Man, am I stupid or what?

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Last Friday, the toilet got clogged. After trying a plunger and an auger, the toilet overflowed a few times. Then I thought, Hey, I have lye crystals. Let's try pouring those down the toilet! And so I did, and the toilet overflowed a few more times. Then I bought a wet vac, because the water in the toilet was not draining at all, and decreased the amount of water in the toilet several times. I also tried pouring in a lye-water solution I had made in a high-pressure spray bottle previously, because I was trying to blind myself in my right eye. Nothing helped. Then I used the wet vac to drain most of the water in the bowl so I could plunger it. It didn't really do anything except cause sizzling noises--apparently, the remaining lye crystals in the bowl mixed with the water finally creating a new lye-water solution in the toilet bowl. I could only see the cloud in the water; I could no longer see the lye crystals.

The other drains in the house work just fine; it's just the blasted toilet!

Now the auger doesn't work, and I'm feeling a no. 2 coming on!

Too bad it couldn't come earlier, cause it's gonna get cold tonight.

Why is this in the LGBT section?

Moved from LGBT discussion.

I dont know if this will work for you,
but I got a wire coat hanger and unwound it.

So I have this long wire, then I bent the end so it is hooked.

Then I shoved it as far into the bowl as possible. It came back with a piece of toilet paper about 3 times, then the toilet was unclogged.

I dont know the chances of that working for you.

The other thing to try is to unbolt the toilet from the floor, but you would have to totally drain the bowl and tank first.

when my toilet stopped working, I had to go outside like an animal for several months until I could get somebody to fix it for me.

You could always get a 5 gallon bucket, some construction site (or contractor) heavy duty (or dooty if you prefer) garbage bags, and see if the camping section of a general store has a lid that's designed for the 5 gallon buckets. Having a form of toilet is better than having no toilet at all, but I do hope you can get it fixed somehow (although it sounds like you've done everything you can think of). Hope things get better for you there.

You're not stupid, but you probably should've calmed down before you made a bunch of quick decisions and possibly caused water damage. Water getting in drywall can be very serious, mold can ruin your walls faster than anything.

If it's that serious just buy a snake, every hardware store chain sells them and every employee will know what you need.

Well, I went to Home Depot and the guy helped me out with my auger. I've confirmed it still works. I'll try it again sometime today.