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Would you pay for a social coach?

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CockneyRebel
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05 Jan 2010, 12:33 am

I've pretty much figured that stuff on my own, from the age of 10. I've learned that I was making a lot of mistakes and I've corrected them. Stuff like going on about my special interests and staying on topic.


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Billw1628
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03 Feb 2014, 7:02 pm

I would not pay for a random person to be my social coach. Since there is no certification process necessarily, it means that any average Joe can be one. However, if I find someone who has an ICF certification and/or has training to be an allied health professional before, then I will be more than inclined to pay their price (as long as it is not over $125 per hour).

Meanwhile, maybe because of my professional background, I won't pay for anyone that says they have a specific program that targets this area. I say that because each of us are unique. So, our needs are also unique. Therefore, I believe that a good coach should be able to customize a program that will fit the needs of each person, rather than a one-size-fit-all hat. After all, I believe a good coach should be client and family centered (if family is involved).



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03 Feb 2014, 7:54 pm

racooneyes wrote:
Willard wrote:
Other things, like picking up on body language cues and empathizing what other people might be thinking or feeling without being directly told - we miss those things because of an organic neurological deficiency and no amount of 'coaching' is going to give you an ability you were born lacking the appropriate neurons for.



Simply not true. Complete fallacy in fact, a damaging one for any impressionable types reading. There's a system of body language, it's pretty simple and we can learn it. Reading a book on body language, one with a bibliography and scientific references will teach you things you'd be surprised about I guarentee it. How you would suddenly forget what you've read because you're autistic I don't know? We may have a nearological difference but we still have a memory and a visual cortex don't we?


I can recognize a lot of body language and facial expressions if I was to see a picture of someone....or if I am watching a movie I can pick up on the body language. However in a social interaction, its as if my mind does not have the capacity to indulge in conversation as well as process all those things. No amount of reading about facial expressions and body language is going to give my brain the ability to process that while trying to socialize.

Or like eye contact I know what it is, and even what proper eye contact would more or less look like...but I still can't do it.


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Billw1628
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03 Feb 2014, 8:26 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
racooneyes wrote:
Willard wrote:
Other things, like picking up on body language cues and empathizing what other people might be thinking or feeling without being directly told - we miss those things because of an organic neurological deficiency and no amount of 'coaching' is going to give you an ability you were born lacking the appropriate neurons for.



Simply not true. Complete fallacy in fact, a damaging one for any impressionable types reading. There's a system of body language, it's pretty simple and we can learn it. Reading a book on body language, one with a bibliography and scientific references will teach you things you'd be surprised about I guarentee it. How you would suddenly forget what you've read because you're autistic I don't know? We may have a nearological difference but we still have a memory and a visual cortex don't we?


I can recognize a lot of body language and facial expressions if I was to see a picture of someone....or if I am watching a movie I can pick up on the body language. However in a social interaction, its as if my mind does not have the capacity to indulge in conversation as well as process all those things. No amount of reading about facial expressions and body language is going to give my brain the ability to process that while trying to socialize.

Or like eye contact I know what it is, and even what proper eye contact would more or less look like...but I still can't do it.


My way to combat that is to use my ears more while using whatever eye contact I can make to analyze what a person might feel. The things I listen for are the words spoken and the affect, and whether they are out of the norm (especially if I know someone really well). If they don't seem to match up, then I will ask what is going on.



FletcherArrow
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27 Oct 2019, 10:07 am

Oregon wrote:
If a social coach could guarantee their work, I would be willing to pay.

I have read countless books on how to relate to people and fit into society. I have gone to classes, paid for videos, took acting lessons, toastmasters, etc...

AND I STILL DON"T GET IT!!

I am great for the first few minutes in a social setting.. but then it stalls out. I can give a 30 min presentation in front of 100s of people, but cannot carry on a conversation for more than 10 min. without feeling awkward.

My past experiences have taught me.. my mind just works differently and I have not figured out 'common ground' between myself and others.

If I pretend to be a character, I can carry on a conversation longer. Because I think of it as "how would this person I am playing act or what would they say", but that rarely last more than an hour or two before I bomb.

I fear if If I had a social coach, all they could do is to train me to react to them in a scripted environment.



Big deal... So you learn how to deal with NT people in a scripted way. What's so bad about that? What is it you are looking for anyway? To be changed into an NT?



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27 Oct 2019, 11:01 pm

No. Paying a social coach sounds like a scam to me. If you are an quiet introvert with Autism/Aspergers, you are never ever going to become a more outgoing extrovert.



FletcherArrow
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10 Nov 2019, 12:42 pm

Willard wrote:
IMHO Aspergians pick up most common social skills a bit more slowly than the neurotypical, but they do learn them over time without anything so drastic and silly as a 'Social Skills Coach". That level of socializing you can learn from reading novels and watching television and it doesn't cost you anything.

Other things, like picking up on body language cues and empathizing what other people might be thinking or feeling without being directly told - we miss those things because of an organic neurological deficiency and no amount of 'coaching' is going to give you an ability you were born lacking the appropriate neurons for.

For example, my last job involved dealing with a lot of walk-in customers. I don't have much trouble with customers in general, it's somewhat stressful, but as long as the pressure's pretty lax, I can handle it fine. But the owners of this shop expected a high-pressure hardsell - grab 'em as they walk in the door and don't let up until they spend some cash. That I cannot do. In fact, that kind of pressure to think and socialize on my feet leaves me unable to talk at all, which only made things worse. I would find myself forced to step up to strangers as they came in the door, try to maintain some sort of eye contact, which of course made them expect that I was about to speak to them, only...I couldn't. And with my bosses standing a few feet behind me waiting for me to make like a used car salesman. I knew what I was expected to do, but no amount of training would have made it any more possible for me to have done it.

Personally, I think anyone who took your money claiming they could 'coach you' into overcoming autistic issues like that would simply be taking advantage of your naivete to rip you off.


NONSENSE. A social skills coach is a great idea! What the coach is doing is teaching you skills that you did not acquire on your own. It is no different than a guitar teacher who teaches you a specific set of skills.

I wish I could have found a social skills coach when I was younger.



shortfatbalduglyman
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10 Nov 2019, 1:09 pm

Never heard of it before

If I had cash , might pay

If that particular one was worth the price



lease29
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02 Jan 2020, 6:38 am

Haven't heard of a social coach. I probably wouldn't pay for one don't think they have them here in New Zealand.



JustFoundHere
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02 Jan 2020, 4:36 pm

Not to get too much into semantics, the term 'social-coach' (and the notions of paying for a social coach) tend to bring negative connotations- that is someone with a formal title of 'social-coach' seems like someone who is not sufficiently experienced with High Functioning Autism (HFA), hence such a coach might become too demanding (in short, an unsuccessful approach).

Again, not to get into semantics too much, the (LINK) to a discussion thread on 'platonic versions of matchmakers' (just over 20 posts as of this writing) advocates more or less informal (even original, out-of-the-box) approaches to develop, and maintain friendships.

After all, HFAs in successful friendships most often happen by chance and accident - this is not good enough! Yet, having formal 'social coaches' in the loop may be the worst of all!

LINK: viewtopic.php?t=381925



Spunhead13
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22 Jan 2020, 11:35 pm

If the social coach had a well trained, medical background, kind of like a councillor or therapist I would pay for that. But I wouldn't nessissarry want them to join me on social outings. That would be weird. Like an old fashioned chaperone.

But I would gladly learn more about interacting with other humans.

I've done the best I could through watching movies and reading books. And if that could be supplimented with knowledge from a trained professional, with knowledge of ASD. I think it would be worth it.

But if it was like a "life coach" where they take some random online course then claim to be able to help you. Then I think that is total bull poop.