Genetics

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I think it’s more about how you carry the weight that you do have as well as the percentage of muscle you have compared to fat.

Muscle is denser and, thus, weighs more, so one person could look a lot bigger than someone else at the same weight if that person’s body fat percentage was higher.

The fat/muscle distinction is important, but in my experience it only makes a difference in extreme cases - weightlifters, for instance. But then maybe I'm being naive; I have to admit that I haven't given these questions much thought, my problem being that of needing to put weight on.

Either way, the OP shouldn't be ashamed of her appearance - nor should anybody else here.

Yeah this is correct. In Australia we have rugby players who have the physique like fridges and often you see their parents share similar builds so there is some genetic component in terms how muscle/fat is deposited/develop. Also find there is an intergenerational commonality in physical activity (i.e. boys play rugby) and diet (maybe there's a tradition of lots of "hearty" pot food like roasts and pies etc).

I used fitness pal and that was counting calories. During that year or so I ate consistently over 4000 calories a day and even pushed it to 5000 calories for several months I never really gained any weight. I was eating ALL day long, I would eat like 3 pork roast dinners in a day, 2 smoothies loaded with peanut butter milk, avocado oil, whey, and had stacks of pancakes with bacon maple syrup, fistfuls of high calorie nuts and would cook everything with copious amount of olive oil. I was either cooking, eating, grocery shopping, using the washroom or the 3 to 4 x 1.25 hours of heavy weight lifting a week during that time. I had devoted my life back then to proving others wrong that by showing it was impossible for me to gain weight by eating everything in sight.

Now I only have 2 extra calorie ensures, a carnation instant breakfast, some ice cream or cheese, and say a dish of pasta with some milk to drink in a typical day and I weigh essentially the exact same, mind you I dont exercise anymore. Not like I was doing Michael Phelps level of exercise to make up for the difference. Besides my 3 or 4 workouts a week my life was pretty much sedentary.

I usually am under my maximum calories goal when I use My Fitness Pal. I always feel awkward going out to eat because some people around me are able to eat all of their entree, dessert and an appetizer and I can barely eat past the appetizer. I have a meal plan I follow and leftovers don't always work out for me because I have scheduled meals to eat. I'd rather toss the last 1/4 of a sandwich than go over my calorie limit and end up physically sick.

I think it's a mistake to conflate a person's weight with their health. It's the over-generalisation approach of taking health trends in the population and trying to apply that to an individual.

Someone with a genetic tendency to be larger and heavier can still be healthy, if they eat a nutritious diet and do plenty of exercise. Some slim people have quite unhealthy habits that are doing damage to themselves.

I was even reading a book about menopause that explained how very thin women are likely to suffer more during the menopause, because fat produces oestrogen, which can help offset the reduction in hormones from the ovaries.

I feel fine eating mainly home-cooked meals and exercising a few times a week - and I don't own a set of scales.

I could live off of smoothies, vegetables, fruit, sushi and salads and be fine. I have learned not to buy and hoard excessive food. It wastes money I could spend on more fulfilling things.