Behavior issues...expecting a new baby in 4 weeks

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I'd like to hear your thoughts on how to deal with this issue...

My almost 7 year old aspie daughter has had a really good year. She's made a lot of progress in school, has a few children at school that she is at least sort of interacting with, and has become very pleasant to have around the house. Well, that is until the last 2 weeks.

All of a sudden it's like she's regressed 4 years! She's getting into trouble at school....for sudden outbursts, interrupting the teacher, refusing to do her work, invading everyone's space, and even got in trouble for hitting another child last week, which she hasn't done in over a year. At home she's a wild woman all of a sudden...jumping on the furniture, throwing things and breaking them on purpose, being very disobedient and arguing about EVERYTHING. I'm absolutely dumbfounded by this sudden change! A lot of the behavior is just a repeat of things that we saw when she was 3-4 years old like dumping full bottles of shampoo and conditioner into her bath, cutting up special/important items (like her weighted lap pad), drawing on furniture, etc. Stuff I thought we were done with LONG AGO.

I have a feeling that all of this is being brought on by the fact that we are just weeks away from having a baby brother. I waited until she was 6 to get pregnant again because all my attention has been so focused on getting her functioning. I honestly had given up the idea of having a 2nd child for a long time because I didn't think we could handle her and another. But she's been doing so well that I thought it was a good time and she had actually started asking if she could have a sibling. Now I'm 8 months pregnant and wondering if I made a mistake, but it's a little late to stop it now:) I'm just at such a loss about what to do. I hate the idea of punishing her for having feelings she can't express and doesn't know how to deal with. But at the same time I feel like I need to be strict and make it very clear to her that this behavior is not ok. I know from experience that she figures out very quickly what she can and can't get away with, and since her behavior is so tied to the direct consequence to her and not to some kind of morality or concern for others, I'm concerned that if I lighten up and give her extra leeway we will permanently take a big leap backwards and erase all the progress that we've made.

Any ideas or similar experiences with aspies adjusting to a new sibling?

Well, its been a long time since I was 7, but I get the impression that she 's attempting to provoke confrontation because there's something bothering her that she's having a difficult time expressing aloud. And by difficult time expressing, I'm not talking language skills, I mean difficult time spitting out for fear of being judged or disliked for feeling that way.

I couldn't guess whether it has anything to do with the coming baby, that may have nothing to do with it at all. Or it could be that she's had second thoughts and now has fears about her place in the hierarchy with a new child in the mix and feels she'll disappoint you if she says so. Might as easily be something's changed at school she's uncomfortable with. Has something happened to disrupt an established and comforting routine?

I can only extrapolate and surmise based on similarities to my own behaviors and reactions as an Autistic adult. Hope that's helpful.

Its a tough time to have to play detective, but that is what you'll have to do. Because of the immediacy of the changing situation, I think you have no choice to stay tough on anything that amounts to a safety issue, but to help keep things clear I would focus ONLY on the safety issues, as far as consequences go. In the short term, at least.

Even if the root isn't the upcoming birth, it is probably playing some sort of part, so you may as well start there.

My son was much younger when his sister was born but he definitely did regress around that time and for a while after. As much as he had wanted his sister, he had had no idea what it was going to be like and, face it, if anything is going to fail to meet a child's expectations, it is what occurs with the birth a sibling. It isn't going to fit their vision, it can't, and we all know how AS kids are when things don't fit their visions.

She'll get through this and you will as well, but it will take patience, a strong effort to give your daughter extra attention, a lot of listening without judgment, and patience.

Deleting the post. Magz kindly pointed out that the thread is 10 years old. Thanks.

Look at dates, Aspie1.
Whatever happened next, she's 17yo now.