Doctor Who fanfic with male autistic companion in progress

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DominictheStampede
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17 Apr 2015, 1:38 pm

Hi guys I'm writing a Doctor Who fanfiction with a female Doctor and an autistic male companion and I have questions about whether the portrayal of the companion is accurate and sympathetic. In the story so far he suffers sensory overload when the TARDIS takes off and I just wondered if I have portrayed it in a realistic and sympathetic way. Certain types of noises - people shouting, sirens, drums - are jarring to me but I don't react how my character reacts in this fic and I just worry about being disrespectful to those who really do suffer with sensory issues. I was thinking about having my character have an eidetic memory that helps him and the Doctor defeat the enemy and I just wondered what anyone thought about that. Any comments, criticism or suggestions are most welcome.


Calvin unlocked the front door and went in. His flat had a somewhat unlived in feel but he was glad to be home. The careers advisor had been a waste of time; what Calvin wanted to do was write. Real life kept getting in the way as it had a habit of doing. There was an ache inside Calvin. He wanted somebody in his life to kiss and hold, and share good times with. Every woman he had ever asked out had turned him down. They were either with someone or not interested. Calvin's dad had said this meant that he was maturing now that he was starting to think seriously about a relationship and Calvin felt in some way that he had left something behind. Calvin wanted to write Star Wars books for a living but the ideas for what people could do in the Star Wars universe just wouldn't come. Calvin sometimes thought about travelling, but new and unfamiliar places scared him. The young man knew that this line of thought would get him nowhere so he hung up his coat, took off his trainers and began to make his dinner.

Hours later Calvin was watching Star Wars Rebels on TV when there was a knock at the door. He jumped, startledd imagined a myriad of terrible things waiting for him outside before deciding that was probably ridiculous. He went to the door and opened it. No sooner was the door open than the woman strode past Calvin and into the flat with the air of the queen of the universe. She moved rapidly, purposefully, picking up objects, touching things, even licking the remote control of the Youview box.

"Two parts synthetic plastic, one part metal..." she said, half to herself.

Calvin had no idea what was happening. As an Asperger's person this was a common enough feeling but this was weird on an entirely different level.

"Who are you?" he started to say but the woman moved to him in two strides and kissed him on the lips. Calvin's brain exploded. He wanted nothing more than to stand there and kiss this woman when the woman pulled back and scratched her red hair.

"No, wait, sorry, no; kissing is when there is no more need for words."

She stuck out a hand, pumped Calvin's hand and smiled brightly.

"Hello. I'm the Doctor."

Calvin had literally no idea what to say or do. His head was spinning from the kiss. From a distance he heard the woman – the Doctor – say “New mouth, everything tastes different. Sorry about that.”

Calvin wondered if he should try and kiss her. He certainly wanted to but he was no kiss rapist. The Doctor had taken out a silver pen and seemed to be examining the TV with it.

“What is going on?” said Calvin.

The Doctor spun round to face him. “That careers advisor you went to. What did he say?”

“He said I should forget about being a writer and go for a job at that new computer company, Cyberminds or whatever.”

“Don’t give up. Not now, not ever. If you have a dream you can do it.”

Calvin was starting to feel more normal. “What are you doing in my house?”

“Just a routine checkup, of electrical items, and, electricity. I’ve seen all I need to. Goodbye. And don’t give up.”

With that the Doctor swept out of Calvin’s house. Calvin was confused as to what had just happened. His life had been turned upside down for ten minutes and he had received his first kiss. Calvin wondered if life was like this all the time for other people, and wondered if he wanted his to be. After a while Calvin decided to make some tea, which would be the most ordinary and sensible thing he could do. As he went into the kitchen Calvin thought he could hear massive, tortured engines wheezing and groaning but he tried not to think about it too much.

When Calvin woke up the following day the events of last night were dulled slightly by sleep. He could still remember the Doctor’s lips on his and he felt a tingle of pleasure. Calvin knew that other people sometimes did things that he found strange but what happened last night had been way beyond that. Calvin felt a pit open beneath his stomach which contained a world of strange and impossible things. Of red haired women in long raincoats. Of unearthly engines at the edge of hearing. Calvin tried to push the thought away and get ready for the day. He was going to apply for a job at Cybertech.

-Don’t give up, the Doctor’s voice whispered in his ear.

Calvin wondered if he should try to write something. Writing was rewarding, but he found it difficult. He would rather go for a walk than sit for hours and write. Calvin thought of a Young Writers Award he had won in primary school, and the way it had gathered dust on a bookshelf all through his teenage years. Was he really going to give up? Calvin decided then to spend the day writing, and the jobsearch could wait. Feeling happier and more optimistic than he had for a long time Calvin bounced through the lounge and into the kitchen. No sooner had he poured water into the grey kettle than his phone went. Feeling put out and weary at having a social interaction sprung on him Calvin went back into his bedroom and answered his phone.

“Hi who’s there?”

“Mr. Adam.” The voice was a monotone.

“Who is this, please?”

“We understand that you were considering applying for a position at Cybertech. I would like to strongly recommend that you do so.”

Calvin was scared. People who assumed command of situations always frightened him and he never knew how to stand up for himself. Nonetheless he found the courage to say “Who’s calling please?”

“I am an…interested party. We feel you could be of inestimable value to Cybertech. I will not ask again. You must apply to Cybertech.”

Calvin broke the connection. In his head he would have said something like Don’t speak to me like that, but he was afraid. How had whoever (whatever) was on the phone got his number, and how did they know he was thinking about working for Cybertech? Calvin felt very cold and alone. He wondered if he should call the police and then he wondered if that phone call counted as a threat. Calvin could feel the dark thoughts crowding in. The abuse he suffered at secondary school, the memory of his mental illness assaulted his mind and pulled him down. He felt weak and pointless. Then the memory of the Doctor’s lips on his popped into his mind and everything seemed better.

Don’t give up.

Calvin decided he wouldn’t. He walked back into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and begin the day.

Two and a half hours of writing and Calvin was pleased. The characters in his story were a lot better than he had thought they would be and he felt refreshed and energised. Calvin decided to go for a walk into town. He grabbed his grey rain jacket, slid on his trainers and was out the door. The sky outside was a gunmetal grey. Calvin was glad he had brought his coat. As Calvin walked further into the village he noticed something strange. All of the people on the streets stood stock still, like mimes or living statues. There was no movement whatsoever. Then, as one, every single person on the street raised their right arms and pointed at Calvin. Then they began to march. Calvin had no idea what was going on but he thought that if he stayed where he was nothing good would happen.

Calvin ran up the street away from the people. Doors opened in front of him and more people strode out, their arms outstretched. Calvin dashed across the street and into an alley. There was a blue box at the end of it. Calvin tried the doors, tried to climb onto it but he couldn’t find a handhold and he crashed down onto the hard ground. The alley was full of people, their faces devoid of expression, their arms reaching, grasping for him. Calvin felt more terror in that moment than he ever had in his entire life. There was a creak from behind him and a strong hand grabbed the back of his coat and pulled him into the blue box. As the door slammed shut Calvin felt relief wash through him. He turned around and…

A vast chamber sprawled before him. There were bookcases on several levels and what appeared to be comfortable chairs dotted around. Several metres in front of Calvin was a six sided console with controls that looked like a hotchpotch of handles, buttons, switches, levers, taps, dials and screens from all throughout industrial history. An orange filament glowed in a glass column around which the console was built. The Doctor shrugged off her raincoat and flung it onto a stand.

“Hello again. Up you get, no need to worry. You’re safe. Well if by safe you mean the only person that hasn’t undergone Cyber-conversion in a ten mile radius then yeah. You’re safe.”

The Doctor grinned at Calvin. Calvin couldn’t decide if it made her look beautiful or if it freaked him out.

He said “Why were those people chasing me?”

“You had a phone call, right? Chap not big on inflection demanding that you join Cybertech?”

“How did…”

“I didn’t think they’d have gotten this far in this amount of time…”

The Doctor seemed to retreat into herself.

Calvin got up. “Look, who are you? Why were those people chasing me? What is this place?”

He almost added, Why did you kiss me? but thought better of it.

The Doctor grabbed Calvin by his coat and pulled his face close to hers.

“I’m the Doctor. I’m a time traveller from another world. This is my quite honestly spectacular time machine that transports me through time and space. Those people out there have become slave to an army of technologically upgraded warriors who have purged all emotion from themselves. I am now going to attempt to stop those warriors and because I’m awesome I’ll probably do it. Any other questions?”

“What am I supposed to do?” said Calvin.

The Doctor seemed to consider this.

“Have you thought about macramé?” she said.

“I mean about the warriors…”

Calvin started to say but the Doctor was already at the control console pulling levers, flicking switches and cranking handles. A massive wheezing and groaning noise filled Calvin’s ears. It was like a knife being twisted into his guts. He doubled over and screamed.

The Doctor stopped what she was doing and came over to Calvin.

“What’s wrong?”

The Doctor rested a hand on Calvin’s shoulder.

The noise filled Calvin’s world. It was like a million fingernails on a million blackboards pumped through a gigantic sound system. Calvin crouched on the floor and shuddered.

The Doctor put her arms around him until the noise had died away.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“I didn’t know.”

“Certain types of noises upset me.” said Calvin.

“But I still want to help you.”

The Doctor smiled.

“The human race.” She said with pride.

“Is there anything I can do against the enemies?” said Calvin, standing up.

“The best help you can be is to stay here where it’s safe.” Said the Doctor.

She walked over to where she had flung her raincoat and pulled it on. Then she went to the door. As she put her hand on the door handle the Doctor turned back to Calvin.

“What was your name?” she said.

“Calvin. Calvin Adam.”

The Doctor smiled.

“You’re better than you think you are, Calvin Adam. Don’t lose sight of that.”

With that she was gone.



cellogirl42
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19 Apr 2015, 6:06 pm

First things first.
Yay for writing a female Doctor! Not enough people do that. You deserve kudos for doing that.

Now I'm going to put on my fanfic-criticism hat.
1) Why is the Doctor there? I mean, I know she's probably checking up on something nefarious and alien in the general area, but generally when you plop the Doctor into a story, people are going to want to know why she's there. Maybe just have her babble a bit about the thing she's dealing with, to make it more realistic. Lol, realistic. I make myself chuckle.
BTW, I like how you didn't bother with overlong physical descriptions. Good. That way lies trouble. It's way better as a writer to focus on the effect a character has on another, especially when you're trying to talk about someone with sensory issues. Which makes me think of a thing:
2) I totally love that she just goes ahead and kisses him. I think that you could possibly add in a little bit of his reaction. Like 'he felt his brain short circuit as he realized that he had just had his first kiss. With a stranger. Who had broken into his house.' You're free to use that, if you like. Play up the humour. It's a funny situation.
2) The first two paragraphs are too long. Way too long. I mean, the information in them's relevant to the story, but I think that it could really be formatted in a more eye-pleasing form. As a fanfic reader/writer myself, I know that starting a story with a block of text is the best way to keep people from reading your story. A general rule I use is four lines. If the starting paragraph is longer than four lines in Word, break it up. And finally,
3) There are small grammatical errors that a beta reader could help you with. (Points at self with the utmost humbleness) Are you on FF.net? If so, pm me and I'll give you my screen-name there.

In summation: Lovely idea, fun details that you just don't see often enough, though the story could use a bit more expansion. Three out of four TARDISes.