Niece with strange behavior

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Please help if you have some insight. My niece who is 18 yrs old dates people but with intent of a serious relationship but some of these young men are not very kind to her. She never mentions how unkind they are until they break up "with her".
So, in other words, rotten treatment seems to be okay with her provided they don't break up with her but she won't break up with them. Any ideas?? This is REALLY troubling me. I see it as sick. I want to get her therapy but if I can help her with this myself, I'm willing to do it but I don't know where to start. I know a lot of people who are in therapy and it seems that these therapists are just taking their money. Why would a young lady accept rotten treatment just to hold on to a guy? This is horrific. I'm uglier than a sack of rotten potatoes but I would NEVER put up with what she puts with.

If she's putting up with behaviour like you're describing, I'd imagine it's either because she's lonely and she doesn't believe she can do any better with partners, or she's not assertive enough to stand up for herself.

If it's the latter, assertiveness training of some sort, or maybe therapy would be the way to go. If it's the former, the objective would probably be to get her meeting better quality guys that she could date.

In any case, to address the problem adequately, it would seem to me that you first need to figure out why she's putting up with that behaviour.

I know it is a cliché at this point, but did she get along well with her parents?

Usually, you find that teens tend to move from one relationship to another fairly quickly as they're still discovering and figuring out themselves and what they're looking for. What's worrying is that she's accepting this bad treatment, and it's the guys who are ending the relationship. Sounds like she could do with some guidance. Self esteem sounds an issue. Peer pressure might mean she's more accepting than she should be, maybe as she views being in a relationship more valuable that the quality of the guy she's with. This is bad news for her future, more serious relationships, so she really needs to be guided here(by you, if her parents, older family members aren't able or willing to help guide her. I was married by 19, and my mother married at 17, and so many of us don't confide in our parents etc when relationships aren't what they should be, in order to be healthy for us. Your niece is very fortunate to have you, someone who clearly cares.

As her Aunt, you can gently guide her toward a healthier mindset... the following is from an online Teen Relationship article found here ... https://www.enkirelations.com/teenage-relationship-problems.html
Respect is a key component of any romantic relationship. Both parties should value each other’s opinions and boundaries. Teenage relationship problems come up when one disrespects the other in a relationship. It is important to speak out whenever you feel uncomfortable or disrespected. If he or she is not ready to listen, it is better to end the relationship and move on in pursuit of someone that respects you.

If she never mentions how unkind they are, it could be anything from refusing to accept the "my way" option in her "my way or the highway" ultimatums to something as serious as death threats and sexual assault. Most likely, it is somewhere in between -- simple disagreements or priority conflicts.

Give her time. Eventually she will grow up and realize men were not placed on this Earth to be remade into her image.

You may wish to start with a question as to how she views past relationships. She might not see their behavior as "horrific".

If she does view their behavior as horrific, then the question becomes why she endures the horrific. It might be that she does not want to feel guilty for "ending it'. It may be that she feels that things will improve. It may be that she is more apprehensive about being alone.

To be helpful, you have to work within the realm of her perceptions.

Thanks everyone

The young men in question may not be after a serious relationship. How is she meeting them? The pub or a nightclub isn't usually the place to start a long term relationship. It sounds like she may believe she isn't worth that much as a person and that's why she is accepting mistreatment. I think we all accept rotten treatment from people sometimes just to gain something we think we need even if it means selling your dignity. Most people have stayed in horrible jobs for one reason or another.