HELP! Dealing with a father with ADHD

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Hi Everyone! My elderly dad has been living with me and my husband for the past 5 months due to COVID, and I've held it together pretty well but I'm starting to unravel as his negative attitude towards EVERYTHING and constant nagging and TALKING SUPER LOUD ALL THE TIME and wanting to know EVERYTHING going on in my husband and my conversations. I'm starting to lose it.

HOW DO I DEAL ?! Someone help!! ! I get so overwhelmed when he starts screaming I've already covered my ears and screamed TWICE. I scared my poor husband. I'm REALLY TRYING not to have a meltdown, but it's SO INCREDIBLY HARD and now as I'm an only child, he has to live with us permanently!! ! We are moving to a new state, and this whole move has everyone stressed out and he's just making everything worse and I'm literally about to SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT and let it all out.

My meltdowns happen when TOO MUCH is going on around me, too many people talking, especially about certain touchy subjects, or my parents arguing about me, or just people talking really loud, and really fast. How do you deal with this?!

PLEASE HELP!

I wish I could help you... what you describe is a lot like my mother in law, she needs to talk everything out of her and I quickly get overwhelmed... but being stuck with a person like that for months would knock me out.
Do you have any mental hobby that would help you distance from the reality to survive? Reading, gardening, listening to music, making art, anything that would be able to keep your focus?

Hi, I can see how this would be very trying, indeed! And that’s just the half of it!

Okay, try to get your husband on board and to see at least half a hint of your frustration.

And your husband might even say, “[Dad], we got it.” Or . . . “[Dad], we’ve got to take the good with the bad.” Kind it like trying to matter-of-factly coach up a not very helpful athlete.

For complex things such as pertaining to the move, maybe a short written list shared by everyone. Don’t overdo this one, or your dad will likely take offense as if he’s being treated as a child.

And, is it practical for you and your husband to take walks or drives by yourselves?

Your body is telling you what to do.

Stress energy is actually chemical in nature. It is a cascade of hormones that shoot through you body's nervous system and muscles and unless vented, this energy is stored and accumulates. Eventually this will throw you body into a state of distress (such as melt downs). So it needs to be vented.

In general, this stress energy is stored in 6 places in your body. These are your two limbs, your two legs, your neck and your core. So if you desire to scream, then your body is telling you that your stress energy in your neck needs to be vented.

So how do you do this? It is really rather simple.

One needs to vent the stored stress energy in their neck muscles, vocal cords, and jaw. The best way is to scream at the top of your lungs several times. But this must be done in a socially acceptable manner. Never scream at a person. I live in the rural countryside and my dog is a free-range dog. When it is mealtime and my dog is up and about; I call my dog very loudly.

R-o-c-k-y. Come here puppy. R-o-c-k-y.
R-o-c-k-y. Where are you puppy? R-o-c-k-y.
R-o-c-k-y. Come here puppy.

I yell so loud that I can hear my voice being echoed back to me from nearby hills and mountains. My voice carries about a mile. The call is so strong that it borders on a roar. It is a very good feeling. It gives me a sense of great strength, like I could split a mountain in two just with my voice alone. I feel strong to my core. It is a great stress reliever or normalizer. And it is socially acceptable in the countryside.

One might try howling like a wolf at the moon. There is an individual in New York City on this website that howls at the subway cars as they pass by deep down in the subway stations. But there are other ways to scream in a socially acceptable manner. A singer can do this if it is a very powerful song. A barker in the county fair can do this. A fan at a rock concert can sing along at the top of their lungs. Some commuters sing along to the tune on the radio at the top of their lungs while they are driving down the road. A spectator at a sports event can do this in cheering on their team. Even a Girl Scout can practice barking in front of the local grocery store when she sells Girl Scout cookies. Or find yourself a soundproof room.

One other comment.

The fact that your elderly dad is TALKING SUPER LOUD ALL THE TIME, generally is a sign that his hearing is failing.

You might also consider wearing a noise canceling headset. It will help to keep your sensitivity to loud noises down.