Since I'm anti-romantic could I be asexual?

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neptunekh
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24 Jan 2016, 11:28 pm

I'm a straight woman who likes men, but I don't really like romantic relationships. Could I be asexual?



C2V
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25 Jan 2016, 12:45 am

As far as I'm aware asexuality hinges on not experiencing sexual attraction nor the desire to have sex with other people. Do you experience sexual attraction and the desire to have sex with men? If so, likely not asexual.
Maybe you're just aromantic and not interested in coupling? Some people just aren't into that, individually. Despite what they tell us, not everyone wants to be in a relationship. What about relationships / romance do you dislike?


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lostonearth35
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25 Jan 2016, 12:54 am

What do you mean by "romance"? Do you mean as in having sex, or doing loving things that aren't the same as sex, like giving someone a rose or taking them out to a fancy dinner?

People can be asexual but not have a problem when other people have sex or do romantic things.



Ettina
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26 Jan 2016, 3:12 am

You might be aromantic.

Asexuality is a lack of desire for sex/lack of feeling of sexual attraction. You say you 'like men'. If you mean you want to have sex with men, then you're not asexual.

However, romantic orientation is separate from sexual orientation. Romantic desire is the desire to have someone as a life partner and form a long-term exclusive commitment to that person. While most people have matching romantic and sexual orientations and include sex as part of romance, there are romantic asexuals who want a romance without having sex, and there are also aromantic sexuals who want only sex and no relationship. People can also be heteroromantic, homoromantic or biromantic.

Romantic orientation isn't exactly analogous to sexual orientation, though, because it seems to me more malleable than sexual orientation. For example, I've encountered a number of gay guys who went through a phase of being heteroromantic homosexual, and as they got more comfortable with their sexual orientation, their romantic orientation shifted to match it. Also, avoidant attachment can make someone think they're aromantic when really they're repressing their desire for closeness. (The key distinction between aromantic and avoidantly attached is whether your aloofness extends to all close relationships, since romantic orientation has no effect on how you feel about your parents, siblings, children, friends, etc. An avoidantly attached person usually feels distant towards everyone, especially their own parents.)