What the hell is wrong with me

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I'm really not sure why my psychiatrist does not see this but I am certain I have some form of bipolar disorder and if it continues untreated I can't see a future for myself.

This is about the third time I've been in an extended truly manic state and it's ridiculous. (Other times I'm thinking of were 2004 and 2008, though I'm sure there were others). My equivalent of spending a lot of money, since I have no income, is to sell all manner of things that I own in order to make money to spend.

It's not just with money, it's with everything.

I am tired of living each day like the world is ending tomorrow. I don't like living in such anxiety and all-or-nothingness. I feel completely crazy. I drove past an empty store today and went home and looked up how much it was leasing for cause I actually thought I had a chance of buying it and making it into a cupcake store. That's all I thought about for 2-3 hours straight. I have a total of $300.

Antipsychotics don't work for me. They were prescribed for general anxiety and they make me more anxious and suicidal.

Not sure what the point of this self-centered post is but I guess I wondered what medicines, if any, worked for other people or if anybody has had similar experiences? Thanks for reading.

Hi! I am not a psychiatrist, but it seems reasonable to me that you are seek a second opinion (get a new psychiatrist) if you are having manic episodes and your current psychiatrist is not helping you through it.
Sorry you are having a rough time.

Ah thanks. Yes I just don't know how to go about that I guess, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or whatever.

Bad reason for not getting a second opinion but yeah.

Thank you very much for your supportive words.

I don't know if this will help. When Anxiety starts getting the better of me and I start to feel manic I try to focus my energy into some sort of project. I think of it as giving my brain something to chew on so it wont eat me. I think my AS actually helps with this because I can focus on it with a single minded devotion.
I know it sounds like stock advice but I have also found that exersize helps me tremedously. The physical exaustion helps me sleep too.
These things have helped me. I hope you feel better.

I've been having bipolar symptoms lately too. Luckily right now I'm in a manic phase.

There are many medications out there you and your doctor should look into. I've been prescribed Zyprexa and it seems to be helping me, but I dunno. You're supposed to take it every day, but I didn't take any last night and I still feel OK from yesterday,

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FJP - thank you so much for your advice and concern. Yes, exercise does help, and I try to focus on projects but when something doesn't work about them I then want to kill myself! But yes, I throw all my energy into projects too. I'll keep in mind about exercise - thank you for the reminder. It's very easy to forget that that's a major factor.

Daryl - I actually just was put on Zyprexa for a bit and it made me suicidal. Just me though. Anyway (didn't want to be too negative here!) good to hear from another person with the same issues!