16 Dec 2017, 12:37 am
Sometimes I really think I was sexually abused as a kid, which would explain why I'm so avoidant of sex. I also read somewhere that sexual abuse was more common in autistic children, mainly due to their gullibility and defenselessness. If I was I wouldn't be able to remember it anyway, at least not without a ton of psyche digging. I did grow up asocial and a bit sheltered as a kid (like most people here?) so that could've contributed to it too. My Gelatophobia (fear of being laughed at) doesn't exactly help with the whole idea either. Desensitization to it through online has helped a bit.
I've gotten a new therapist now (a man), but to tell you the truth I don't feel comfortable bringing this up with him, I mean he's irritating and condescending enough as it is, not exactly the best first impression. I'm 20 now and still being a no-GF virgin isn't really great for my self-worth. Maybe when the time arrives I'll just force myself to do it? I really don't see how I'm going to get over this when I can't bring it up with anyone in person. Whenever anyone brings up their sex life I just feel angry, left out and inferior, and I just want to leave the room. I'm decently attractive so I'm sure I can get some given the chance, but I've sort of cut all ties with the female 'friends' I've had over the years and kept my distance from them because of this. This seems to be a rare issue too
I relate with this a lot actually, I don’t remember ever being sexually abused although there was a good few times where it very nearly happened with older boys and men. I guess repressed memories are a thing but I really can’t think of a time when it might have happened. I was also raised pretty sheltered and was generally quite asocial as a kid.
I always sort of thought my relationship with sex was pretty weird but it never really bothered me until a partner asked if I’d been sexually abused as a child. I guess I’m either really into it or I get so overwhelmed that I almost completely shut down.. It’s really odd tbh.
17 Dec 2017, 3:35 am
I have an aversion to sex, porn, nudity, cleavage, poorly dressed women, and thots.
I'm not gay, and i still feel some attraction to women, but it's almost entirely personality. Perhaps I don't like sex or any of that because I think it's very worldly, and I tend to have more intellectual and religious pursuits. In addition, I kind of look down at people who just hop on Tinder, for example, and then set up a date to have sex, then it's all done in the morning. Casually having sex and being very lustful like that is disgusting, in my opinion -- I think part of my opinion comes from knowing about my dad's affairs while married to my mom, and the affairs that my mom's fiance had behind her back (which I sort-of caught myself).
So, it comes down to influence and priorities I guess. I have religious influence and the abuse + neglect my mom went through with her past two big relations. Even then, I think it would be dirty to be lustful like that, and that time and energy could be easily spent conducting a productive enterprise.
Oh, I should mention, I don't jack off. Funny story: my parents thought I was gay for a few years because of this. In addition, I was a magnet for gay dudes at my middle school and one of my high schools. Not that there's anything wrong with that; but, they did touch me a lot (not in a bad way) and swarm me. 
As for people who think it's bad being a virgin -- it's not, takes a lot of strength nowadays to be one in my opinion. Call me the "Chad Virgin" (reference to the Virgin vs Chad memes). Even if I were to have the desire, I am one to wait until being married. As repulsive as I find sex to be, I also think it's an intimate act of creating a product that is of one and one's partner. 
KatieisaStrangeCreature
Butterfly
Joined: 28 Dec 2017
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Posts: 16
Location: 'Murica, East coast.
28 Dec 2017, 7:47 pm
19 Jul 2021, 7:35 am
27 Nov 2021, 12:36 pm
