Rough Draft

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I am currently writing a short story, and I am attempting a different format than the usual, which I was struggling with a bit. I am combining the rotating first person that has been used in Citizen Kane, Rashoman, and remains one of the more underused forms in art, and a modern blog-twist to create what is hopefully an interesting story. I am currently 2000 words in, but I'll only post about half for some feedback and hope it at least intrigues people. There is more if is any good.

Title Is As Of Yet Unknown
News Factor
July 31, 2016
Unusual reports today as the Sun appears noticeably smaller. Scientists, although baffled, believe this to be a result of smog or possibly some solar activity. This highly unusual story is developing. We here at News Factor will bring you news as soon as it appears. In other news, the president today met at a summit in Spain for as of yet unknown reasons. The president is thought to possibly be planning a grand economic summit, although this is little more than speculation. And on the campaign trail, Democratic candidate Dale Cobard continues his trek throughout the southwest, hoping to garner attention in states with a high Mexican population, drawing heavily on his Hispanic heritage. Republican candidate Bryan Gates, meanwhile, is working over large crowds in key states such as Iowa and Nevada. This is News Factor, your lead blog for news in this modern era.

Real Truth
August 2, 2016
Shocking news today, as the Sun continues to shrink. We here at the Real Truth hate to gloat, but we called it first. Three days after the Sun first started to shrink, and we still have no word from the US government. The US government, along with the powers that be in the rest of the world, are hiding the fact that the Earth is in fact drawing farther and farther away from the Sun. This would lead to the world becoming cooler, thus negating much of the impact that global warming has had and allowing the colossal oil companies to continue to sell gas without regulation, producing massive profits to be used for future wars. The US government continues to conspire against the American people for the benefit of the companies that run this country now. We at the Real Truth consider ourselves lucky to have bought an old oil platform to run our honest blog, after severe investigations from the government led to severe downtime due to a virus that has been seen neither before nor since on any computer not spreading the gospel of candour and frankness that the Real Truth, World Reports, and Searchers have brought to you, the loyal reader. We will be back with more on this story when it develops. This is Real Truth, hoping that we meet again.

US Reports
August 2, 2016
This is US Reports, the official blog of the executive branch. The president says that all is going well in a summit with various presidents being held in the Pyrenees, reporting, “We are making serious progress toward our ultimate goal, which will further the friendships of the United States, Spain, England, and the various other countries involved in this meeting. The topics being discussed are of vital importance to both the United States of America, and the world as a whole.” The summit is expected to end sometime in the next week, at which point the president will return home to help campaign for candidate Bryan Gates, who is running to replace President Paul Thompson, who has had a remarkable eight years at president. The President hopes that his former Secretary of Education will live up to his own remarkable term, stating, “Bryan was an incredible Secretary of Education. The standardized test scores have risen substantially since he first entered. When he said he was leaving, we begged him to stay (President pauses for laughter). But then he told me, ‘I am going to leave my office to run for the highest office in America. I cannot imagine a better way to enact change in this country.’ And from that moment on, Bryan has had my fullest support. I couldn’t possibly fathom a better president for this country. Well, except for the one sitting here right now (President laughs).” Mr. Gates has also promised the current president a seat on the Cabinet, a promise the President has yet to respond to. In news pertaining to the legislative branch, a bill banning the marriage of two people of the same sex is to be passed today. The President has promised to sign this bill, however, there are expected to be many legal challenges to the bill.

American Reality
August 2, 2016
Hello patriotic Americans, this is American Reality, your lead source for the real news not controlled by the leftist spin machine. Here at American Reality, we were the first ones to jump off the bandwagon of now-unpopular President Thompson. His latest decision to sign a bill taking away more states rights is just the latest example of his lack of trust in good, hard working Americans. If we don’t want gay marriage(and we do not want gay marriage), we would bar through the states. Wait a second, it appears that is exactly what we did! Also included in this bill were various other methods to take away rights from the states. A little known feature on this bill, that our crack research team dug up(thanks guys), states that, “500 million dollars($500,000,000) will be given to a think tank known as ‘America Educated’ for research into economics and assorted other topics related to it.” In other words, this Spend-o-crat in sheep’s clothing is giving $500,000,000 dollars to a think tank headed by the cousin of former Clinton mistress Monica Lewinsky. This is the latest in a laundry list of obscene acts perpetrated by this false conservative. The tragedy is that presidential candidate Bryan Gates has been dragged into this whole mess. After leaving the administration out of frustration at the moronic nature of Thompson policies, Mr. Thompson is now being joined in his campaign by the president, who we are thankful is finally leaving his money pit in Washington. Mr. Gates, we here at American Reality implore you to tell the president to stay at home, or in his mysterious conference in Spain(sources indicate that the President is possibly planning to obtain rights to a Spanish port, thus reducing free trade and increasing prices), or anywhere, please. Mr. Gates, you are a good man and were a star in the dark rooms filling the White House right now. We beg of you to not give in to the President; to retain your integrity. If not, we must join the growing chorus of people supporting the third party in this great nation. This is American Reality, over and out.

News Factor
August 4, 2016
The Sun continues to shrink today, and the world is beginning to take notice, although not everyone seems to be saddened by this. Those near the top of the world report that small amounts of ice are beginning to reform where large glaciers once stood; glaciers which had formerly shrank from being the size of California to being the size of Tennessee. However, many sceptics are quick to point out, this is possibly a result of an abnormal cooling for some other reason. In other parts of the world the news of the cooling of the world is not being taken as well. Many people in the Southern Hemisphere, which is currently experiencing winter, are facing temperatures colder than usual. The normally sandy beaches of the Gold Coast are taking a large hit as the cold temperatures of the water deter visitors. The average global temperature has only fallen about 1 degree, nevertheless, the northern hemisphere is reporting huge changes of as much as 10 degrees, a number that astonishes many. Noticeably absent from the widespread talk of this global cooling President Paul Thompson, who remains in the Pyrenees in a conference which is supposed to end later this week, although those reports are now in question, as no one has left the building since early on the 1st of August. Among the early suspected causes for this global cooling is a possibly anti-gravity suggested by many scientists as a possible result of the Sun entering a different phase of its life, pushing energy out through the Solar System and hitting the planet farther from the Sun. However, due to the travel of light from the Sun taking a decent amount of time, these reports cannot be confirmed roughly two weeks from now. Another theory is a large asteroid in the asteroid belt which accumulated and then suddenly disappeared. It is unknown as to where this asteroid is currently located, and scientists are mystified as to its vanishing, stating, “Asteroids collapse, they fall apart, they form together, sometimes they will just crumble. This is the first recorded case in modern technological history of an asteroid disappearing off the map forever. Truly stunning, and truly baffling.”

Bump, I suppose...

I'll assume what you've posted here, incomplete, is a rough draft, so I'll comment on changes I'd like to see.

The Sun is shrinking. Why? Provide more explanation, and early on. You did go into explanation about why the earth was cooling, which is good, but do that after you explain why the sun is shrinking.

It's an unusual approach to have the story told by news reports from various sources, but I think that given that is way most people get their news now, it is interesting. But as for making them interesting AND exciting, I think you need more work.

I won't argue with your grammar because you have the text fashioned as a series of news reports, and what anchors say on TV is not always grammatical (nor always makes any sense). I'm sure there are some grammatical errors here and there, but I'm sure you will get those out after your proofread it--should you decide to complete it.

I've been writing too. It is good to see something else on there. See my thread in this forum (the Art and etc. forum) about Aspies writing social interaction if you want to know more about how to write how NTs speak.

I am going into detail about the Sun shrinking. At first, I was going to start the story at what is now the end, and work from there. But now, I'm going to end with what was going to be the beginning. No idea how this happened, but it's working well. Also, the grammar I will work on a little. I would like a better feel for each blog, but the grammar still needs to be done. It's just a rough draft, so I will have time to fix such things.