On Relationships

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For me, it's hard enough to start a relationship; but keeping it going is even tougher. Some of the more mature women are willing to overlook some of the blatant aspects of Asperger's syndrome in me (a tendency towards flat affect, monotonous voice, and poor eye contact), and those who do sometimes seem quite impressed after first meeting me. However, I find keeping a good rapport going with people of both sexes can be difficult. I'm not a master conversationalist and can have some difficulty figuring out what to say. Sometimes I try a joke, but my ironic sense of humor usually falls on deaf ears. Let's not forget that sometimes I unintentionally say something rude (often when trying to be polite!) and anger the other person.

I have found my way of participating in conversations tends to frustrate those around me. I no longer go into long monologues about my specific interests; but I do tend to take an inordinate amount of time to get to the point. I also find it challenging to relate to what most other people say because there are so many basic things I've never experienced! Unless you count whatever I had with that psychopathic woman, I've never had a girlfriend in my entire twenty years of existing. I've had few friends, and I could probably count them using just my fingers and maybe toes too, if I'm lucky. I rarely ever get out; and, when I do, I usually have to go alone, which isn't very fun.

My interests tend to be obscure, and they change after some time. Where has my zeal for linguistics gone? It was replaced by psychology. One less way to relate to people.

I believe the phrase is "welcome to the club."

I think my ideal would have been the "girl next door" who went to school with me, cared about me no matter how silly I was, and really treated me like a friend.

I think she moved away in 5th grade

Becuase part of the package included being legally blind, I was never into the looks part of relationships in school, anyway, but what I had with her was what I though thought could grow into love - the kind my grandparents had. I didn't understand what it was, but we were just so good together. She was also legally blind, but I never thought of her that way and only recently did I "learn" it (or remember it when told.)

She had bad things happen to her because of her situation, though, and it's best that she did move on; I pray for her a lot, though. However, I have had a few guys friends who I feel are very good friends, and still have those, but I haven't met a girl I felt I could really get to know. That's what I knew it was all about - a lifelong friendship. Int hat, I was way more mature than most kids my age.

I tried dating at one point around age 25, a girl I knew from a local college, we had the typical "3 months and a cloud of dust" (from the Ohio Stte coach's famous "three yards and a cloud of dust" football strategy). You know, a brief peak where you say I love you after a while, it's at its hight at 3 months or so, then it slowly comes to earth and you don't see each other after 6-7. This is common among all, though, not just Aspies.

Then I had another lady friend - we went on church visitation together and such. But she, too, was too interested in her career, and I could accept God had other plans.

So, Just being friends and trying to see if it can work didn't work, dating someone you just ask out didn't work with me, I think that "lifelong friend" type thing can work if the person is really understanding of one's eccentricities, but how many of us are young enough to be in school yet, let alone find a partner to go out with a few times and let it blossom.