How do deal with disrespectful classmates?

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Rudin
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07 Jun 2015, 8:01 pm

Lot's of my classmates always tease me and act like dictators.

Here is my plight:

My classmates always belittle me(and other people). They throw erasers and other objects at me and others. Then when we try to stand up for ourselves, or politely ask to stop they'll tell me "don't talk back to me". They call me certain things sheenus(penis with cocaine on it), sheesh, plug, duster etc.

I try not to talk to them because I hate them with passion. But they always do this. What do I do?

BTW: The teacher already knows but doesn't do anything. Please post things I can do.


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08 Jun 2015, 4:15 am

Do they mean it in a mean way or are they only joking? If they're joking then it's ok because so many classmates, friends and siblings joke that way with eachother but if they're not joking... Well I don't know tell a teacher or someone



Rudin
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08 Jun 2015, 9:38 am

Zajie wrote:
Do they mean it in a mean way or are they only joking? If they're joking then it's ok because so many classmates, friends and siblings joke that way with eachother but if they're not joking... Well I don't know tell a teacher or someone


No they are jerks and take pleasure in other's dismay.

The teacher doesn't do anything because she is afraid of something. She told them to stop but they are ignorant.


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Zajie
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08 Jun 2015, 2:45 pm

Rudin wrote:
Zajie wrote:
Do they mean it in a mean way or are they only joking? If they're joking then it's ok because so many classmates, friends and siblings joke that way with eachother but if they're not joking... Well I don't know tell a teacher or someone


No they are jerks and take pleasure in other's dismay.

The teacher doesn't do anything because she is afraid of something. She told them to stop but they are ignorant.


Then maybe just ignore them because if they do that to others too then it means they have a problem with themselves or something



54together
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14 Jun 2015, 4:40 pm

They sound like bullies to me; they know you're uncomfortable with the jokes and name-calling, yet they mock you when you tell them to stop, and continue. You shouldn't have to live with that. :?

If the teasing gets worse, and you don't feel comfortable telling somebody, tell a friend and a trusted adult, like your parents/guardian, or another teacher. Your main teacher doesn't sound like she has a lot of 'oomph' behind her, but she's not the only one you can try. If there is a student service desk or something similar at your school they're often helpful. If they ask you about your main teacher, just tell the truth. You will not get in trouble for being honest.

I hope your problem is solved soon.


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27 Jun 2015, 6:44 pm

This has the disgusting scent of bullies all over it. I know that all too well. :x

Assuming they are around the same age as you are, that is when the Alpha types tend to come out of the woodwork and try to achieve 'popularity' or anything that will place them on top of the grade school social hierarchy. They also have that 'I know everything' attitude which makes them think they are better than others. I tried ignoring my bullies, it didn't work despite what others said.

My advice would be bring it up with the school, whether that be an office of some kind or the administrators, your parents, or a trusted adult like 54together said. If they continue to do that stuff after the school warned them, punished them, or whatever, keep on reporting them to the school. If the school doesn't seem 'motivated' to take care of them, keep on making a stink out of it. Get your parents involved to have the school take care of them if needed. Since it affects other students as well, it might be good to report them as a group.

I hope this issue of yours is resolved soon. I went through four years of that garbage. Take care of this sooner rather than later, trust me.



Rudin
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27 Jun 2015, 7:48 pm

AspergersActor8693 wrote:
This has the disgusting scent of bullies all over it. I know that all too well. :x

Assuming they are around the same age as you are, that is when the Alpha types tend to come out of the woodwork and try to achieve 'popularity' or anything that will place them on top of the grade school social hierarchy. They also have that 'I know everything' attitude which makes them think they are better than others. I tried ignoring my bullies, it didn't work despite what others said.

My advice would be bring it up with the school, whether that be an office of some kind or the administrators, your parents, or a trusted adult like 54together said. If they continue to do that stuff after the school warned them, punished them, or whatever, keep on reporting them to the school. If the school doesn't seem 'motivated' to take care of them, keep on making a stink out of it. Get your parents involved to have the school take care of them if needed. Since it affects other students as well, it might be good to report them as a group.

I hope this issue of yours is resolved soon. I went through four years of that garbage. Take care of this sooner rather than later, trust me.


Okay thanks I thought it might be bullying and my teacher actually called my dad and said "_______ and _______ have been mercilessly bullying __________ for the entire year". This just disgusts me. I didn't know if what they were doing was classified as bullying so they took advantage of someone with social ineptitude (me), which is disgusting in my opinion.

I'm the tallest one in my class and despite stereotypes of people with ASD I am able to physically defend myself all they can do is call me names which just tells me what kind of person they are complete and utter narcissistic jackasses. You see, they'll never back down because they are like a car they need to fuel their ego to drive. Picking on innocent, kind and polite people such as myself apparently fuels their ego which makes them get stronger so if I am able to deprive them of the opportunity to boost then that might help.

However these 3 boys in my class definitely suffer from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they crave gas for their ego car so if a opportunity to boost their ego is not provided they'll seek it out which is classic for a narcissist. I've observe this behaviour actually.

Example:

In gym class we play a game known as "never-ending dodgeball" and you are given the entire gym you can hit anyone and if they get hit they have to wait until the person that hit them gets hit.

In order to deprive them of the opportunity to pick on the "Loser Crew" as they call it (which is me and my few friends) we decided to form a group that we call the "Tux Group" named after the famous GNU/Linux mascot. Which consists of 4 people including myself. We finally won and beat the as*holes then immediately one of the as*holes asked to play soccer (which he is really good at) in order to beat everyone and kick the ball with lots of force at us. So we immediately asked our teacher if we could go in one of the other classrooms to watch movies.

Basically people can never get them to stop because of their narcissism which is sad but no one should feel empathy for them, their kind should be destroyed.

They think we are lost causes because we don't play sports and we just sit at home and play on our computers however we have lots of friends on the internet and we actually learn things. Reality is actually quite contrary to what they think. We'll be living the high life most likely being the CEO of a company or a government researcher, this is how their life will go:

- Plays sports until college.
- In college they'll realize they aren't good enough for higher placement.
- All of their plans are ruined.
- Sees one of us at a drive thru and asks if we would like fries with that.

They'll see sooner or later, my dad was one of those "jocks" he played sports all they way up until college and realized he wasn't good enough, it ended up good for him though, he became a teacher.

It's almost pointless only a vendetta of the highest possible quality good get through to them by contriving some sort of ingenious plot that will leave them speechless, which is not the "Loser Crew" as they call it.


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AspieUtah
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27 Jun 2015, 8:06 pm

Rudin wrote:
Lot's of my classmates always tease me and act like dictators.

Here is my plight:

My classmates always belittle me(and other people). They throw erasers and other objects at me and others. Then when we try to stand up for ourselves, or politely ask to stop they'll tell me "don't talk back to me". They call me certain things sheenus(penis with cocaine on it), sheesh, plug, duster etc.

I try not to talk to them because I hate them with passion. But they always do this. What do I do?

BTW: The teacher already knows but doesn't do anything. Please post things I can do.

When I was just a year older than you are, I enrolled in a community-education evening taekwondo class at my school. I mentioned it to a few acquaintances and within a few weeks, the bullying I faced dropped by half. Nobody seemed to care about my level of advancement in the class, just that I was continuing to attend it. Apparently, it was now their imaginations that were running wild.

You might want to check around for just such a class. Maybe night class, like mine, or a youth community center would offer a class. In any case, it was an enjoyable class for me and I learned a lot. I never had to say another word to anyone. The news about my taekwondo studies described it all for me.


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28 Jun 2015, 2:35 am

I'm sorry you are going through that honey. I went through that and some worse at your age. I can tell you your options and tell you what I did. My advice would be to do what I did, and it won't be popular advice, but it worked. First I want to ask if you have any friends and if your friends are unpopular too. Thats gonna be important later on in the post.

You could

1. Tell the teacher again and also tell the counselor. However if it's happening out of sight of the teacher the only thing they can do is take the kids aside and tell them to stop or punish them and that will make them like you less and make them double their efforts toward you at other times. It's an option that should only be used for physical danger or bullying to the point where you are having some serious emotional problems because of it. It can have bad repercussions on you from them and it can get you a reputation as a rat that may follow you through school. However, it's something that needs to be done at times so weigh your options and also do talk to your school counselor about it but don't name names, ask him not to do anything and ask his advice about it as well. Give all of it some thought.

2. Do something back to them when they do it. This is tricky because most likely you will get caught and punished and they won't. Or you could get beat up by them when you do it. I don't suggest this for what they are doing. I'd save this for physical stuff, pushing, pantsing, wedgies, etc. You could grab the things they throw at you and not give them back and throw them away when they don't see you. You could say something back when they call you names. You could even laugh at a name they called you like you think it's funny and say something like "I like that! I'm gonna have to use that" and when they tell you not to talk to them you could say "I forgot, you're all that and I'm not. That's right. MY BAD" and turn away. But say it sarcastically and turn away immediately and ignore them. By laughing at some of the things and taking their stuff they throw and acting like you are just annoyed a little and not hurt or scared or sad because of it, they will actually start to think better of you and may slack off and go to somebody who they get a reaction out of better. They might still do it, but the more you react like it's funny or something or that it's a game you are both playing with each other as if you were equal enemies, they may start to talk to you some. If that happens, don't act eager and don't go sit with them or anything. Keep it cordial and casual and act like they are just acquaintances who get on your nerves.

3. You could just ignore it altogether but that's really hard. It does work sometimes, especially if there is another kid in your class who reacts a lot to them and gets upset. They will go for him. It's a hierarchy and you know it as well as I do, but most adults don't want to admit it. I was at the very bottom of that heirarchy so I admit it. If there is somebody weaker than you and less liked than you, they will go to him and leave you alone once you stop reacting completely and keep that up for a good amount of time. Weeks to a month or two. It will cut down either way.

4. (This is the one people won't like but it worked for me, as did hitting somebody but she hit me first and it wasn't the first time. I think this one works best). Figure out what it is about you that draws their attention and that makes them not like you. Chances are, if you don't have friends (I didn't until I was 13) then you don't have them, or have many, because of whatever reason it is. I looked funny because I dressed funny, I cried about everything, I couldn't get words out, I walked funny, I talked funny, I wasn't clean, I smelled bad, I laughed too loud, I blew my nose all the time, I told on everybody, I was afraid of everything, etc. I was one of THOSE KIDS. I met four girls and one boy when I was 13 and they saw something in me that others didn't and they told me those things about myself and helped me change them. I was a friend though, not a project to them. They liked me so they helped me change so others would like me too. It worked. It took a long time, and I didn't like myself so I was willing to change everything, but only change what you are willing to. Talk to your friends about what behaviors you might be doing and what it is about you that draws attention like that or makes other kids not want to talk to you. Then start changing it little by little. Never walk into school totally different the next day, it just draws more negative attention. Do it slowly if you choose this option. If you don't have the unpopularity problem and they do this to everybody, then disregard this option and just go tell on them. Get the other kids they do it to to tell as well. In fact, if you don't have a lot of friends but you do have some, then talking to the other kids they do it to might be a way to make new friends. You could encourage them to tell too and you could all go together and tell. That will have a LOT MORE weight with the staff than just one kid. Something WILL be done if you all go together and tell about it.

Those are my thoughts on it, I've been there and I know. It's horrible and it's hard to live through but it gets better and you can make it better yourself. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen over time.

I hope you get this worked out. I am assuming you have talked to your parents about this. If not, that would be the number one thing to do before you do anything else. If you don't want them to go to the school yet, ask them not to and do not name names. But get their advice. I don't want you trying one of my options if it would really upset your parents cause they want you to try another way.

Good luck! It gets better. I promise you.


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