The mail truck picked it up today. He doesn't live terribly far away from me, but it may take a few days before I get a response from him.
d057 wrote:
I just wanted to share with you my coming out letter that I am going to mail to my friend. Please feel free to comment and tell me what you think.
Dear Friend,
The events of the auto accident that happened last month have given me a message. It has taught me to face my fears. I am writing to you because I want to tell you something important. It is too scary for me to say this in person. As a matter of fact, I am terrified to talk to anybody about this. Before I tell you this important thing I have to say, I kindly ask you to take a few minutes and read this entire letter. I have tried to explain my thoughts in as much detail as I possibly can.
I think now is the appropriate time to tell you because this has built a wall between just about every single person I know. I am feeling an incredible amount of anxiety as I sit here and type these words. So, here is what I am about to tell you. I am gay. I truly hope that you don’t take this negatively. I sincerely ask you to keep this between you and me. I am not ready to reveal this to the world. I like you a lot, and it would really break my heart if I ever lost you as a friend. You are like no other friend I’ve known before. You have never misconceived or mistreated me. You are a great guy and I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want to have you as a friend. However, I must realize that I cannot predict to how you will react to this news. I know that I am taking a big risk by revealing this to you. As a matter of fact, saying this to anybody is a big risk. I can’t predict how they will react to me coming out of the closet.
I must admit that what scares me the most is how my extended family will react to this news. The political views of my extended family are mainly Conservative Republican Christians. They feel that being attracted to the same sex is abnormal, a sin and fixable. I am sure that I will endure a few “the bible says” lectures. I can remember hearing a conversation between a few of my relatives. The topic of conversation was whether or not their son was gay. Somebody chimed into the conversation and asked “what are you going to do if your child comes out as gay?” The response was “I’ll have him changed back! I will not tolerate that in my family!”
One thing comes to mind when I hear comments like that. The members of my extended family are afraid of gay people because of their lack of understanding. I am sure they are not bad people, but they have religious and political views that completely contradict everything I believe in. If they truly care, they will love and support me for who I am. There are a few of my relatives who really do care. They will be the only ones I will associate with if “everybody else” is not willing to do so.
I have lived with Asperger’s Syndrome my whole life. After going to “social skills” groups like Wesley Wonder Kids, I have realized one thing. I’ve encountered people on the Autistic Spectrum who say “fa***t” and “queer” and I’ve heard gay people who say “ret*d” and “freak.” There are closeted gay people who hate on gays because they are unhappy with who they are. I’ve encountered intolerance and bigotry from people who know how it feels to be different. They act that way because they know how it feels to be belittled and harassed. Do you know why I am saying this? I was one of those kids during high school. People saw my differences as a laughing matter. They used my social awkwardness as a way to convince me into believing they were trying to be kind when they really wanted to manipulate me. After people harassed me several times, I didn’t want to make friends with anybody. I always snickered and rolled my eyes at most of my peers from the Wesley group because I felt their interests were abnormal. The only reason I did that was because I was too scared to open up to people. I used it as an attempt to eliminate the emotional stress from my life. Looking back, I feel ashamed that I acted in the way I did. The only way I can fix that feeling is to learn from the experience and develop a more accepting attitude when I interact with people who I may find difficult to deal with. I must say that is going to be a challenge when it comes to dealing with my extended family.
You might be wondering why I think now is the appropriate time to come forward and tell you everything I just told you. I am out of high school. For all of those four years, I spent every single day cowering in fear because I was too afraid to reveal the fact that I am gay. The emotionally draining process of “fitting in” was difficult enough. I am slowly learning how to accept my sexuality, but I can’t say the same thing about my Asperger’s. There are many aspects of my diagnosis that I find extremely aggravating, and therapists were really no help in dealing with them. I am still trying to figure out why I am the way I am the way I am. The only thing I do know is that my diagnosis has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I am gay.
Before I leave you, I want you know that I am happy you are beginning your internship at PNC bank this summer. I want you to go and learn the skills you will need for your future career. I am sure Mary Hart and the staff at Computing Workshop will agree that all things do come to an end. However, I hope that you will always remember the impact you made on me. I will certainly remember how you never misconceived me, and how you never saw my differences as a character flaw. I know that friends like you are rare. I hope that we will always stay close. I hope we can still make time to interact electronically and face to face. Please keep this letter in a safe place as a reminder that you are perfectly capable of brightening someone’s day.
Yours Truly,
Derek
_________________
Living my life one day at a time.
13 Mar 2012, 10:43 am
