What helped me (and could help others, if I'm an Aspie)

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Just posting this once in case some of you don't venture tot he other boards. I'm BigSnoopy126 (obviously), named after my 126th stuffed dog. I had a goal of 100 by the time I was 10, and sound up w/122.

I clearly display many of the qualities of Asperger’s. Inability to understand some of what people mean, body language, etc.. Copying others to a much larger extent than the normal populace as a means of relying on what to do, say, etc.. My intense focus on things, and a love for familiar routines and old stuff, like my Peanuts, etc. books, and my stuffed animals. I also, as one person kindly pointed out, have some qualities that point to hypersensitivity in that I am often a little to a lot overly concerned about what people are feeling, and am extremely timid about any conflict. Although, if I were hypersensitive I think I’d be able to figure out what people’s moods were a lot better.

Anyway, I'm not saying I have Asperger's - and if I do I may well be much closer to the NT person ont he scale than to other Asperger's poeple. I am introverted but also friendly, I don't feel as uncomfortable around strangers as others. But, before signing off, I wanted to post this b/c if I am, and if it's caught early, this is something that could help you all as parents. And, my apologies if you've already heard tons of advice, but this is just someone who is quite possiblly to probably an Aspie, and who has been through law school and is now going back for a degree in ministry. I have some difficulty thinking criticism is meant to be overly harsh, etc., but I function pretty well.

I should mention, for those who don't know, I also have 20/800 vision, but can read with the regular print right up to my face, or at most a couple inches away. My mom would have loved to hear everything would be okay when I was growing up, though she always felt sure it would be, so thaat's why I'm here saying this. Asperger’s is the closest thing I’ve found by far to explain my eccentricities.

Since they say 50% of personality develops by age 3, and 75% by age 5, I wonder if there’s at least a partial answer *if* one could spot Asperger’s early enough. I think how I was raised would help any aage Aspie, however.

First, in my family there weren’t conflicts, it was like on the sitcoms you used to see (before the horrid stuff today) we always talked about things and worked them out. I was never around yelling and screaming and stuff. And, I was surrounded with stuffed animals and hugs and warmth and tenderness from the humans in my life. I've heard some Aspies don't like hugs but I think if you get little kids used to stuff they grow to accept it. You'd have thought our family was the TAnners on Full House we hug so much, still do. And I really did hear "I love you" all the time, and was sure it was true. And, I didn't live in a perfect family, either, my biological dad drank & my mom divorced him at 18 months, & we lived w/my grandparents till I waas 7. Then my mom and I lived on our own till she remarried when I was 11.5. I still think of my grandpa more as my "daad" though I'm close to my stepfather and call him Dad. In faact, out of habit I called him "grandpa" for a while & he accepted it till I got used to it. Just give the kids time to adjust, more than most poeple need.

I named all my stuffed animals, and would often talk to them all the time. They were my imaginary friends, and I'd talk with them even though they weren't there. I had made up words and such I used, too, in my little world.

Concerns over what people would say or think about me came after problems in Jr. High, but have largely subsided. And, there’s the imaginary play, talking with imaginary friends and never interacting much on the playground (but playing w/kids 1-2 on one) when I was 6-8 or so. And, I function well now because I have those stuffed friends (and the Lord) with whom I talk so much at times. I did need a lot of encouragement later just to talk to *them* aabout problems, though, so it's important that your kids find 1-2 animals at least who they'll talk to early. (Try telling them the animal's a graduate of Mr. Bear's famed University for Advanced Stuffed Animal Companions or something liek that Something funny; play along and have fun with your kid in his adventures.)

Kids didn’t really take advantage of me as much as ignore me my first few years in school except for 2-3 kids, like Angela, a visually impared girl who I never saw as such b/c she was just another good friend who always played w/me. She tried to epitomize the song "This LIttle LIght of Mine" b/c she really took time to learn my made up songs and imaginary words and all that stuff. I think we'd be married if she hadn't had problems herself w/bullies and moved away in 5th grade. She married someone else, though, and I'm truly happy for her. See, I have a very positive outlook, and that's what those formative years helped teach me. Show them by example the right way to act, always caring about others, and talk to them regularly. (I did this because it's good to give to others in need, etc.)

If kids teased they teased about my smarts, always asking me to recite the President in order and such stuff, in grade school. Having mostly positive stuff even in grade school had to help a *lot*. I developed friendships with other kids partly because of my animals, and learned to relate to others through that. My upbringing helped me learn to laugh at life - my great grandma always said the key to long life (she lived to 95 and was mentally sharp till her last few months) was a belly laugh a day; at least one.

Also, my mom - like those sitcom moms - always was nice, I was very sensitive even to a raised voice. Your kids or kid might be more rebellious than I was, but hte point is, my mom expected me to be good and was never manipulative, and always told me what I needed to hear which was exactly what consequences would be, etc. FOr me it waas just getting sent to my room or losing a small privilege, tht was enough. Might be more with yours, I don't know, we're all different.

Will it work? With some, *if* I’m an Aspie, then yes it will. Because it helped me. I have a tendency to think that the way others say is the way I have to be, but I think that’s because I was partly very naturally timid, but also because I still have this idea that people want to help me, and I’ve accepted that I don’t have all the answers.

It won’t help everyone because everyone’s different. But, it could help some to have a more positive outlook on life, like mine, and thus to feel better about life and thus be healthier. And, sure, I have times when I get a little down, but you know what I do when I’m that way? I tell myself that those who try to make me feel down are not in control; thaat I’m allowed to be successful and help others.

Or, maybe I’m not even an Aspie but just mentally challenged in some other way. (I’m laughing at myself here, the way my family always was able to laugh at themselves for their faults, ike my mom and her singing or my grandpa and his slight forgetfulness at times)

So, please be encouraged, things can get better. And, they will.

Maybe you've heaard it all before. Maybe you're trying,a nd you just needed someone to say it will work int he end. I don't know. Or, maybe you've spotted one little thing you can do to make your child feel better. It helps non-Aspies too, after all. If so, to any of these or something else, then my time here has been quite valuable.

I hope I have helped. I won't be back here, too much else to do. But, I wanted to post a little more specifically to this board in an attempt to help those who only have children and who don't go to the other boards with older Aspies.

So long and God Bless.

Bless you snoopy, for that wonderful posts.

Sometimes I do think I need to hear that it will all turn out okay.

Thank you, again, for the smile.

BeeBee