ASD Parent: How is your relationship with your child(dren)

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NT, here...Happily married to my beloved (yet undiagnosed Aspie) husband...He has two children from prior relationships...His teenage son is already 18; while his daughter is only 12...They both live with their respective mothers in the Caribbean-- my husband's place of origin...My husband supports both of them financially and in every other way since they were small...In recent times, his teenage son has been acting-out in ways characteristic to teenagers...And i have noticed that my beloved (Aspie) husband is somewhat distant from his teenage son...With respect to his daughter, she is his pride and joy ...My beloved (Aspie) husband communicates with her daily...And they have a very special bond...I dream of the day she is old enough to come to the States to live with us...

Just curious to know if those of you on the spectrum have a tendency to prefer one or the other when you have more than one child...By the way, this tendency is not uncommon among NTs...

Thank you in advance for contributing to this thread...Greetings from my lockdown state CA...

I have two kids and don't plan on having any more. I am closer to my son than to my daughter. They both play together, usually Roblox or Fortnite.

My AS son gives me more stress and we clash more--his autistic traits clashing with mine--but we also have a closer relationship because we're on the same wavelength. My NT son gives me almost no stress--and we get along fine, have fun together--but we don't have the same connection.

I don't prefer any of my kids over the others (I have four, all grown, none live with me anymore). I talk to my middle daughter the most because she calls and comes over the most often. My oldest daughter thinks my middle daughter is my favorite, but reality is, she just checks in on me a lot and helps me out. Because I see her the most, I am probably closer to her than my other children.

While I am not really a father. My older brother died when he was 37, leaving behind him a beautiful 3 year old little girl who lived with his ex-wife.

From early on after my brother died, every week I looked after her on a Saturday, as well as on some days of the week due to my sister in law being on night shift.

I would not say that I became her step dad, but more of a naughty older brother / invisible friend.
As I am not an authoritarian figure and refuse to be so unless there is real danger involved.

I didn't want to stress my niece out, nor did I want to give her the impression that the rules that other humans impose on us are real (as for the most part they are just some peoples ideals and nothing more).

Interestingly enough, my niece is now 17 and really cool and beautiful kid
and fairly laid back. Which I am pleased, as it wasn't her fault her dad died.

I probably wont have kids of my own, as I am getting old. (it does get a bit silly for men who have kids when they are old, although I am willing to practice if there are any younger woman out there who want to practice.... lol).

Anyway, i think i have mostly been a source of entertainment to my niece rather than anything else,
so she is generally quiet happy in my company although we are not super close, she knows I have her back.

Both diagnosed with classic autism. I never favor one of the other. They will always come first.

I think we have a good relationship. They can only show with their actions. Lots of hugging, tickling and laughing. People seem to believe autistic children only rock and bang against the wall, not being able to interact at all. So it's pretty annoying when they say stuff like -he looked me in the eye!

I always try to adjust to their interests, vehicles and animals. Always trying to test/introduce new stuff, like any other parent would.

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Sounds like a wonderful, special bond among you three... ...Are you also on the spectrum???...

Yes, we definitely belong together.

I don't think I am on the spectrum. I score quite high on tests and I definitely can relate to many symptoms, but I just don't identify with the core problematic of autism. I can understand subtile messages and I never had any problem learning to tie my shoes. My father would probably be the one with asperger, and kids normally pick up behaviors their parents display. So no, I don't have any diagnosis and I don't believe I'm on the spectrum. I just seem to be very good at making kids who are autistic. However, I am in the evaluation process for ADD, a diagnosis that fits me like a glove

My wife and I would like a third child, but she's now saying she don't want me to be the father of the third kid. That hurts quite a bit and I wouldn't even want to know what would happen if I were the one to drop that comment

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The way you write lead me to conclude that, like me, you are neuro-typical...(I am happily married to an undiagnosed Aspie)...It amazes me how capricious genetics can be...I may have more in common, genetic-wise, with a long ago, remotely distant relative than with an immediate family member...

As to the insensitive comment made by your wife, i am sure she did not mean to hurt you...Neuro-typicals, we often speak without reflecting on the harm our words may cause...Be forgiving...And try to understand her reasoning behind her comment...She probably worries, with due cause, about the wellbeing and future of her autistic children...Greetings to you both...