Coming Out...is it ever too late?

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I've been working up the courage to do this for a long time. So far I've told my therapist, my brother, and one friend. But nobody else. And I don't feel like I can.

I'm 28, F, and I feel like it's too late to come out. Like, I've pretended to be straight for so long that if I come out now everyone will think I'm a fake and not know what's real with me and what's not (FWIW, I've rarely dated but I do talk "girl talk" with friends).

Also I have a roommate and I'm worried she'd freak out. Our lease is up in 3 months and I feel like I should either tell her now, not renew the lease, or don't tell her at all. She's never said anything homophobic but she's also never said/done anything that makes me feel like she'd accept this sudden change either.

Also, I hate having to label myself. Like, yes, I am mainly attracted to women. But that isn't to say I've never been attracted to men (although it's never quite as strong of an attraction).

Anyway, #EndRant

It's not too late at all. I know people who have come out much later than that, some in their thirties or older. Heck, you're only a year older than when I came out. But ultimately, you don't have to come out until you're ready to come out – if you choose to do so at all.

Yep, this is what kept me from coming out years earlier than I did. I knew my parents and most of the people around me would be supportive. But I had kept up a facade for so long the biggest thing holding me back was giving that up, especially since I had become so comfortable behind it.

I will say that that facade kinda blinded me too, leading me to presume that a lot of other people would react negatively or else really awkwardly. In my case it turned out that most people simply didn't care, although that depends a lot on where you live and what situation you're in.

In any case, best of luck.

Thanks! I appreciate it. So much of what you wrote resonates with my situation as well. I do believe most of my issues are stemming from myself. I think my family will accept it. I have a gay aunt and cousin so that's all be checked off, box wise. And I live in a progressive area of the US (though where I grew up is decidedly less so). There are just a few people I'm worried about their reactions (my grandma for one, it's weird b/c it's my life but i worry about disappointing her; and my roommate but her only b/c i live with her). But by and large it's just that I feel "stuck" and working up the courage to move forward is daunting.

Nope. It's never too late. And remember: Coming out is a lot like forgiveness.. it's not for other people - it's for you. No longer having to consciously conceal who you are is quite the stress relief.

I've been out to my best friend since we were 17 in high school. I'm 32 now. I didn't come out to other friends/family until a couple of years ago - thanks to the extremely positive influence of my closest friend of the last few years, who also happens to be gay. It's been a mostly positive experience and I wouldn't step back into the closest ever again. It's also a LOT of fun being out at work w/ all the really hilarious jokes that fly around.

The family friend I was most concerned about coming out to was one of the first to find out and his reaction, even though he's a highly competitive alpha male guy's guy kind of guy, was the most positive one could ever hope for. That made me think "if he was so cool with it, what do I have to worry about what anyone else thinks??" which helped my decision to eventually come out to others.

But I hear ya on the grandmother thing.. I still haven't said anything about it to my only remaining grandmother. She's 93 years old and fairly religious and a bit homophobic.. and was on the front page of a major local newspaper in the early 90's with her sisterinlaw protesting at an anti gay rally... however, several months ago she did make the statement that "you know, I think some people are just born that way." about gays after my uncle went off on a homophobic rant for a while. I was pleasantly surprised to hear her say that. I also wonder if she's making some amends as she prepares to meet her maker at the end of her life, being religious and all. But yeah, I don't see any reason she needs to know. I'm single so I'm not hiding a significant other from her or anything.

Working up the courage to tell my parents/immediate family was difficult.. it was a couple of Summers ago and I was very highly anxious but had decided that I was going to do it.. drank a few bottles of wine and then got it over with. Well, to my parents and older brother anyways. My older brother told me that my dad told him he was surprised because he expected if either of us (my twin brother and I) was ever going to say that it'd be my brother lol. But yeah, they were all totally OK with it. Anyone who isn't I don't need in my life.

I came out at 28 - people were fine; apart from my parents being shocked, I've only received positive comments from people

It's your life, don't worry too much about others - if they are true friends, they'll love you whatever!

Has anyone ever just posted on FB? I know it's a very impersonal way of doing it but I've been thinking what I'd like to do is tell my grandmother separately on the phone, maybe text my parents, and then just post a short bit on FB, take off a few weeks from work just for me, travel and clear my head and say I'll get back to people.

My grandmother's 90, and she's never said anything negative exactly. In fact she loves Nate Berkus and Ellen and obviously she knows about both of them. She had even told me things about Nate and his partner I guess he's talked about. I am very close to her though and I don't think I could handle any rejection.

Doesn't sound like your grandmother is likely to react negatively if she's a-ok with watching and discussing gay relationships. I bet she loves you and wants you to be happy no matter who you love. It really doesn't sound like you have to worry about rejection from her.

I 'came out' with my ASD diagnosis that way. I didn't want to bother with having to decide who to tell and not tell, and then when to tell each person and keeping track of who knows and who doesn't and who should know and who shouldn't. Coming out as gay was way harder because I did all that junk. It's still probably the better method, though, because it respects the people you tell more to tell them in person.