Hi,
It's been ages since I posted anything on WrongPlanet, but an important issue to me has arisen.
I have found out that I can only get sexually aroused if my brain is producing Oxytocin.
Oxytocin is a neuro-chemical, which the brain makes to bond 2 people together. It causes an emotional attachment between two people.
According to my online research, for most men (I am male) arousal is to do with Testosterone. That's what causes some guys to think with their balls rather than their brain.
A few days ago I met up with a male friend who I fancy. We went to a cafe, and played "footsie" under the table. That physical act of just locking our legs together caused a massive surge of Oxytocin in my brain, and I got a semi-erection. We arranged for us to meet up again, and he said he'd like to come round my flat. I agreed.
Today he came round, and things got VERY physical. He went into my bedroom and laid on my bed, and I said if it would be OK if I laid next to him. He said that he'd really like that. We were clothed, but wrestling, kissing eachothers cheeks and necks, rolling about on top of one another and even humping. However............. my brain produced NO Oxytocin whatsoever, and I wasn't at all aroused.............. all because of a text he sent me last night where he said "Im not gay I love women".
He is very difficult to understand as only last week he told me "Your the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep at night".
My brain figured: If he doesn't Love me I won't produce any Oxytocin, no Oxytocin no arousal.
Is this a problem any of you also have?
Today I have been doing a little bit of research about Oxytocin suppliments, such as tablets & nasal sprays.
I have been thinking that because I do find him physically attractive that in order to satisfy the emotional part of my brain I could get the Oxytocin going artificially, and therefore be able to become sexually aroused when my own emotions aren't generating Oxytocin without that help.
I'd appreciate your comments.
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We, the people on the Autistic Spectrum have a choice.
We can either try to "fit in" with the rest of society, or we can be so egocentric that we can't be bothered.
I choose the actor. I observe NT's. I listen to their socializing. I practice it, so in social situations I can just emulate/mimic what is expected.
It isn't natural for me, but it enables me to "fit in".
It is VERY tiring and draining, but at least we can appear like them even though it is an act. Like being on the stage.
They can't see it is emulation, and so we are accepted.
10 Mar 2016, 2:28 pm
