Tantrums aren't always caused by wanting a toy

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When people explain about toddler tantrum vs autism meltdowns, they say that toddlers only cry or throw a tantrum if they want a toy they can't have then they stop crying when they are given the toy. While that is a common thing among small children, it's not always what causes a child to have a tantrum.

One time, many years ago, I was out with my mum and aunt and cousin, and the cousin was 2 years old at the time. We were in a busy store and my cousin wanted to get out of his pushchair (stroller) and walk. His mum said no, which made him whine, then start to cry and kick his legs. So his mum let him out the pushchair, but he was still whining and crying as he was walking along, even though he had got what he wanted. He wasn't interested in the things around him, he was just following his mum whining, and when she threatened to put him back into his pushchair he screamed, "no!! ! Walk!! ! Walk!! !" But he was still crying and stamping his feet as we walked around.
And this was typical behaviour from a 2-year-old. I can't remember what happened after that, but I do remember that he was being very awkward.

My cousin is 20 now and is definitely 100% NT.
Sometimes small children continue a tantrum just to be naughty or awkward. Even if you give a child what he said he wants, sometimes once the child is in that "grizzly" mode you can't always get them out of it. Other times tantrums are caused by pain, tiredness or hunger, and small children can even cry because they are feeling anxious or irritable. Maybe the store was big, bright and busy and was too much for him. Or maybe he was bored.

But as I say, tantrums or other similar behaviour don't always stop after they get what they want. That is why toddlers are a pain in the ass.

I have never heard this.

A lot of times, if the kid gets what he/she wants, the tantrum is over.

Other times, the kid continues the tantrum for whatever reason.

Such is life at age 2.

It's caused by lack of ability to communicate. Because grown ups ignore the way the kid is trying to speak or because the kid can't say it all yet or express it in a sophisticated manner.

Sometimes meltdowns are caused by this too. By being ignored because of how we communicate or because nobody's prepared to listen to us.

Mine are caused by a mix of being ignored and unforeseen events and sensory issues.

No wonder kids tantrum. Adults don't listen. Sometimes this is something like 'I want a toy'. Which an adult can argue is selfish but to a child is the most important thing at that moment. And the kid doesn't understand money much, if at all. Sometimes it's caused by something pressing like 'I'm hungry'.

My grandma used to ask everyone, adult or child, NT or aspie (she was NT but this is very blunt lol) 'do you need a poo' when they got a bit grumpy. Weirdly, it often works... Goes to show sometimes it's because basic needs aren't being met.

No wonder autistic adults/teens/kids past tantrum age have meltdowns. The world doesn't listen to us, or our sensory needs would be met. Often times we need someone, and they don't listen. Or we need to be left alone and nobody will leave us alone.

I'm not trying to infantilise autistic adults btw. I am one, obviously. If anything, I'm trying to get rid of the unnecessary dehumanisation we've built around little kids and our perceptions of them.

Totally agree.
My first language does not have a word for "tantrum", nor even the idea of it. Sure, small children cry and show anger over little things but that's because they can't communicate their feelings more sophisticated ways.
Both me and my children have a state of "I cry because I cry". The fact of crying, which often gets you yelled at, puts you into a discomfort that makes it all worse and worse. I remember this from my childhood, I see it in my children. My feelings used to be devaluated, I'm doing my best not to devalue feelings of my children. I can deny their demands but not their feelings.
I think putting a label "tantrum" on child's cries is also a form of devaluing one's feelings... which may likely make it worse.

I agree that tantrums in typically developing children are caused by lack of mature communication skills, while meltdowns in autistic teens and adults are not immature or childish, but due to brain wiring and social/emotional challenges.

Once I watched this video on Facebook about signs of autism in toddlers, and one of the signs was "tantrums". The speaker in the video said something like "all toddlers have tantrums but the difference is in an NT toddler a tantrum is caused by wanting a toy and as soon as the toddler gets the toy he stops the tantrum". And the way he said it made it sound like that's the only reason an NT toddler will throw a tantrum. But I don't believe that. Yes it is a common thing among toddlers to scream and kick their legs if they can't have something they want, but it's not always the case, and they don't always shut up the second they got their own way. Sometimes toddlers cry and scream for very little reason, like just to be naughty. The thing that most toddlers want is attention. A toddler can't understand that the adults are discussing something serious, and so the toddler will whine or cry to get the adults attention drawn to them, but if the adults ignore the toddlers demands the toddler might get worse and play up because he is not getting attention. That is why I often see toddlers of inattentive parents (parents who are always on their phones with their backs turned) crying more in public places than toddlers who's parents are more attentive to their little ones.

Sometimes once a toddler starts a tantrum it is difficult for them to know when to stop. Giving the toddler a toy doesn't always mean the child will immediately stop the tantrum. Sometimes a toddler wants a toy, screams and kicks his legs, is given the toy, and throws the toy because he has gotten himself all frustrated and forgets that it was the toy he wanted in the first place. Typically toddlers have short attention spans.
Also a toddler or a child can scream because of separation anxiety or when falling over and cutting their knee. This isn't always a tantrum, but more of a meltdown. Shock, panic or anxiety can cause a toddler to melt down, autistic or not. As a small child I used to scream when having a panic attack. One time when I was 5 I was dropped off at school late because I had been to a dentist appointment, and seeing no children in the playground made me panic for some reason (maybe because I didn't want to be the last into the classroom), and a teacher took me by the hand. But as my mother left, I screamed, and I thought that the louder I screamed the more the teacher will call my mum back and take me home, because I just felt too anxious to attend school today. If the teacher had of let my mum take me home, I definitely would have stopped screaming and would have been happy.
Does that sound like a tantrum or an autism meltdown?