gay and aspie

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I am starting to come to terms with the fact that I am a gay aspie and I was wondering if being both makes it a little easier or double as hard in peoples opinion. Like am i up against alot more for being both or will it make it easier to have a relationship because of it?

Hi Josh,

I had serious problems coming to terms with being gay. It finally hit home around age 20, when I fell in love with a friend (who wasn't gay). I blamed never being able to find someone on being gay and not flamboyant one. I've always just acted like myself. No stereotypical gay behavior or mannerisms.

I didn't find out that I had Aspergers until recently. heck, I didn't even know about Aspergers until recently. Now I'm starting to think that the reason I had such problems finding someone was probably more related to my aloofness, witch probably has more to do with Aspergers than my sexuality. It just seems like other gay people I know and have met, haven't had the same kind of issues I have finding someone.

I hope that makes some sense.

Josh

Oh... and to answer your question... I think it makes it harder.

You are less likely to approach someone, more likely to take a negative reaction worse than normal, and have impaired abilities to read others. And you have a smaller group to pick from to approach. At least that's how I see things.

If you ever need to vent, feel free to message me. I can probably relate.

Sorry to say it mate, but that is going to make it pretty damn hard. Gay people already have it harder than straight people just because they are in the minority. A straight person meets a hell of a lot more straight people of the opposite sex than a gay person meets gay people of the same sex each day. So you have a much smaller sea to fish in, so to speak.

Then you add poor social skills to that and it's really not looking good.

So it's going to be hard work, but far from impossible. Put your mind to it and you will get whatever you want*. Probably you will appreciate your partner and enjoy the relationship all the more for the fact that it wasn't easy.



*Disclaimer: This does not include being able to fly like Superman or any other obviously stupid stuff like that.

I think it makes it easier for myself. Guys seem to like the fact that I am a bit quiet and off beat. It may depend on what kind of friends you have though, or what kind of guy you are looking for. I like a lot of moody Gothic guys, who don't seem to notice my Autism that much. What they do notice about it they find it unique and original.

I supposed if you are the kind of guy who wants to date the more preppier type of NT guy, you might have more trouble. As I have noticed that many but not all preppier guys seem to have a firmer idea as in what they expect of human behaviors.

I am starting to come to terms with the fact that I am a gay aspie and I was wondering if being both makes it a little easier or double as hard in peoples opinion. Like am i up against alot more for being both or will it make it easier to have a relationship because of it?

Actually...I wouldn't necessarily say it's harder. Hang, let me just throw out the ideas of "hard" and "easy". Being gay, for me, has always been wrapped up in a load of paranoia and hesitation. But when somebody walks into GSA or the local gay bar, everyone has that to some extent. the world is a f****d up place for gays.

However, I don't really know how to say this. It's that I've found, in the gay community, it's more acceptable to be awkward. To be, as I am, a little bit...off. Also, the gays I hang out with are more into questioning social norms, so I fit in better with them. The expectations are different. Looser, broader.

Is there a such thing as an easy relationship? I don't think so. But I will stand up and say that you can make it work. I've been with the same woman for a year and a half, and she gets me in a way I didn't think was possible.

Hi Zasha,

You're lucky to be able to visit a gay bar. I just can't visit a bar, either gay or straight, feel totally lost in this kind of places. So for me it's a quite difficult combination because - as someone mentioned earlier - you don't meet gay people that easily in everyday life.

Marco

It doesn't effect me much, I've never been in denial or had to come to terms with it, I just thought 'I am who I am', I dont really see why you would waste time fighting t when it wont just go away unless you or your paretns are strictly religious which would obviously cause problems, I dont like being gay right now because the majity can be bitchy, stereotypical or slaggy... I want to find the right boy for me but I doubt it seeing as people can be so naive to what being AS really means, I had a experience with two guys and it basically let me know that it was gay people that a the most judgemental, but I just gotta live with it and stop denying something that is natural, 'cus as I always say... 'Everything in this world is natural, if it wasnt then it wouldnt be here, the world is pure nature so being gay is just as natral as a flower in a field.'

As a gay woman, I came to terms with being gay and aspie at the same time. I wouldn't say it makes things harder, just more interesting. But then I've always fallen in with the right crowd (don't ask me how I managed that one).

When I say "came to terms" I mean "have it become obivious that that is who I am" as along the same lines as Anonymous, I never felt that being aspie or gay/lesbian is wrong, just a difference of the norm. I also felt that if it was deeper then something on the surface, then I should not fight it. So I have always essentially felt "I am who my inner being feels I should be".