I don't want to treat this aspie like a little kid
While in the shower today, I got a knock at my door and since my aunt had recently died, I thought maybe some family might be in town. So I wrapped myself in a towel and asked who it was. Sure enough, it was the casual friend on the spectrum who stopped by who I see every once in a while. I told him it was a bad time and that I was in the shower and had other things to do.
"Can I use your bathroom?" I said "No" and got back in the shower and when I was done, I texted him and told him to contact me in advance. He texted me back and said "Please let me in" so I agreed next to deciding to hang out. So I let him in to do his business and them sit down and watch a movie. Yet, when I went to use the bathroom, I came back and had taken all his clothes off. He was also laying on my futon. . I told him to get dressed or get out and he listened.
I do like him but I want to set firm boundaries and let him know his behavior was not appropriate but I don't want to treat him like a little kid. He still lives with his mom and I want to know is it okay to call her?
Meistersinger
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"Can I use your bathroom?" I said "No" and got back in the shower and when I was done, I texted him and told him to contact me in advance. He texted me back and said "Please let me in" so I agreed next to deciding to hang out. So I let him in to do his business and them sit down and watch a movie. Yet, when I went to use the bathroom, I came back and had taken all his clothes off. He was also laying on my futon.
![Shocked 8O](./images/smilies/icon_eek.gif)
I do like him but I want to set firm boundaries and let him know his behavior was not appropriate but I don't want to treat him like a little kid. He still lives with his mom and I want to know is it okay to call her?
With that action, I would not only call her, I would also call the local LEOs and press charges. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR, SPECTRUM OR NOT!! !! !!
"Can I use your bathroom?" I said "No" and got back in the shower and when I was done, I texted him and told him to contact me in advance. He texted me back and said "Please let me in" so I agreed next to deciding to hang out. So I let him in to do his business and them sit down and watch a movie. Yet, when I went to use the bathroom, I came back and had taken all his clothes off. He was also laying on my futon.
![Shocked 8O](./images/smilies/icon_eek.gif)
I do like him but I want to set firm boundaries and let him know his behavior was not appropriate but I don't want to treat him like a little kid. He still lives with his mom and I want to know is it okay to call her?
With that action, I would not only call her, I would also call the local LEOs and press charges. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR, SPECTRUM OR NOT!! ! ! ! !
I don't get the vibes that he wanted to use me for sex or anything but rather, he has an eccentric side along with causing him to be a little too silly.
I did tell him before he left that.
1. The next time I don't answer the door, just leave a note
2. He is welcome to hang out but in group settings with my other friends since he took off all his clothes.
nick007
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Please do not get upset or offended by this but anyways... From what I've read of some of your other posts, it seems you have a hard time setting boundaries & act really passive in situations. I think this is one of those situations where you really NEED to set clear tough boundaries with him or just cut him out as a friend. I suggest you call him mom & if this offends or upsets him, that's his problem & you can just write him off as a friend. If he acts like a little kid, he deserves to be treated like one. I also think maybe it'll help to talk to someone(like a councilor) about how you can set boundaries & not let people walk all over you.
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No, I am quite assertive and set boundaries but I am patient with people but at a certain point, I say "No" like I did with him. When he took off his clothes I said, "Get dressed or get out"
![Confused :?](./images/smilies/icon_confused.gif)
That I don't know but I didn't really get any sex vibes with him but more along the lines of eccentricity as he does have that vibe about him. It was weirder than anything else where I felt like I was in a dream.
I could honestly do nothing but laugh about it after he got dressed which he was completely clueless too.
![Confused :?](./images/smilies/icon_confused.gif)
That I don't know but I didn't really get any sex vibes with him but more along the lines of eccentricity as he does have that vibe about him. It was weirder than anything else where I felt like I was in a dream.
I could honestly do nothing but laugh about it after he got dressed which he was completely clueless too.
He must be very socially inept then. You might have to talk him like a child or invalid, a bit like you have to with people with severe dementia or Altzeimers. It's the only way to get through to them, to tell them in very simple terms.
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![Confused :?](./images/smilies/icon_confused.gif)
That I don't know but I didn't really get any sex vibes with him but more along the lines of eccentricity as he does have that vibe about him. It was weirder than anything else where I felt like I was in a dream.
I could honestly do nothing but laugh about it after he got dressed which he was completely clueless too.
He must be very socially inept then. You might have to talk him like a child or invalid, a bit like you have to with people with severe dementia or Altzeimers. It's the only way to get through to them, to tell them in very simple terms.
He had a listening problem yesterday when he was outside of my door and I went back in the shower hoping he would go away. When I got back out of the shower, I attempted to text him only to learn he was still outside.
"Please let me in." He said he was coming over to "Check on me" which is something he has never done.
I know that if he comes over again and I say, "No" then I will not answer the door and if he is still there, I will call the police.
He did ask me if I was free on Weds but I told him I am busy.
I texted him today and told him that it was not going to work out for us to be friends because of the other. It was
"Ok, I forgive you."
Update:
I just spoke to his mother a little while ago and I explained the situation to her. According to his mom, he has been facing depression and has been going through a mental breakdown. She said before the breakdown, he had a better sense of taking his clothes off. She also said that he has been withdrawing from a lot of other people lately.
I can relate to that. I was in a friendship with someone recently that gave me vibes that for a normal person I would have backed away and said no. I gave him the benefit of doubt even though some things that he said and did were pretty concering.
I tend to be really patient as well with people where others would have given up after a while. Thing is, I relate to things they are doing and what I have done and then ask myself how would I treat myself in that situation.
My point is don't forget about yourself. As much as you may want to keep it going for whatever reason it may be, behavior like taking your clothes off at someone else's house out of the blue is not mentally healthy and I personally would have started keeping my distance.
As much as I try to understand others and be nice even if I don't and rationalize peoples actions because of their circumtances, there has to be a point where I just say "NO!" to that person.
So, if you have a similar issue then I will say this, it's okay to say "NO!", some things just isn't going to work out no matter how hard you try.
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His mom said that before this breakdown, he didn't use to do this and she said that in the last week, his behaviors have been bizarre and this was the first time she had heard of it getting this bad. When we were on the phone he was in denial about it and said, "It's over, don't worry about it."
He said that he was going to come and check on me which is something he hasn't done before and hasn't ever come to my home out of the blue either.
Either way, I agree that it isn't a good idea for me to associate with him because of his mental health issues. Rather, I am going to let him, his mom, sister and other professionals handle it.
Oh absolutely not and if someone comes to my door again and doesn't listen, I will tell them that it's not a good time and I will not answer the door. If they don't listen then I will have to call the police.
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