I keep thinking about babies...

Post Reply New Topic

I'm about to start a job and I've been married for 5 years... I mean I'm 35 and he's 56... Are we too old to start a family someday? He actually wants too, but I would have to get off the depakote first since it is real harmful for that

Also, I could pass my mental health problems on to a kid... having a kid that could possibly have as bad of meltdowns I did... But on the other hand me and my husband both never had kids and I feel like I'm missing out on a major life experience...

You're not too old to get children. There's a lot of misconceptions about when a woman is too old to make babies. Many will say that 35 is the limit, but it's not true. Those beliefs comes from information gathered way before modern medicine, when a lot of women died in childbirth and the life expectancy was lower due to diseases that are now easily curable. Nowadays the timeframe for when you're able to conceive is a lot longer.

I really get the mental health problem-problem. I've decided not to have children because of this reason, as my kids would probably be autistic, likely depressed and maybe schizofrenic. I might consider adoption at some point. That makes a lot more sense to me than making my own kids.
I would say that if you're aware of the potential problems your child might face, that will make things easier for them right from the beginning. I'm assuming your meltdowns would've been way easier to handle and avoid if the people around you had a better understanding of your situation?
Also, treatments and medicines for mental health problems are getting better all the time, so even if your kids has to face those problems, it will at least be easier on them than it was for you.

Honestly, he is the one who may be too old to have a baby, not you. There's also this misconception that men's age has no effect in their ability to have babies - let alone healthy babies, modern science is proving that it does, big time.

Also it's logistically harder on him, in his age, to be a contributing father, to take care of babies and run with them and teach them all sorts of stuff. Usually humans get weaker and less energetic with age.

When your child is 10, he would be 66, when your child is 18 he would be 74.

So if you're insisting to have a child from him, it's NOW or never, you can't wait few more years.

How badly do you want a baby?

I love my sons more than anything else on earth but if I had my time again I wouldn't have children. Knowing I gave my eldest son autism hurts more than words can convey. It's my fault. I am the reason his life will always be hard. The reason he will always be different. Watching him growing up an outcast, shunned and taunted by other kids hurt both of us. He has said he will never have children. That the genetics will stop with him but his brother is determined to one day be a Father so the gene's will go on. He doesn't autism but he does have ADHD and I suspect there will be a strong possibility for his children to inherit autism.

Having been told my whole life (well, starting at 11) that I'd never have children, I adapted and decided I didn't want them anyway.

Then I had one.

Then I had another one, nine years later.

My boys are my life. I'm not religious, so they're the only immortality I expect to know - and yes, I was worried they'd inherit my little quirks. My husband has amblyopia and the first thing he looked for was whether their eyes tracked together - I think any human worries about inflicting their own imperfections or flaws on their children.

They've driven me completely bats sometimes, but I wouldn't trade them for thirty extra years of life and $30 million.

How is your husband’s health?

If he can’t help too much with raising the kid, the responsibility will fall on you. And it’s a great responsibility.

Your living situation should become more stabilized, too. You can’t keep moving from place to place with a little kid. And moving around is stressful for the parents, too.

I keep wanting a child of my own but I'm scared to have one. I'm scared of getting pregnant because of all the (typical) health problems that go with it, like nausea and sickness, and unpredictable things like bleeding and the worry that you have miscarried, and not knowing what sort of birth you're going to have, like some have to have an emergancy C-section due to complications and all that, and it can be frightening. Also I am so very squeamish, I don't do pain very well.

I read of so many things that can 'cause' the chance of the baby having autism, including anti-anxiety pills or anti-sickness pills, and plus my levels of anxiety might end up causing the unborn baby distress. I know I have an increased chance of passing on AS, ADHD or autism as well, even though my boyfriend's family all seem to be rather successful NTs, but knowing my luck my poor baby will probably get the faulty gene from me.

People often suggest adoption, but I don't know if I'd want to go through with that either. It's not as simple as it sounds, except you miss out on all that painful pregnancy and birth.