Any Aspie grandparents helping raise grandchildren?

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I was wondering if anybody else is raising or helping raise their grandchildren, that would want to compare notes. Like how do you balance having to work and also be there for the little ones, and also how do you be a supportive parent to your adult child and still make sure the grandchildren get their needs met. Anyone else dealing with this?

just raising my own kids now...

My parents do that.

Generally, my mum reads all of the books and goes to all of the meetings with me etc. and my dad takes my son out for long walks or they hang out together or do jobs or fun things.

It was a bit hard to start with because my son tried and succeeded in using his physicality to dominate everyone on his visits and now he does not do that any more and he just hangs out there happily with routines and boundaries established. It's his favourite place to be. He needs his grandad so much and would live with him if he could. But he doesn't ask to because he feels sorry for me and knows that I like to have him around. He learns so much from his times here. They have so much to teach and he has so much to learn.

On the weekend, he's often busting to stay the night there and then spend Saturday pottering around with them. He will go to a cafe with them and sit down so calmly, which he would not do if his 3 year old brother were around.

The early years were very hard for us all but now life is much better. Sometimes my mum doesn't sleep worrying about something that is coming up but I wish that she would not worry because everything passes in the end!!

I do know that my son would be heartbroken not to have them. It's like a love affair between them and him. He's so lucky to have them in his life.

Thanks for the responses. I have wondered because my grown daughter still seems to need a little mothering, as she has had an awful time of it with her children's two fathers, but when she's overwhelmed I try to mother her little ones. It kind of feels like having three kids to raise, but I don't want my daughter to feel that I think she's incapable, or the little one's not to understand she's doing her best right now. Also I'm trying to financially support the whole family, so I'm feeling a little overwhelmed myself. The kids are just so important to me that I want to do what's best for them.

I really respect you for doing what you should do for you family.

But please, let me set you straight.

1. Your daughter does not need mothering. She, like everybody else, including yourself, needs to be able to let off steam and see her friends and laugh and live like everybody else does, within reason. But she probably can't. As a single mum with an Apsie son and another child, for about a hundred reasons, she is isolated and alienated from her friends. There's no free time and nowhere to express herself. She can't work. She is reliant on you financially it seems. I think it takes a pretty tough woman to be able to live a life like that. I would not call that a fun way to be. She is doing her best. I am sure this life is not the one she had planned for herself and that's no tragedy, but I wish that her nearest and dearest could see that this will place a strain on her and she might need to be able to talk about it sometimes. But this does not mean that she needs to be mothered, any more than a giraffe needs to be mothered because it is too tall to limbo dance.
2. If you help with the children, your daughter will not think that she is incapable of looking after them unless you say so. It is essential, for her sake, that her family should help with the care of the children because her children can be far more demanding of stimulation etc. than other people's children.

I know that this is tiring and draining for you and I respect you for holding the fort. But your daughter does not have a choice and at least you can go home at night and get a night's sleep, take time to meet with your friends, enjoy the fulfillment and stimulation of being able to go to work and, dare I say it, take a holiday when you want to.

I hope one day, she too will have the opportunity to do these too. In the mean-time, consider this as a challenge (making sure the kids are brought up happy and healthy) and yourselves as the A-Team. Above all, treat your daughter like your equal, for that is what she is, a mother.

Thank you for the perspective. Maybe "mothering" isn't exactly what my daughter needs right now, and yes, we try to make sure she gets out frequently so she can have a break. It has been hard for her to adjust to being a single mom of two kids (both girls, by the way, and the oldest is possibly an Aspie like me) All I've been able to do for her is help financially and with the little ones. I also try to be there to listen, though I wish I had all the answers for her. She gets to feeling negative and discouraged, and we see a therapist together to try to find ways to make her life better. Her doctor put her on some antidepressants that didn't seem to help. Her therapists have asked her to consider dialectic behavior therapy, and she is considering it. When you're trying to help a loved one, sometimes you wonder, "Am I doing enough, too much, or the wrong thing?"

Best of luck!

Thank you .