Confused and need to make choices about education

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I have no idea what I should be doing in regards to DS education. He's 7 and in grade 2. Right now he only attends school in the morning because his anxiety is so high he can't handle a full day and they only have EA support for him in the morning. We're in the middle of our assessment for AS and should have it completed by June. The only way he even got an EA in the first place was because I wrote a letter to the superintendent.

There is another child in his class who has the same issues as him and his family is pulling him next month and moving to another district with reverse integration and a really good AS class. Their autistic team sounds great. They're pulling him because the school isn't giving him the support he needs.

Here's my dilemma...I don't know what I should be pushing for to help my son. I'm finding out (through personal experience and from what I heard the other parents of special needs kids say) that my son's school is headache. That nothing gets done unless you make a huge stink and you constantly have to keep at it.

DS teacher has never had an autistic child in her class and she can be clueless at times. She tries to use threats to get him to obey (if you don't do your work here, I'll send it home and you will have NO time to play for the rest of the day ebcause you'll be too busy doing all of this work....DS takes her literally and even though he finishes the work at him in 30 mins it takes me 5 hours to calm him down because he's so stressed out). She says he's verbally abusive to her in class, but she doesn't see that he's reacting to her yelling at all the other kids (I can hear her down the hall) etc. Things like that.

What I'm seeing right now is DS's anxiety which is through the roof. When he's comfortable, he flys through his work. He spent the better part of the last 3 mos hiding under his desk until he got EA support.

I don't know whether I should be looking to get him placed in another school that has an AS community class, whether I stay here and push for full time EA support in a regular class? How do know what decisions I should make? The way it is right now is definitely not working. DS was in a private school before he went to this public school but private couldn't handle his issues. So I hate having to move him to yet another school unless I know it's going to work.

Homeschooling isn't an option. We did that for 19 weeks last year and he just wasn't happy. Any thoughts?

Could you try and work on both and then you would be able to choose which one offers the best placement. Unless you are absolutely sure you can move him to another school with a better program continue to push for whatever services you can get from the current school. However, generally if you know your school is deliberately difficult and other parents in the district confirm this also than it might be prudent to look for alternatives.

Sorry, I don't know what to suggest. My thought was homeschooling. I've been homeschooling my kids for the last 12 years.
They're now
23yo (aspie/lawschool)
20yo (working FT)
15yo (9th)
12yo (aspie/8th)
& 8yo (dyslexic/3rd).
Why wasn't your son happy with homeschooling? Perhaps if you chose a different curriculum?

By law U.S.A schools must accomodate your son as if he was in a wheel chair...ie..they'd have to build a ramp to make all classes accesable to him, they also must make education accesseable to all children regardless of their mental,neurological,emotional or developmental challenges.He has a diagnoses, then the America's with Disablilities Act says they can't deny him access to an education. If he needs to be transported to another school or district, then the school must provide it free of cost. In California we have a Special Education Rights and Responsibility handbook we get from Sacramento. Most schools don't want parents to have that book. Once a parent is armed with it and have some gumption then the district and schools know they must comply or parents have grounds for a law suit. You are in an uphill battle when it comes to your son's education, they cannot deny him a full days worth of school. If they say you come get him or we suspend him, then make sure they do just that,....and get in in writing, the disrict will want to know why he keeps getting susended. 10 days suspension they have to come up with alteranatives to insure his success in school. In California it's called a B.I.P Behavior Intervention Program. And thats a Godsend, as children,school, and parents come up with the plan together. If it dosn't work...then yeah, a different school may be just what works best. DONOT BACK DOWN. Good luck to you.

fighting the good fight can be absolutely exhausting. i fought our local school system for a year..i won, but it has aged me considerably. i fought because, like you, i felt that my son wouldn't get what he needed unless i did. even though i fought to get my son the services he needed, the school was ineffectual at actually following through with the accomodations~most of the teachers felt that he was just a spoiled brat.
i finally ended up fighting to get him placed out of district. this year that he's been placed in a school which actually supports him has been WONDERFUL ! his anxiety level has decreased considerably~so much so that we wondered whether or not the school had replaced him with a pod person
it's a tough decision to make. best of luck with whatever you decide.

No More ~ He just prefers to be in school. I'm very knowledgable in homeschooling because my mother homeschooled my sister who is now 21 and an honours student in Uni doing a double major in biology and the classics. So I have tons of info at my fingertips and am very open to doing it but he just really was not happy. I wasn't worried about socialization because we joined the local HS chapter and they always had lots of on the go, it just wasn't for him.

Paula - I'm not in the US (I'm in Canada) although I'm sure the rules are generally the same. There is no EA support for DS to attend full days and there is absolutely no way for him to get through any part of the day without one. We don't have a firm dx yet either (we're in the process). They were not going to give any EA support without it until I raised a stink because regardless if he has the dx yet or not, he can NOT function without additional support, so eventually they relented and pulled an extra EA from the Autistic class. His only firm dx at this point is SID with severe deficiencies in 5 out of his 7 senses. But we've had three professionals all point to AS and tell me that's where it's headed so let's get it on paper type thing. Regardless of what happens, I'll continue to fight. I already made sure that he's on the list for EA support next year without having to wait for the dx first and the super agreed.

ster - That's exactly what other schools were telling me for the last year and a half "If he wasn't so spoiled you wouldn't have these problems. You need to ignore him more to make sure he knows the the world doesn't revolve around him." Yeah, gotta love that teacher. It gives me hope to know that when the right people/services are in place, that the kids can be successful and can start enjoying their days. I hate seeing my son so stressed out. The other AS kid in his class was in the hospital for anxiety and that's just not right. I hate being on pins and needles every morning wondering if I'm going to get a call or not. At least his EA is amazing!! She really knows her stuff.

I'm beginning to notice that if you have an NT child, this school is the best in the district but if you have a special needs child, it's one of the worst.

So true! We had enrolled my son in a school of choice because it was supposed to be so wonderful. I had talked to other people who just bragged about the school - except their kids weren't in special education. The school was determined to be difficult and wanted my son moved to an EI (emotionally impaired) segregated classroom - out of their district of course.

Best of luck to you - I hope your son gets what he needs as soon as possible. It's good to know that you are there to make sure he does.

I am in England and I can tell you that it's vey similiar here. When you get the diagnosis it's like fumbling around in the dark trying to find out what your child needs and how to go about getting it. It's a big fight.

I just don't understand why it has to be this way but there you are.

it is amazing to not get phone calls from the Dean of Students every day

WOOOHOOOO!! !! Guess what I just found out! The principal at DS school is retiring this year!! ! She's two faced and very condescending. So here's hoping someone better comes along for September. I got an earful from a mum today (the one who's son is just like my little guy) and my eyes are wide open now. She's been there for years, and we've only been there since november so it was great to get a true perspective on what it's like to be at this school. Hmmm...she's given me lots to think about.

I wouldn't want *any* of my kids in a classroom with a teacher who yelled like that, diagnosis or not. It's uncalled for and unprofessional, and simply shows the teacher's incompetence.

Is there anyone you can go to with regards to the teacher's behavior in general?

I say dont worry about the war with your school district until you need to. I heard all the same things about my sons school and I was terrified. After I got the completed diagnoses, I started with the principal who set up a meeting with the Autism specialist for the district. My son did not qualify for an IEP, but he got a 504 plan, which addressed all my concerns. So far its been painless. And Im not saying I wont hit any bumps in the road, just dont ask for them..... deal with what you can for now.