What Monty Python Character Are You?

Post Reply New Topic

The People's Front
You scored 79 Stubborn, 70 Crazy, 25 Agressive, and 46 Evil!


Apperance: Life of Brian

The People's Front of Judea.

High Light:

Inalienable Rights.

(A huge Roman amphitheatre, sparsely attended. REG, FRANCIS, STAN and JUDITH are seated in the stands. They speak conspiratorially.)
Judith: Any Anti-Imperialist group like ours must *reflect* such a divergence of interests within its power-base.
Reg: Agreed. (General nodding.) Francis?
Francis: I think Judith's point of view is valid here, Reg, provided the Movement never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man--
Stan: Or woman.
Francis: Or woman...to rid himself--
Stan: Or herself.
Reg: Or herself. Agreed. Thank you, brother.
Stan: Or sister.
Francis: Thank you, brother. Or sister. Where was I?
Reg: I thought you'd finished.
Francis: Oh, did I? Right.
Reg: Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man ...
Stan: Or woman.
Reg: Why don't you shut up about women, Stan, you're putting us off.
Stan: Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.
Francis: Why are you always on about women, Stan?
Stan: (pause) I want to be one.

(pregnant pause)

Reg: What?
Stan: I want to be a woman. From now on I want you all to call me Loretta.
Reg: What!?
Stan: It's my right as a man.
Judith: Why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?
Stan: I want to have babies.
Reg: You want to have babies?!?!?!
Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg: But you can't have babies.
Stan: Don't you oppress me.
Reg: I'm not oppressing you, Stan -- you haven't got a womb. Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box? (Stan starts crying.)
Judith: Here! I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans', but that he can have the *right* to have babies. Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister, sorry.
Reg: (pissed) What's the *point*?
Francis: What?
Reg: What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can't have babies?
Francis: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
Reg: It's symbolic of his struggle against reality.




Hah!
That's my favorite Monty Python quote!
"It's symbolic of his struggle against reality."
Classic.

Ximinez!

S 69

C 59

A 31

E 58

furthermore, no one expects me!

Your Score: Ben
You scored 55 Stubborn, 50 Crazy, 61 Agressive, and 51 Evil!



Apperance: Life of Brian

Somehow still functioning.

High Light:

The Jail scene

(BRIAN wakes up with a smile on his face to find himself being dragged along a cell corridor by TWO GUARDS. The horrible figure of the JAILER spits at him and flings him into a dark damp cell, slamming the iron grate behind him and turning the key hollowly in the lock. BRIAN slumps to the floor. A voice comes out of the darkness behind him.)

BEN: You LUCKY bastard!
BRIAN: (spins around and peers into the gloom): Who's that?

(In the darkness BRIAN just makes out an emaciated figure, suspended on the wall, with his feet off the ground, by chains round his wrists. This is BEN.)

BEN: You lucky, lucky bastard.
BRIAN: What?
BEN: (with great bitterness): Proper little gaoler's pet, aren't we?
BRIAN: (ruffled) What do you mean?
BEN: You must have slipped him a few shekels, eh?
BRIAN: Slipped him a few shekels!? You saw him spit in my face!
BEN: Ohh! What wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face! I sometimes hang awake at nights dreaming of being spat in the face.
BRIAN: Well, it's not exactly friendly, is it? They had me in manacles ...
BEN: Manacles! Oooh.... (his eyes go quite dreamy) My idea of heaven is to be allowed to be put in manacles ... just for a few hours. They must think the sun shines out of your arse, sonny!
BRIAN: Listen! They beat me up before they threw me in here.
BEN: Oh yeah? The only day they don't beat me up is on my birthday.
BRIAN: Oh shut up.
BEN: Well, your type makes me sick! You come in here, you get treated like Royalty, and everyone outside thinks you're a bloody martyr.
BRIAN: Oh, lay off me ... I've had a hard time!
BEN: YOU'VE had a hard time! Listen, sonny! I've been here five years and they only hung me the right way up yesterday!
BRIAN: All right! All right!
BEN: I just wish I had half your luck. They must think you're Lord God Almighty!
BRIAN: What'll they do to me?
BEN: Oh, you'll probably get away with crucifixion.
BRIAN: Crucifixion!
BEN: Yeah, first offense.
BRIAN: Get away with crucifixion!
BEN: Best thing the Romans ever did for us.
BRIAN: (incredulous) What?
BEN: Oh yeah. If we didn't have crucifixion this country would be in a right bloody mess I tell you.
BRIAN: (who can stand it no longer) Guard!
BEN: Nail 'em up I say!
BRIAN: (dragging himself over to the door) Guard!
BEN: Nail some sense into them!
GUARD: (looking through the bars) What d'you want?
BRIAN: I want to be moved to another cell.

(GUARD spits in his face.)

BRIAN: Oh! (he recoils in helpless disgust)
BEN: Oh ... look at that! Bloody favouritism!
GUARD: Shut up, you!
BEN: Sorry! Sorry! (he lowers his voice) Now take my case. I've been here five years, and every night they take me down for ten minutes, then they hang me up again ... which I regard as very fair ... in view of what I done ... and if nothing else, it's taught me to respect the Romans, and it's taught me that you'll never get anywhere in life unless you're prepared to do a fair day's work for a fair day's pay ...
BRIAN: Oh ... Shut up!

(CENTURION approaches cell door with two soldiers, starts unlocking door)

CENT: Pilate wants to see you.
BRIAN: Me?
CENT: Come on.
BRIAN: Pilate? What does he want to see me for? CENT: I think he wants to know which way up you want to be crucified. (He laughs. The TWO SOLDIERS smirk. BEN laughs uproariously.) BEN: ... Nice one, centurion. Like it, like it.
CENT (to BEN): Shut up! (BRIAN is hustled out. The door slams.)
BEN: (to himself): Terrific race the Romans ... terrific.

I got Prince Herbert from The Holy Grail.

The Knight of Ni


You scored 88 Stubborn, 77 Crazy, 77 Agressive, and 77 Evil!

[calandale is eviler than me?] I think the Knights of Ni are chaotic neutral; always have.

If I had to pick myself, I'd be Matthias from The Life of Brian.

OFFICIAL: You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the name of our Lord, and so, as a blasphemer, you are to be stoned to death.

MATTHIAS: Look. I-- I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, 'That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.'

OFFICIAL: Blasphemy! He's said it again!

MATTHIAS: Look. I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying 'Jehovah'.

OFFICIAL: You're only making it worse for yourself!

MATTHIAS: Making it worse?! How could it be worse?! Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah! (dancing)

I like his attitude.

Good fortune,

- Icarus the Shrubber

Your Score: The Mother Of BrianYou scored 34 Stubborn, 31 Crazy, 36 Agressive, and 60 Evil!


Apperance: Life of Brian

Nasty woman in the middle.

High Light:

The Leper Scene.

Leper I: A fish, sir?
Leper II: Alms for a leper!
Leper III: Alms for a leper!
Ex-leper: Alms for an ex-leper! Bloody donkey-owners, all the same, ain't they? Never have any change. Oh, here they... touch! Spare a talent for an old ex-leper!
Mother: Buzz off!
Ex-leper: Spare a talent for an old ex-leper!
Mother: A talent? That's more than he earns in a month!
Ex-leper: Half a talent then?
Mother: No, get away!
Ex-leper: Come on Bignose, let's haggle!
Brian: What?
Ex-leper: All right, cut the haggling, let's say you open at one shekel, I start at 2000, we close at about 1800.
Brian: No.
Ex-leper: 1750?
Mother: Go away!
Ex-leper: 1740?
Mother: Look, will you leave him alone!
Ex-leper: All right. Two shekels, just two. Isn't this fun, eh?
Mother: Look, he is not giving you any money, so piss off!
Ex-leper: All right sir, my final offer, half a shekel for an old ex-leper?
Brian: Did you say ex-leper?
Ex-leper: That's right, sir. Sixteen years behind a bell and fradock, sir.
Brian: Oh...what happened?
Ex-leper: I was cured, sir.
Brian: Cured?
Ex-leper: Yes, a bloody miracle, sir. God bless you!
Brian: Oh, who cured you?
Ex-leper: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden up he comes, cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute I'm alive and newsgone. Not so much as a bye or league! "You're cured, mate". Bloody do-gooder.
Brian: Tough. Why don't you go and tell him that you want to be a leper again?
Ex-leper: Aah, I could do that sir, yeah. Yeah, I could do that, I suppose. Well, what the thing was I was going to ask him if he'd make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something peckable but not leprosy, which is a pain in the ass, to be blunt despute my French servant.
Mother: Brian! Come and clean your room out!
Brian: Here you are.
Ex-leper: Thank you, sir. Than...half a dinare for me bloody life story?
Brian: There's no pleasing some people.
Ex-leper: That's just what Jesus said, sir!
Door being kicked in by mother:: [Bladonk]


My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Stubborn

You scored higher than 99% on Crazy

You scored higher than 99% on Agressive

You scored higher than 99% on Evil