I may have already posted about this but its still going on

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As much as I try to ignore it sometimes things look a bit weird......like things might look like they are slightly moving. I mean now I have gotten to the point where it just entertains me. I feel like my sanity is dissapearing slowly but I don't really care. The only feeling I have towards this is curiousity. My next goal is to quit caring about what people think, I waste so much time on that.......and its crap. So I am working on just not caring.....but I cant just focus on not caring about what people think. I mean I literally do not care if I live or die. I just want to live life on my own terms........If I die of an overdose that is my fate if I get hit by a car that is my fate. I just feel like I am slowly becoming numb to everything. and the bad part is I am accepting it and I feel its what I want so Im not trying to resist it. The trouble is my true self kinda sucks, and if I let it take control then my life will go downhill. But then most of me does not care....I mean what am I going to do about it. I can't get a job, I am ok at college but without the skills to get a job I don't see what good that will do me. Sometimes I just want to permanantly escape. I mean I hate my life. I hate myself and I can't get along with most people....Its getting to the point where I don't even care if my whole family finds out I smoke weed, drink alcohol and have done lots of other drugs. They might abandon me but if they do I doubt it will cause me to want to change my lifestyle. I don't even know why I am posting this.....I guess I am just kind of wondering if there is any sort of disorder that might explain the feeling that I have two sides to me. I mean part of me cares about what people thinks and tries not to piss anyone off. ...but then part of me just wants to say 'f*ck everyone, don't worry about them!

Sweetleaf, I think you are depressed. Is there a place for you to get tested for depression and possibly get medicated for it to help lift you out of what you're going through?

I hope things improve for you.

Looking back I've wondered if I've experienced milder forms of psychotic episodes. I've looked at things that are off the center of my visual field and out of focus and thought "Did that thing just jiggle a little?" but I know that it couldn't have. I've had paranoid thoughts about kids running in the street while I'm driving and not wanting to run them over. Of course, they were crossing the street after I've gone through and now I realize that it was totally illogical for me to find it so upsetting. During undergrad I blanked out and literally forgot to do some important work for one of my professors. Then there was the "shut-in" phase about the time I graduated with my Ph.D. and bleached my hair. Now I'm sort of a recluse but I take good care of myself.

Transitions were always rough for me. You too perhaps? Trust that there are others who have experienced some similar things. Does that help at all?

Yes, you have posted this before, there was a whole thread.
The short answer is as it was before. You have clinical depression, you need to see a doctor and get some medication, and when your brain is working better than maybe some therapy. I suggest very soon, you don't want to get worse. I know you said the prozac you took didn't work, try a different anti-depressant. As I said before medication doesn't fix everything, but it makes your brain work better, so you can work through your problems.
So, again, please go see a doctor and try a different anti-depressant.

Hard to say, anxiety and depression go hand-in-hand sometimes and both are treated with antidepresents. I have never had PTSD, but I do know one of the main symptoms are panic attack and severe anxiety. Once you get on medication it might help with all of this. At that point you might want to get some counseling. Yes, I know you said you had counseling before but it might work better after your meds so you can discuss your PTSD issues.

Is the counselor you currently have helpful with your PTSD problems?
Pysch problems are often not simple, but hang in there.

Sweetleaf,
You know thc/cannabis is a hallucinogen?
Also, on an atomic scale, everything is constantly moving?
Do you have an active imagination? I see things move too, usually in directions that are natural to the object.
You might have some other disorder that would explain the symptoms, but who cares what it's called because you already know the symptoms... I think you're right to not care what people think of you. It's important to not let others dictate your convictions. You really only need one or two friends to get on in the world... and it's not so bad if you do things that make you happy. I would make sure to stretch and drink plenty of water every day. Get some good 'ol vitamin D via sunshine. I think you might feel pressure about your future because you don't want to let anyone down. Believe in yourself and take baby steps. Cut large tasks into small ones. If you want to be skilled, then practice... if you're too lazy to practice, then put down the bong once a week and practice, reward yourself with a hit. If you have anxiety or ptsd, then there are somethings that you need to get right within yourself. You may need to face a part of your past... or just bury it and move on. 'Count your losses and regroup' ...Messed up things happen to people, and they change us. Sometimes we miss the people we were before. It's a good thing you're curious, because that can really keep a person going. What's going to happen when your stars align!? Love yourself... the universe conspires in your favor. *puff puff