Adoption- we might need a little help!

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Now, I am not a parent and I don't have asperger's but I don't see any more appropriate forum. I am engaged to a fabulous fellow who happens to have Asperger's- I quite like him, as you might surmise- but we are thinking of adopting children rather than the DIY method most people seem to think is the only way. No fertility issues(to my knowledge), there's just lots of underloved kids in the world, so on, so forth. In any case, I don't know how Fiance and Home Study will combine. I'm pretty sure he'll make a good dad(maybe disciplining the kids would be an issue) but I am also pretty sure that having a home study done would be massively stressful for him. I know they're not looking for perfect families, but to others my sweetie seems awfully cold, selfish, incapable of empathy, etc and he's had issues with social services before as a kid. I'm fairly certain he'll not appreciate the (to him) invasive questioning and hurdles he'll have to jump over... he really does not care for being judged on things he's not good at. Fancy. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Hmm, this is a tricky question. If I were in your future husband's position, I think it would help me to be reminded that the questioning is only temporary and the reward (the baby) outweighs the stress which comes from the whole ordeal.

But I think he already knows this. If I were you, I would decide whether or not to tell the adoption agency about your husband's condition. I don't see how thats any of their business but it could help them understand your future husband better. However, they might react negatively to that information.

By the way, I'd like to congratulate you and your fiance on getting engaged.

Also, what types of things will be the most stressful for your fiance?

I would tell them if they seemed to have a grasp of Asperger's... but what are the chances, neh? Even my family thinks he's cold and hard-hearted. Fortunately I'm not the only person who knows how generous and what a pushover he can be.

Things that stress him out: criticism, being forced into things/feeling manipulated, having people ask him emotional questions(he's quantative, not qualitative!), not feeling in control.

I'm sure that having a home study would involve him feeling like he has to prove himself in an arena where he can't even see the hurdles he has to jump over. That would be less than ideal. He likes knowing what's going on, what's what... uncertainty or being one-down is not okay!

Have you tried searching adoption forums in your country of origin? You might be able to put your fiance in contact with other people who have been through the same process and can tell him exactly what to expect.