I wrote this... truthful feedback, please

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LAlien
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04 Aug 2013, 9:05 pm

I wrote this (among many other things) and am a bit scared to share it in real life with people that I actually know. If you like it, I can post more of my work or PM it to you. If you don't like it, please tell me and specify a reason if you can.
I wrote this a while ago, maybe a year.

"What?"
"So what?"
Now what
Can we do
About me being me
And you being you
About me liking quiet
And you liking loud
I like being alone
You like life with a crowd
I wish I could see
The things that you do
But I have to be me
And you get to be you.

It doesn't have a name, either...


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cathylynn
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04 Aug 2013, 9:18 pm

I like it. it's to the point.



LAlien
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04 Aug 2013, 9:25 pm

Thank you, it's not really about Asperger's, but, looking back, it kind of is. I was just thinking about me and a friend having problems because I am so strange. She ended up ditching me for the "cool" kids, but oh well.


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LoverOfDragons
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04 Aug 2013, 9:32 pm

You know, kiddo, that was pretty darn good. You can pm me more of your work if you'd like. I found this one to be very amusing. It sounds like me when I'm at a library or when I'm in my room.



LAlien
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04 Aug 2013, 9:49 pm

Thank you! I might PM you some stuff, but I'll have to find it (stuffed between various pages of books least likely to be read by anyone else, in old journals...) My big brother also calls me "Kiddo." :) Do you write?


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LoverOfDragons
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04 Aug 2013, 10:21 pm

Indeed I do. I am currently writing a couple stories. One of them is a My Little Pony fanfic and the other is a fantasy story of a girl who grew up with dragons after losing her parents. There are other details to the second story but that's just it for right now.



SwampOwl
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05 Aug 2013, 12:38 am

I really liked that. :D It reminds me of when I used to go out with friends. I would sit at my corner table, watching as they had fun, mingled, talked to girls. And I just wished I had stayed home and read a book or something.

It was like we were in the same documentary, but on different sides of the camera.

Keep writing, even if you don't share it. I wish I still wrote but I hit a huge motivation block.

Most of my stuff didn't have titles either :)



LAlien
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05 Aug 2013, 12:53 am

Thank you for reading it! I know that reading kids work can feel like a big waste of time, but it helps me a lot to be able to write on a forum where grown ups will come and read (and even compliment) my work! I love what you say about the documentary thing, about being on opposite sides of the camera. That completely applies to me, someetimes I even play like I am studying their baffling "culture"!


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SwampOwl
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05 Aug 2013, 1:49 am

Not a big waste of time at all. I feel like I wrote my best stuff when I was a kid. It was more honest back then.



Espiritualpoet
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11 Aug 2013, 10:28 am

not a bad poem Lalien, I think it straight to the point,
and that you should title it, if its worth sharing it worth titling,

I would use a little more descriptive terms but for a short and sweet poem it raises the issue
of understanding differences, not bad at all, try to get deeper into your emotions and experiences if you can though.


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Fnord
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11 Aug 2013, 11:11 am

Well ... at least it rhymes.



LAlien
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11 Aug 2013, 11:16 am

Fnord wrote:
Well ... at least it rhymes.


I am not quite sure what you are trying to convey... but thanks for your time... I guess.
Could you please be a bit more specific? Subtlety is not easy for me.


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redrobin62
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11 Aug 2013, 11:47 am

You seem to be a pretty good writer already, LAlien. Here's something to challenge you.

http://syntaxis.com/grammar-quiz



Joannana
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11 Aug 2013, 4:41 pm

I most certainly did not write poems like that when I was 14. I salute you.
Read books, go to poetry open-mics and you will flourish younglady. :) We have a poet in the making.