relate to that. Also, there's been times when I think I've mistaken friendliness for flirting. I imagine that can be almost as bad as clamming up when someone actually is flirting with you.


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ASMAN
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02 Dec 2004, 3:43 pm

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Civet
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02 Dec 2004, 3:49 pm

I don't think that making fun of him is a good idea. We should encourage him to continue this, instead. Including him in the conversation may work out better :D .

Unfortunately, I have nothing to say on this topic.



duncvis
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02 Dec 2004, 4:12 pm

This has happened to me before, and is almost as frustrating as freezing. On one occasion, I had a long conversation with a girl I had had a crush on for years. I wondered why she seemed puzzled. Days later I found out from a friend that she had been making a move on me... :roll:

Body language eh? Does anyone have any links that might be useful describing the signs to look for etc? I know its not an exact science but I think for some of us some pointers would be helpful.

Civet, I agree. I don't think snide comments are helpful to anyone. :evil:

Dunc


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vetivert
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02 Dec 2004, 4:32 pm

body language? coming right up, mr duncvis sir...

http://members.aol.com/nonverbal2/diction1.htm

from:

Wiki(d)Morgvis



Epimonandas
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06 Dec 2004, 10:46 am

ACG wrote:
I've recently taken the advice of my therapist and signed up for a Jewish singles trip coming up. I've gone on trips with people my age before (I'm 33), and many of them go to party (which I almost always skip and go to bed early -- assuring myself my 8 hours and that I'm awake for the actual touring). Generally it's quite fatiguing (being around lots of people like that), but overall the trip is worthwhile if I have a place to recharge.

However, this is the first one which is actually marketed as a singles trip. To be perfectly honest with you, I'm in it more for seeing the sights than actually trying to meet someone. I'm not really expecting much on the social front.

I don't think ANYONE has ever actively tried to flirt with me or hit on me before (once a girl made a pass at me and I clammed up COMPLETELY, caught off guard -- this caught HER off guard and she left offended). MORE LIKELY: girls HAVE and it's gone completely over my head. This is a distinct possibilty if here since it's supposedly targeting singles. Of course, if I meet someone and the relationship is stable (BIG if -- it requires that I actually bond. I often use the chemical analogy of something trying to react with krypton or xenon or something like that -- it's possible but you need a VERY reactive element), that would be wonderful. The Red Sox are probably going to win the World Series before *that* happens (come to think of it...they did). Overall, I'm quite excited though.

How do I prepare for this? I've already done the obvious: pay the single-occupancy supplement (MANDATORY as far I'm concerned), retreat back to the hotel room/skip parties as necessary, go to the calmer activities to try to avoid the wild crowd, and so forth.

In general, I'm in the situation where I'm very lonely and looking for a significant other -- but if the significant other does something I'm not expecting (or goes too far too fast) all her affection "bounces off" and hurts her emotionally. The catch is that if we go slow enough to suit me you'd get a platonic relationship developing too slowly to suit her.

Thanks in advance,

ACG


I am not absolutely certain, I think those flirting miscues happened with me many times. I know there were a few where a friend or relative tapped on the shoulder and asked why I did not respond. I was dumbfounded each time. Even if I did correlate that this may have been an accurate observation, I never had any idea what to do. I think sometimes I even had brain lockup.



Epimonandas
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06 Dec 2004, 10:58 am

duncvis wrote:
This has happened to me before, and is almost as frustrating as freezing. On one occasion, I had a long conversation with a girl I had had a crush on for years. I wondered why she seemed puzzled. Days later I found out from a friend that she had been making a move on me... :roll:

Body language eh? Does anyone have any links that might be useful describing the signs to look for etc? I know its not an exact science but I think for some of us some pointers would be helpful.

Civet, I agree. I don't think snide comments are helpful to anyone. :evil:

Dunc


I don't know if knowing really helps. I have seen a couple shows and read articles that described these things, but I still have trouble processing this information and seeing these so called signals. Some of the ones I have come across in these things are:

Twirling hair
Fluttering eyes
Brushing hair over the ears
widening irises when talking to them
smile
a half kiss blow (the way the mouth juts forward then back)

These are a few of the ones I remember, but there is also a complicated system with regard to frequency. Even knowing some, I still don't get it, because these things can be just brushing the hair or even just being friendly. I think Maxim and FHM magazines have tips on this occassionally too. I would prefer some form of mild mind reading capability then I could be sure, if only the sensory perceptions were enhanced more, or even if you can read minds already and just don't know or which thoughts are those of another.



jonnyeol
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09 Jan 2005, 3:52 am

I've not been on a singles trip, but I've tried a singles night before, despite cynical comments from 'friends in relationships'. Anyway, I thought I'd give it a go, and actually it was a breath of fresh air. Confidence began creeping back in, I could talk and chat to anyone, safe in the knowledge that I wasn't intruding. And without that distraction, I could finally concentrate on looking for the 'signs' .

At one point, I thought I'd met the right person, but I wasn't able to see this thing through to completion on the night, and once we'd met a few more times, the magic had died. Mind you, they're running another one next week, so could be a good chance to try again.