angry and depressed

Post Reply New Topic

the sleep dust must've worked because i slept until 9:30. when i woke up mammy and isaiah were still asleep, and my two teenagers were outside cleaning the garage (imagine that!! !! benjamin wants to pull christian's car in there to work on it).

i feel so much better right now. maybe because i don't have any appointments all week long!! !! !! i'm ready to stay at home and vegitate for awhile. screw steve!! !! !

april

hurrah for you, and for twinkly dust!

i can do you a great deal for wholesale...

okay, i've been working on a list of conditions for steve. before i bail him out (not that i'm going to do that now), i'm going to read it over the phone to him and he must agree to go and get it signed and notarized. here's the list so far. let me know if anything needs changed or added.

1. The trailer is your home. At night you must sleep in the trailer, or you
may sleep in the living with Mammy. During the day you may visit with Mammy
and the kids, but you are NOT ALLOWED IN THE BEDROOM except as needed for
Mammy or on-line AA meetings.

2. No access to any vehicles.

3. No money or access to money (ie credit or debit cards or borrowing/stealing
from me, the children, Mammy, or other people).

4. No leaving the property alone or just with Isaiah.

5. If leaving the property with another person, that person must first be
approved by me.

6. Must participate in at least ONE on-line AA meeting a day. If you want to
go to a meeting outside of the house, you must be accompanied by a person
approved by me.

7. Must find a temporary sponsor in AA or another approved male (ie preacher,
good friend).

8. Must see therapist regularly.

9. No alcohol or drugs (including prescribed methadone).

10. No illegal activity.

11. No violent behavior.

12. If asked to leave the house and return to the trailer, you will do so
without arguing.

13. Must adhere to any new rules deemed necessary by me, therapists, or
sponsors.

14. If these conditions are not met, you must leave the property immediately.

april

should i add that i have the right to search the trailer if i believe there are drugs/alcohol?
april

Yes. Absolutely.

You're the boss. Sounds like you're starting a plan, which is great! As for the legal type questions of you list I can't say, but it looks good. Add the trailer search and anything you can possibly think of. He needs to know staying is a privilege, not a right. Keep it up you're doing awesomely.

thanks, i'll add that on there.

my friend was e-mailing me and asked what if i bail him out and he refuses to sign/notarize it (even though i'll tell him ahead of time he has too), so i said i would tell him ahead of time if he doesn't get it signed and notarized i'll leave him there in brownstown. so she e-mailed and asked if the jail has a notary and of course i didn't know. bless her heart, she asked what the number was and said she'd call and find out for me--she knows me well LOL!! !! !! i hate making phone calls!! !! !

april

Good job! Just a question though - is the methadone for pain or heroin detox? Either way, detoxing from methadone can be as difficult if not more so than heroin. Will he need to go through treatment for that?

((April)))

First I want to say I am sorry that you are having to go through all of this...
I have a couple of questions..does this pi that he just receved (that landed him in this time) will they clump all these charges together?

2. hmmm could you ask the bailiff to bring him the notice and if he refuses to sign it don't bail him out?

3. I wanted to say you are doing AWESOME standing firm. I personally know how hard it is to do that with an alcaholic, granted mine wasn't as bad but they are good at what they do.

I know you have probably heard this before, but keep your chin up, if he wants to change, he will <--- referring actually getting to the AA meetings....keep up the good work girl.! (((April)))

I will keep you all in my prayers.

the methadone is for pain. he has chronic back pain and basically all they can do is pain meds or a morphine pump. he has been slowly decreasing the amount of methadone he takes any way, and he's not had any while in the jail. he's going to have to find a different pain med. for awhile they had him on oxycontin/oxycodone, and boy that didn't work!! !! !! he was addicted right from the start. the methadone hasn't been near as bad, but he has said that it does keep the addiction cycle going. so at least he's detoxing a little in jail.

i talked to him on the phone earlier and read the list to him and he eagerly said okay to all of them. my friend called and there is no notary there, but i told him first place we go when i bail him out is to the bank so that it can be signed and notarized.

he was actually kind of excited when i told him about the meetings on line with the mic. i have the mic and downloaded the stuff. i haven't tried it yet, but hopefully there won't be any bugs (or they'll be minor and easy to fix).

right now the prosecutor is saying that they will drop one pi, then he'll get 90 days do 45. he won't go to court for awhile though. plus his probation officer may step in and make him go in patient. of course he's been trying to go inpatient for some time now. i haven't heard back from his therapist to see if she found anything out yet. (his therapist and probation officer are working together on that, plus they happen to be related)

i'm really tired tonight. struggling to function in the daily stuff, but i guess that's to be expected with all the s*** that's been going on.

april

GOOD NEWS!! !! !! ! steve's therapist called and it looks like he'll be able to get into richmond the next couple of weeks!! !! ! he has to be off of the methadone and have doc verification he is off. he's already been off of it since saturday. he also has to get a chest x-ray to check for tb (he can't have the stick test because he was the tb germ). once they get all that, maybe a week or so for a bed.

i'll have to bail him out pretty soon because i can't (and won't!! !) take care of this stuff for him. with the privacy laws i doubt his pain doc will send that verification, plus they may have to see him. plus he'll have to set up the chest x-ray.

the good thing about richmond is it's a state hospital and he can stay as long as they deem it necessary. plus he'll be in a ward for dual diagnosis where they will work on both addiction and his psych probs.

that's the good news--i'm happy about that, but i'm pissed too but for a whole different reason.

after i found this out i called the preacher that is supposed to visit him today because i wanted to let him know plus pass it on to steve. so of course he eventually gets to the "spiritual" side. i'm like, steve's a grown man, he knows what he needs to do. (to be honest, steve knows enough about the bible to be a preacher). to be honest, i think this guy doesn't like it that he'll be in the state hospital because of the church stuff--too f***ing d*** bad. surely they have some type of church there, and steve knows what he needs to do. let him get his head straight and then he'll be able to take care of that.

so then the guy goes on about me and the kids. i said i'm sending the kids but i can't go. one thing i have mammy, and another with the recent diagnosis of asperger's going to church and being around people doesn't do me a bit of good.

so we get into this heated debate about it and i wouldn't back down. i don't care if he's a preacher or not, he's f***ing stupid not only about autism, but about god as well. he kept talking about how you have to be in a local church, and i said back when the bible was written they didn't have churches, they were just a bunch of people that believed teh same way and met together. i said with my autism, i don't do well with people, so i get my fellowship on-line. that god understands my brain because he made me that way and he made the technology and there's nothing wrong in using it. so of course he mentions praying that god will help to get over it. screw that!! !! ! i've prayed all my life and god hasn't changed me--not because he cant' but because he doesn't want to and that's okay with me. he made me this way for some reason and i'm d*** proud of who i am. yeah i have asperger's but he has given me other gifts.

sorry, i'm not trying to get into religious preaching or offend anyone, just trying to relate what happened. please forgive me if i offend anyone's religious beliefs.

anyway, he realized he couldn't win that argument with me so he talked about the local church making tapes and sending them home with the kids. i don't want those tapes. i told him i've heard the preaching and i need more meat than they offer. besides, i have plenty of tapes here by j vernon mcgee and other solid preachers that give me more than that church could offer me in regards to spiritual meat.

his response to that was again, it had to be from a local church. what the h*** difference does it make where the f***ing tapes come from!! !! !! !! ! that's so f***ing stupid!! !! !! !!

i told him he was being legalistic. he couldn't see it.

stupidity!! !! !! !! !! !! ! it's no wonder i am so bitter against organized religion.

obviously, nothing got settled over the phone because i wasn't about to back down. he can visit steve in jail and hopefully i'll never have to talk to him again. it ain't worth it for me.

april

Dear April:

Short version:
You go, girl!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

Long version:
I can't tell you how wonderful it is to see you surviving and thriving through all this stress. I have an autistic friend who had to deal with an abusive (mostly verbal, some physical) boyfriend. She was scared of him, but also determined not to give in to his demands. She, with a little help from her friends, got him out of her life.

I'm glad to seeing you're finally getting some rest and some peace and quiet. I hope things work out for you.

About the preacher: I've learned--through my own experience and my ladyfriend's (she's a PK, or preacher's kid) that churches tend to be intensely political. Strange but true. What this preacher seems to be doing--in attempting to pressure you to attend church--is trying to bring you into his fold. The more parishoners, the more prestige. Quantity over quality.
There's a verse in the Bible (sorry, can't remember the exact citation) that you probably know. It basically says "Do not go into the church, that you may be seen of (by) men; instead, pray to your Father, who is in secret, and He will reward thee openly." In other words, like you said: you don't need to go to church to be religious or talk to Jesus. You might bring that up to him if he pressures you anymore.

And your recounting of early Christianity jibes with my own reading. That's the thesis of one my favorite novels: Godbody by Theodore Sturgeon. Meetings were small, and rather like Quaker meetings: Members kissed each other as a greeting; there was a group meal, and then, the people gathered sat in meditative silence, waiting for one of their group to speak with the voice of God. The Greek word for it is "theolepsy," which means "seized by God." It is not speaking in tongues: it is a message of love in clear language, English or otherwise.

Once again, congratulations to you! All our prayers and thoughts (and magic sleep dust) are with you!

thanks,
i'm doing okay. i had to go ahead and bail steve out because the things that were needed to be done to get him in richmond had to have him to do it, and immediately i made sure he jumped on it and did it. the first thing was signing and notarizing the paper of rules, then we finally got the truck.

he got the chest x-ray done yesterday, so should get the results hopefully today. the pain doc called him back today and is sending something in the mail. once we have those two things, we give them to his therapist who passes them on to the liason for richmond.

it would be nice if sometime next week he could get in.

april

all the paperwork was sent in today for steve to go to richmond. the biggest thing was for him to get off of the methadone, which he's been off now for a week. he was given a prescription for a muscle relaxer to help with the withdrawals, but other than his anti-depressant and sleep medicine (he has a sleep disorder), he's off of all meds.

so far he's been doing okay at home, but i will be glad when he gets to richmond. he wants to go too. so now it's just a waiting game.
april

Oh, where to start about churches and Aspies! Last Sunday as I was walking in the greeter at the door not only grabbed my hand to shake it (my fault, I didn't get it in my pocket soon enough ), he then grabs me by the shoulder and hugs me! Excuse me! Do I know you?! I'm resisting the urge to not go to church because I'm thinking of starting to advocate for Aspies at our church to make it more Aspie friendly. Like you said, God made me this way. I have to assume it was for a reason.

And by the way, Go Vernon Mcgee! I love him! He had such a unique way of cutting through the crap and laying out the truth.

unfortunately i pretty much have decided against going to church. right now with mammy i can't, but i'm so fed up with all the bull you have to put up with. not to mention i'm so stressed being around people and not having any clue what to say or do. it's just not worth it. i'm ready to get my fellowship in different venues.

i like j vernon mcgee too. steve got me hooked on it. he used to listen to him on his lunch break for years. actually one of the guys he worked with is now preaching and he says that steve's witness of always going out to the car on lunch break to listen to j vernon mcgee had a huge impact on him.

anyway, we've got the complete set on cassette, plus i have them in book form, plus i have a cd-rom of it.

april