Page 4 of 4 [ 63 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4

magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

16 Nov 2019, 4:10 am

Lely wrote:
You say it yourself, it depends on the culture. In poor countries family ties are extremely important, and even with arranged marriages the partners often stay together for life even when it wasn't love that united them or when they can't really stand each other. But that doesn't mean long term monogamy is something that is fixed in our DNA, or that humans are by nature monogamous with only one person for a lifetime. It is a behaviour that depends on factors such as society, laws, upbringing, peer pressure, emotional or financial dependence,... It is a choice (unless forced) not a natural instinct.

Would that mean that if you don't like to be bothered by pressure on looks, a poorer society is better for you? Lol :D
But this is contrary to my observations: in the 1980s, when Poland was extremely poor, all women wore high heels, heavy makeup and they looked like going to an elegant party all the time. The same is still visible in Ukraine. As our economy improved, the fashion relaxed.

Joe: Maybe you have a friend to help you with all the wedding? Someone more willing to listen to you than your mother? Or some other ally?


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

16 Nov 2019, 4:57 am

magz wrote:
Lely wrote:
You say it yourself, it depends on the culture. In poor countries family ties are extremely important, and even with arranged marriages the partners often stay together for life even when it wasn't love that united them or when they can't really stand each other. But that doesn't mean long term monogamy is something that is fixed in our DNA, or that humans are by nature monogamous with only one person for a lifetime. It is a behaviour that depends on factors such as society, laws, upbringing, peer pressure, emotional or financial dependence,... It is a choice (unless forced) not a natural instinct.

Would that mean that if you don't like to be bothered by pressure on looks, a poorer society is better for you? Lol :D
But this is contrary to my observations: in the 1980s, when Poland was extremely poor, all women wore high heels, heavy makeup and they looked like going to an elegant party all the time. The same is still visible in Ukraine. As our economy improved, the fashion relaxed.

Joe: Maybe you have a friend to help you with all the wedding? Someone more willing to listen to you than your mother? Or some other ally?


I'm an Aspie. Having close girly friends that are knowledgeable about weddings are uncommon for us. One of my female friends doesn't even believe in weddings. Most people call it "an expensive piece of paper". But I think it's more than that.


_________________
Female


magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

16 Nov 2019, 9:39 am

Joe90 wrote:
I'm an Aspie. Having close girly friends that are knowledgeable about weddings are uncommon for us.

This is true.
Well, what would you like for your wedding?
Apparently, the traditions of the UK and Poland are not exactly the same but maybe we could figure out how much of the tradition you would be comfortable with and what would be best omitted.


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>


Lely
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 195
Location: Germany

16 Nov 2019, 1:58 pm

magz wrote:
Lely wrote:
You say it yourself, it depends on the culture. In poor countries family ties are extremely important, and even with arranged marriages the partners often stay together for life even when it wasn't love that united them or when they can't really stand each other. But that doesn't mean long term monogamy is something that is fixed in our DNA, or that humans are by nature monogamous with only one person for a lifetime. It is a behaviour that depends on factors such as society, laws, upbringing, peer pressure, emotional or financial dependence,... It is a choice (unless forced) not a natural instinct.

Would that mean that if you don't like to be bothered by pressure on looks, a poorer society is better for you? Lol :D
But this is contrary to my observations: in the 1980s, when Poland was extremely poor, all women wore high heels, heavy makeup and they looked like going to an elegant party all the time. The same is still visible in Ukraine. As our economy improved, the fashion relaxed.

Joe: Maybe you have a friend to help you with all the wedding? Someone more willing to listen to you than your mother? Or some other ally?

No. The long term partner doesn't eliminate her instinct to want to be found attractive (even if not by him).
It doesn't matter if the society is rich or poor, in any society men place more value on women's beauty than women place on men's beauty. Men are expected to demonstrate qualities that women are not expected to show to the same amount and vice versa. Both men and women want to appear as attractive as possible to find the best mate. In reality an average woman with or without makeup gets an average man. But still I believe man and woman try to attract each other and that instinctively she tries to appear as beautiful as possible, to get the best she can get. A man will be more attrscted to beauty than to money or intelligence, on average. Men also try to impress women with their qualities. Both genders are attracted to different qualities, so women will enhance their beauty more than men, using the method of beauty enhancement that is popular in their society, for example makeup.

I dont think in any society men and women will ever be expected to demonstrate exactly the same qualities, because men and women are different and in addition value each other's qualities differently.



Amity
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,714
Location: Meandering

16 Nov 2019, 4:02 pm


Is this what you are talking about Lely?

I can see beauty's role in attracting attention, but not as a basis for a meaningful long term relationship. Maybe for the lust or the limerance type of relationship.
I mean surely we, (to borrow a term from Mr Kortie) transcend the initial hook that caught our eye as love for another person grows?
Isn't love based on the physical appearance conditional and transient?



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

16 Nov 2019, 4:12 pm

That Venus in the magnifying glass looks like a sculpture that was created about 20,000 BC.



magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

16 Nov 2019, 4:14 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
That Venus in the magnifying glass looks like a sculpture that was created about 20,000 BC.

It's Venus of Willendorf, dated 30 000 BC.
Image


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

16 Nov 2019, 4:19 pm

I was going to say 27,000 BC...but, I just wasn’t sure.



magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

16 Nov 2019, 4:22 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I was going to say 27,000 BC...but, I just wasn’t sure.

That is quite close to current estimates.
The uncertiainity is of several thousand years.


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

17 Nov 2019, 4:55 am

∆ ∆ ∆
Please stay on topic or start a new thread about Venus of Willendorf elsewhere.



magz wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I'm an Aspie. Having close girly friends that are knowledgeable about weddings are uncommon for us.

This is true.
Well, what would you like for your wedding?
Apparently, the traditions of the UK and Poland are not exactly the same but maybe we could figure out how much of the tradition you would be comfortable with and what would be best omitted.


I want to get married in the easiest possible way, at a registry office, with my parents and his daughters (he doesn't have parents any more) to witness. No fuss, no extra cost, no pressure.


_________________
Female


magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

17 Nov 2019, 5:00 am

Joe90 wrote:
I want to get married in the easiest possible way, at a registry office, with my parents and his daughters (he doesn't have parents any more) to witness. No fuss, no extra cost, no pressure.

1. Does your boyfriend agree with this?
2. Were you able to tell it to your parents?


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

17 Nov 2019, 5:16 am

magz wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I want to get married in the easiest possible way, at a registry office, with my parents and his daughters (he doesn't have parents any more) to witness. No fuss, no extra cost, no pressure.

1. Does your boyfriend agree with this?
2. Were you able to tell it to your parents?


He will agree to it as he says he doesn't mind how we get married.
I did tell it to my mum. She agrees, as she hates weddings. So do I.


_________________
Female


magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,283
Location: Poland

17 Nov 2019, 5:26 am

Joe90 wrote:
magz wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I want to get married in the easiest possible way, at a registry office, with my parents and his daughters (he doesn't have parents any more) to witness. No fuss, no extra cost, no pressure.

1. Does your boyfriend agree with this?
2. Were you able to tell it to your parents?

He will agree to it as he says he doesn't mind how we get married.
I did tell it to my mum. She agrees, as she hates weddings. So do I.

So why not just do it?
She may need some time to get used to the idea but it seems you agree.


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

17 Nov 2019, 5:31 am

magz wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
magz wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I want to get married in the easiest possible way, at a registry office, with my parents and his daughters (he doesn't have parents any more) to witness. No fuss, no extra cost, no pressure.

1. Does your boyfriend agree with this?
2. Were you able to tell it to your parents?

He will agree to it as he says he doesn't mind how we get married.
I did tell it to my mum. She agrees, as she hates weddings. So do I.

So why not just do it?
She may need some time to get used to the idea but it seems you agree.


I will. I find organising a big wedding a big project and I just don't have the money. I have trouble planning things ahead, due to my ADHD. I just want things to happen quickly and easily. If my boyfriend wanted a big fuss for a wedding then fair enough, we would organise it together, but because he doesn't seem too bothered about big weddings then that's fine, I don't want to have to do all the thinking. He DOES want to get married though, as he's the one who proposed.


_________________
Female


Teach51
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,808
Location: Where angels do not fear to tread.

17 Nov 2019, 7:14 am

I have been to many lovely weddings where the couple wanted a modest relaxed wedding.
They had a nice ceremony at a registry office and a small reception for those people who cared about them. Some brides wore make up some not. Less expensive and much less pressure.


_________________
My best will just have to be good enough.