Letting people like me

Post Reply New Topic

A big hurdle for me in making friends is letting people in and not rejecting them for being fond of me. I'm not very fond of myself so I feel like I've somehow deceived people if they become fond of me. I feel like I'm being disingenuous by not sharing the shittier things I've done in my life.

I know it's ridiculous but I feel like I'm misleading people into liking me by not listing every awful thing I've done. Most of the people in my life think I'm kind and thoughtful and sweet, and it's not like I've killed anyone. But I fixate on stupid or thoughtless things I've done, and I can manage most of the self-loathing impulses that come from those, but then there's the handful of legitimately bad things I've done that I have more trouble moving past.

How do I respect the feelings of the people who are fond of me without divulging every single thing I regret doing?

I think it's letting go of the past. You have to tell yourself that it's okay to screw up in life. It's fine that you did things that you regret. Nobody is perfect.

Just be happy with what people are telling you. People wouldn't call you sweet, kind, and thoughtful if they didn't mean it. The past is the past, you can't change it anything you did has already been done. The important thing is the person that you are now, that's all that matters.

I have this problem too. It just takes a little bit of tact; reveal things gradually, as and when appropriate. It's a little vulgar to reveal EVERYTHING about yourself at the first meeting, though I know this is the fashion today. Just be gradual and tactful.