AS child relating with NT parent

Post Reply New Topic

I'm not sure if anyone is out there with a similar situation, but I'm AS as is my oldest child, Jacob, who is 6 years old. My wife is NT.

I have noticed over the last few months that Jacob is having more meltdowns with my wife as oposed to with me. This is especially true when it comes to doing homework. Jennifer (my wife) will spend hours trying to get Jacob to do his homework. This usually involves multiple meltdowns from Jacob. Now when I try to get Jacob to do his homework, it may take some work to keep him focused, but he doesn't usually meltdown with me and it doesn't take nearly as long.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar situation. Also, I honestly don't know what I'm doing different that he doesn't meltdown with me. I sometimes want to say it's because we are both AS, but I'm not sure. I want to help Jennifer because it frustrates her, but I'm not sure right now what to tell her.

If anyone here watches "Malcolm in the Middle", you might have noticed how the mother treats the kids. She acts in a very Machiavellian manner: she yells at the kids all the time, and demands only the most utmost obedience. Does your wife treat Jacob like that? Hopefully not, but this provides an extreme example you can work off of.

My mother mas NT. Due to her "trying", I grew up hating her. The attitudes of alot of NT parents of AS/Autistic kids seems to be much the way my mother's was.

Perhaps if you gave more information as to how she treats your son, you'd get more helpful ideas. Is she condescending towards him? Does she treat him like he's stupid or silly? Frankly, I don't think NT's make good parents for AS/Autistic kids. They can't possibly understand what life is like for us and what goes on in our minds. I fear that often times, the NT parent(s) end up abusing the child out of frustration or anger (as my mother did to me).

My ex could never get the children to do their homework whilst the kids and I seem to get it done. I think its just a better personality fit.

I'm sure Jennifer loves your child. Homework may never be her thing. Its good that you can do that task.

Take care,
BeeBee

Question: does your wife Jennifer push your son to do his homework perfectly? And does she punish him if he gets anything less than an A? If so, read on.

My parents were like that. They punished me whenever I got anything less than a B. One time, I got a C, and they took away my TV priveleges for two weeks (after yelling at me for 30 minutes). It was in 1995, so I didn't have internet access then; otherwise, they'd have taken that too. Being an aspie, and having TV as my only entertainment, I suffered horribly for two weeks. Next academic term, I got a C on some test; when I saw it, I felt like throwing up, and had to bolt from my seat and run to the restroom.
I tried to tell my parents how I felt, and they said: "You're just making this up to avoid punishment. You're smart enough to get a B, and if you don't, we will make sure you do."
Can you believe it? Penalized by my own smartness!! ! And that was in addition to being bullied in school. This extreme fear of grades continued all the way through high school, even after my parents stopped checking my grades.

georgiaspie, you have my permission to show this post to your wife. I fully sympasize with your kid, and do not want him to have the life I had.

After reading this, I'm thankful to have a mom who is willing to work with me on my AS.