Which of these two scenarios for my story sounds better?

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ironpony
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22 Apr 2020, 7:16 pm

I feel there are two ways I can write this scenario.

In the plot, a gang of villains want to recruit a new member, and in order to do that they give the new member a test. He has to kill someone to get in. They give him a bullet loaded with a dummy round, an round that will not fire, and have him pull the trigger in a kidnapped hostage.

Now the new recruit fails to pull the trigger, and gets scared that they will now consider him a liability. He finds out that the gun is empty but he runs and a chase ensues. A cop, the main character who is on patrol, spots this, and calls for back up. 

Or I can write it so that the main character cop picks up on something suspicious long before a chase ensues, such as when the gang goes to meet the new recruit, they search him for a gun or a wire, and the cop sees this from far away while on patrol and then decides to discreetly follow them back to where the test will take place. 

The main cop cannot be allowed to recognize the new recruit though, since the new recruit is a cop he knows, but a crooked cop. But I don't want the MC to know it's him. So he would have to see the weapon and wire search from far away, but not see that it's him.

Does one way of writing it sound better than the other?



Borromeo
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22 Apr 2020, 8:17 pm

Work in elements of both? I really liked the first one. The second one could (with more details) prove to be quite dramatic & wonderful.


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ironpony
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22 Apr 2020, 8:22 pm

Oh okay thanks. What was it about the first one you like more?



Borromeo
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22 Apr 2020, 10:45 pm

Honestly because it seemed simple, but effective.

If the new recruit goes in to shoot the hostage but they see him not shoot, he'd be in trouble; they might try to shoot him and of course his pistol doesn't work because of the dummy round. This would make a pretty neat scenario for a chase scene having to get out of that--you could have him grab another fire-arm or cartridges from a table as he is running, they come after him thinking his gun is empty; he is loading it and shoots, injuring one of them, and the chase is on in deadly earnest.


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ironpony
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22 Apr 2020, 10:52 pm

Borromeo wrote:
Honestly because it seemed simple, but effective.

If the new recruit goes in to shoot the hostage but they see him not shoot, he'd be in trouble; they might try to shoot him and of course his pistol doesn't work because of the dummy round. This would make a pretty neat scenario for a chase scene having to get out of that--you could have him grab another fire-arm or cartridges from a table as he is running, they come after him thinking his gun is empty; he is loading it and shoots, injuring one of them, and the chase is on in deadly earnest.


Oh okay, thanks. But what you described with the recruit not being able to shoot, happens in both scenarios though. That part is the same, just the way the cop discovers it, is different. So what makes the first one better, if what you described, happens in the second one as well?



Fnord
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23 Apr 2020, 8:23 am

@ Ironpony: Didn't you already start another thread on a similar topic about a month ago?

Why not just 'bump' the earlier thread?