Borderline Personality Disorder

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I'm undiagnosed AS, though im pretty sure im on the milder side, very mild in fact that i probably wouldnt qualify as having AS. Its like I can blend in somewhat but cannot interact with people well, like there is some kind of wall in between us. I cant read their intentions and often get manipulated or made fun of subtly right to my face because I cant read the situation. Also I get overwhelmed in crowds and just blank out like a zombie...i have had lifelong obessesion phases where i intensely focus all my attention into, but they change from time to time while I keep some of these obessesions to a lesser degree after it passes. ive been called 'retarted' and stupid a lot my life even though im pretty intelligent- i went to a good private high school and university for two years, though im taking a break now....idk if its AS but i definately feel at home here because I can relate to a lot of things being discussed on this site.

Anywa, my therapist thinks im a higher functioning aspie who developed borderline personality disorder because I blend in (no stimming in public, intelligent) but had a very hard time relating to other ppl and making friends while being ridiculed throughout my life. My self esteem was shot early on and many people leave me once they spend time with me and see there is something "off" about me. Many people are made uncomfortable around me, probably because of my silence or my piercing gaze...or maybe its because my face is usually blank...together it gives me that 'quiet Asian guy" vibe and look which doesnt help because of that Virginia Tech psycho...agh.

Anyway that emptiness is killing me slowly, im already depressed and on meds for it. The meds stifled the depression but now i feel just empty and zombie like (feeling nothing, cant cry, have a hard time expressing myself, smiling) like from the BPD...or maybe it is the BPD or even both together. That emptiness and feeling like nothing matters just makes me want to die- i wont do it but I really want to because its so painful. Its like having a low grade torture go on for weeks and weeks, nothing too painful but its always there and I feel nothing.

does anybody go through this? if so please...i need some advice

I was told I had BPD, but I have never been 100% confident with that. After new year, I am going to take a test again because my psychologist doesn't think I have it any more. Unfortunately drugs can cause side-effects such as making you appear zombie-like or slower than usual. I've been on Citalopram (celexa/Cipramil) for 6 years. I have developed a tremor in both arms, my movements are sharp and uncontrolled and I feel dizzy or off balance A LOT.

I'm afraid I can't comment as to whether or not you have BPD. I don't know you therefore any guess would be uneducated. If you do though, drugs won't help, you need psychotherapy. That's what I was given but apparently my recovery was 'too fast' for a BPD sufferer, therefore it is unlikely I had it in the first place... I hope you get the help you need

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I have HFA, ADHD, OCD & Tourette syndrome. I love animals, especially my bunnies and hamster. I skate in a roller derby team (but I'll try not to bite )

I went through a on and off 2 month period where i felt fine at some points but now I feel empty again...and it hurts so bad to feel empty I cant even describe it

Isn't BPD like Bi Polar?

BPD can look like Bipolar and vice versa except BPD mood swings are triggered by something rather than chemical changes in the brain which is how I think Bipolar works.

He's right, usually BPDs mood swings are triggered by something physical not chemical, and they only last maybe a couple hours. I'm not a doctor, but I'm like 90% sure my ex griflriend had BPD while we were dating. She exhibited all but maybe 2 of the symptoms of BPD listed:

Borderline Personality Disorder ... tough to be you. I may not like the manipulative actions of people with BPD but I still feel for them.

Anyway, if it's BPD (and not NPD or something) there's still hope for you. If you haven't done so, seek a qualified specialist to help you out with the disorder (not just your depression resulting from it). Therapists are not always enough (unless they're specialized in the field of Cluster B Personality Disorders).

I dont have manipulative actions!

and its the biggest myth of borderline. Granted some can do this behaviour, the same as the rest of the population in this country but its not manipulation in the correct sense, its done as a by-product to the emotional state, it is not planned or any thought process put into it, its non PD's who think its planned manipulation and thats from lack of understanding the condition correctly.

As for talking about Clusters, most PD's have ALL clusters of PD and dont just stay in one. You have mentioned NPD, yes a cluster B type. I have NO traids of it. I fit into A, B & C clusters, Paranoid, Borderline and avoidant (also OCD)

When in an emotional state, I am alone. My behaviours are done in hiding. Family and friends are kept out. I deal with it alone and cant call for help. Its my world, not anyone elses. Most only see anger because I am unable to show the correct emotion and cry (wish I could). Apart from my children and husband I havent seen anyone, I havent been out of the house for 11 days now. Ive spoken to one person on the phone but my connection to the outside world is limited. And thats the way I want it.

I'm sorry if I offended you. I'm trying to point you to the best direction to take.

Please consider what I said about seeking a specialist who can help you with your problems. Generic therapists aren't always effective.

oh you didnt offend me. Most of us never understand anothers condition until we live it. Thats just life. No worries.

Living in England we dont really get a choice of good therapy, we get given what were given. As a borderline I have been turned down for many therapies because Im classed as severe. (I dont think I am)

so to date I have had nothing. waiting on another assessment now.

What antidepressant are you on?

I found wellbutrin aka bupropion to work pretty well...am about to go back on it today actually....it works a lot different then all the other antidepressants.

I am also not sure if i have aspergers or not..

Do you do any drugs? I find that if I do any drugs it can make symptoms a lot worse...

I have slight schitzotypal personality disorder, which is made worse by drugs..

and probably this as well..

Hi,

Im on Duloxetine for depression. Its the 4th Ive tried in 18 months and seems better then the rest.

Also Valproate which they gave me for Bi-Polar, Im on a high dose of that (?)

I use to smoke weed if I went paranoid. It would stop the thoughts and make me slow up, I used it once or twice a month. Havent done it for nearly a year and dont intend to go back to it.

They give me Benzo's as well, diazepam/Temazepam